Date a non Catholic

[Lilllabettt]

1 hour ago, little2add said:

Your words are rather harsh and  presumptuous for  someone you don’t know.   

Thank you for your concern even if it’s  terribly misguided 

Heres harsh: the worst murderer and serial rapist who is aware of the gravity of his sin is closer to the kingdom than the man who excuses small sins. We say  "no one is perfect". But Jesus commands: be perfect as your Heavely Father is perfect. We say: "I'm doing the best I can." But Jesus proclaims: my grace is sufficient for you.  God's mercy is abundant but it is only offered to those who acknowledge their failure to do the right that is in their power .  If holiness is beyond you, then sin is not your fault, then what need have you for mercy? Therefore you will receive none.

[little2add]

We must heed the command of our Savior given in Matthew 5:48 to "be perfect" just as our heavenly Father is perfect. We must be careful, though, not to apply this command to areas in which Jesus never intended for it to be applied.

He was speaking of the love that is to characterize those who are children of God. That love is to be complete, extending even to those who are your enemies, who hate you and spitefully use you. 

 

[Lilllabettt]

2 hours ago, little2add said:

We must heed the command of our Savior given in Matthew 5:48 to "be perfect" just as our heavenly Father is perfect. We must be careful, though, not to apply this command to areas in which Jesus never intended for it to be applied.

He was speaking of the love that is to characterize those who are children of God. That love is to be complete, extending even to those who are your enemies, who hate you and spitefully use you. 

 

Well, his point relevant to this discussion is that the imperfection of the human condition is not an excuse.  We cannot lie back and rest easy comfortable because "everyone" sins and "I'm only human." To be fully human is to be perfect in love of God;  holiness is an effort to become more human. 

Btw, for anyone reading, this is the website little2add copied and pasted from their post from: http://www.centervilleroad.com/articles/perfect.html

 

[Anomaly]

Am I mistaken, or is liklabett saying that little2add’s wife is in an objective state of mortal sin because she is not Catholic?

[little2add]

Amen 

BTW:  it’s an excellent article 

 

[Lilllabettt]

10 minutes ago, Anomaly said:

Am I mistaken, or is liklabett saying that little2add’s wife is in an objective state of mortal sin because she is not Catholic?

No she is a non practicing catholic. Or that is what I understand. And, who knows, perhaps she went to confession the other day. But.

This is why as a kid I wanted to reject Catholicism. Because my mom and dad did not go to church.  For my mom, the non practicing catholic, it was a mortal sin. For my dad, it was nothing, or maybe it a small sin related to not keeping the sabbath. It freaked me out, that my mom had a ticket to hell in her pocket and we were all going to just wait and see if it would end up punched. So what my parents told me, is that it was ok. Skipping mass, not going to confession, porn, and so on, are not a big deal. The Church teaching is simplistic or wrong.  That made me feel better about sin but it made it much less likely to grow up and be a faithful Catholic. Now, that conversation happened but it doesn't have to for the same point to be made. When one parent is a non practicing catholic, and that's treated as a humdrum non tragedy, the example teaches that being a non practicing Catholic is an acceptable option.

So, as I said I think in my first post in this thread... I wouldn't marry a non Catholic if I could "help" it - but it's way better to marry a devout Protestant, Muslim, Jew, or atheist vs a non practicing Catholic 

[little2add]

1 hour ago, Lilllabettt said:

mass, not going to confession, porn, and so on, are not a big deal. The Church teaching is simplistic or wrong.  

Sorry to hear that you disrespect your mom and dad when you  grew up.     

 Do you get along with them today ?    How are they doing,  are they still together ?  

 

[Lilllabettt]

2 hours ago, little2add said:

Sorry to hear that you disrespect your mom and dad when you  grew up.     

 Do you get along with them today ?    How are they doing,  are they still together ?  

 

Well, I guess you could say the Church "disrespected" my mom. The Church teaching was that by not giving a care if she went to Mass on Sunday, she was in an objective state of mortal sin and risking hellfire.

So, yes. Very disrespectful of her choices. But God is no respecter of persons. Is He.

My parents are divorced. My mom no longer has a ticket to hell in her pocket; my dad does. 2 of 4 kids, including me, are practicing catholic. 

[little2add]

 I read what you said about your mom and your wedding,  on another thread...

 It may be none of my business but have you forgiven her?  

 Sometimes you have to overlook  Bad behavior and be thankful your parents cared enough to bring you into this world and they cared enough to raise you up.   

 Both your parents must be in a lot of pain,  I don’t think Heaven can help them, maybe you can!  

[Lilllabettt]

1 hour ago, little2add said:

 I read what you said about your mom and your wedding,  on another thread...

 It may be none of my business but have you forgiven her?  

 Sometimes you have to overlook  Bad behavior and be thankful your parents cared enough to bring you into this world and they cared enough to raise you up.   

 Both your parents must be in a lot of pain,  I don’