Anybody Care To Listen

[rckllnknny]

long story short. my life hadnt been too ideal. and it wasnt until after my kid, i found God. i started a new family, a real one for the first time. my addiction destroyed it. most of you know what im talkin about. i was with amber for four years. i finally found a home and a place in life. i was a dad. drugs stole everything right from underneath me. i lost everything a year ago. after treatment and a half-way house with a job and church and a twelve step program i finally got a nice place enough sobriety and my kid for the weekends. (and the rest of the summer!!!) i got a new girlfriend and she moved in. im not saying im not greatful for evrything i have. that first night my kid came to stay with me will always to me be known as the best day in my life. my girlfriend-i already know-started out too fast and now feels way too wierd. we talked last night. i cried. i came to the conclusion im not ready to be with anyone for a while and when i do itll be very very slow. but out of nowhere it came out that i realized i still miss amber. thats when i started crying. im sure im gonna break up with my new girlfriend. but ive been runnin away from it for too long. I MISS AMBER! and amber said she still likes me, she took me out to eat yesterday and out to the lake. but im always scared something not right is gonna happen between me and her. everytime we hang out we dissapear from each other for a week because were scared. i told her yesterday i like hangin out with her but im always sad when i do because of me breakin up with her -still haunts me and resurfaces everytime im around her. she told me a week ago lexus said he wanted to go home. she said which one? and he said, the one where you and dad both live.
i dont know if this feeling will ever go away. i dont know what will happen between me and amber. i know that lexus is a sign from God. i need to pray but i dont know how or what to ask for. patience and strength, maybe? and what kind of advice? just stay away from females for now and let God in time, work his miracles? maybe i do know. but i just need to get it out to someone who will listen and hear what they have to say. i just feel this horror all over again and i dont know what to do.............

Edited June 23, 2004 by rckllnknny

[Jake Huether]

My prayers are with you buddy. Keep your focus on God, and all the rest will fall into place.

Take care.

[Mrs. Bro. Adam]

You ask what you should ask God for:


Ask God to help you become a godly man who follows His will. If you really mean it, God will grant it to you.


What you feel is not liking a person, but loving a person. Just pray that God will also give you peace when you make the right decisions and to give you peace about this situation.

[theculturewarrior]

Have you considered talking to a priest?

I honestly can't give you any advice, because I've never been in your situation, but I know that living the Catholic sexual ethic has saved me from a lot of worries. I am not here to judge you, but sometimes I know others see things that I myself am blind to, and I think you may be in a similar situation. I would talk to a good, holy, orthodox priest.

I must say, however, that it gives me joy to hear how God is working in your life. God bless you.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='theculturewarrior' date='Jun 23 2004, 10:20 AM'] Have you considered talking to a priest?
[/quote]
This is what I was thinking...

[Dave]

Hey Rick,
You're in my prayers, as always. Everyone has so far given you some great advice, so there's really nothing I can add. Hang in there, and keep in touch!

[Thy Geekdom Come]

Prayers, bro.

Just keep God as your light at the end of the tunnel and walk towards it always.

Pray for the intercession of St. Augustine: [url="http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/01141e.htm"]here's why.[/url]

[Paladin D]

Hey man, I'm not sure what to exactly say. I would echo what a couple others have said, [b]talk to a priest[/b]. I'll be pray for you dude.

[jasJis]

bro,
Relax and take it slow. You are just now getting used to taking care of yourself and being the person you want to be for yourself. Add in being the kind of dad you want to be for Lexus. You've come a long long way and have made some tremendous changes in your life. The kind of monumental personal changes that people struggle with for years. Give yourself a break.

It's okay to be a little selfish and concentrate on yourself and Lexus. Do that first. Having a live-in girlfriend is most likely too much of a demand on you right now. That's probably why you feel weird about the girlfriend and Amber. I pray for your family every Sunday. That's you, Lexus, and Amber. Be you and be a dad first. Amber is the mother of your son, but not your wife. She may never be your wife, but she may be sometime in the future. You don't know that now, and can't know that now. It's way too much to think about considering where you are in life.

Keep focused on you and Lexus. You owe it to Lexus to make sure you stay healthy and sober and sane as his dad. As you grow and become the person you want to be, you will be more steady and stable and able to consider being a boyfriend or husband, etc. Make yourself a promise that the next 6 months is about you and Lexus. Set a deadline, like Jan 1, 2005, that you won't consider dating because it's all about you as a sober person and dad. Promise yourself that for your New Years resolution, you will review the last year, focus on your accomplishments, and evaluate then if you want to start dating or not.

In other words, don't let your heart write a check that your psyche can't cash yet. Give it time and let your emotional bank account build up so you don't over extend your assets.

Peace and love,
jas

[Lil Red]

prayers for you

[Norseman82]

[quote name='rckllnknny' date='Jun 23 2004, 09:52 AM']

[/quote]
I have to be blunt here.

[quote] i got a new girlfriend and she moved in. [/quote]

This is your #1 mistake here. Two reasons:

1) Spiritual. Cohabitation is a mortal sin; even if you two decide to live as brother/sister, it will be a source of constant temptation.

2) Practical. You state

[quote]i just feel this horror all over again and i dont know what to do............. [/quote]

That is because you are repeating a pattern of destructive behavior. You already got someone pregnant out of wedlock once. You are dealing with the consequences of it now. Why get someone else pregnant? Not only does your child need a stable homelife with a mother and father, but you are going to be hampered in your efforts to "get ahead" if you keep getting women pregnant out of wedlock.

And before anyone calls me mean-spirited or judgmental or arrogant, I don't care. Ban me or warn me as much as you want. I pretty much had to fend for myself after losing my parents so keeping one's nose clean, so to speak, is a matter of survival. I would not have overcome bad family circumstances had I been getting women pregnant left and right when I was younger. I speak from experience and know what I am talking about.

If I can do it, so can you.

[IcePrincessKRS]

You have my prayers Rick.

[Janana8706]

i'm praying for you, but yuou said you didn't know what to pray for o rhow to pray, since prayer is a conversation w/ God, you should just tell God what your probs. are and ask him to help you however He sees that you need it.

[mmmerf]

1. Talk to a priest.
2. Focus on you and Lexus. You don't need a girlfriend right now. Set a time limit - say six months or a year, where you'll live as a single man before making any decisions.
3. As for Amber, be her friend but UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES move in with her.
4. Your present girfriend should leave and move on with her life. You're not in a place where you should be living together, either by the Church's standards or even simple common secular sense. You both deserve a better chance at happiness than what you've got now.
5. Lexus needs stability. Moving too quick with Amber might seem wonderful, but better to wait for a year and then be together for the rest of your lives, than to just rush things and hope it works out. Lexus needs more than hope.
6. Have faith that God will give you what it takes to be a father if you let God be yours.

[ilovechrist]

rick,
they've given you most of the advice that i can give you, so i will offer my prayers as well. pray about this constantly, that way you may be able to not suffer so much stress from the situation.

[rckllnknny]

[quote name='Norseman82' date='Jun 23 2004, 03:04 PM'] I have to be blunt here.



[/quote]
sorry -but don't. i really dont have time for your "suggestions!" perhaps if you chose a different way to explain the Lords loving grace to me instead of ridiculing me for my mistakes- that i said i already know i made...thanx anyways...




JASJIS & everyone else...yeah that was the conclusion i came to. to just have patience and wait. im gonna leave myself open and not rush into anything. as far as amber-she has priority in my life-always. i probably wouldnt wait until january to start dating. but regaurdless im not gonna go out and look for anyone and if i i fnd someone- im gonna take things slow, slow. but if me and amber find interest in each other again im gonna move in that direction(over a period of a long time) i love how things work themselves out. and everything else always will too. i just know it! thanx people.

[rckllnknny]

Norseman-actually forget me tryin to be polite. that was RUDE and INCONSIDERATE. dont EVER critisize anyone or point out peoples faults, especially when they are hurt and looking for answers. dont judge me and dont ever offer me anymore advice. whats wrong with you??

[rckllnknny]

haha- so i actually dint read your ENTIRE post. im a lil embarassed now. just remember- its not about survival anymore-we have God in our lives now!

apology-apology-apology.
serioulsy-excuse MY behavior.

[theculturewarrior]

Hey R, as the official dispenser of unsolicited advice around here, I really recommend you ask someone more qualified than us.

These guys have a free email a priest option...

[url="http://www.avemariasingles.com"]http://www.avemariasingles.com[/url]

I can vouch for their orthodoxy.

Sometimes God gives us the answers we need rather than the answers we want to hear. But I know it hurts when people judge, and none other than God himself said we will be measured the measure with which we measure. Or something like that.

I'll be praying for you.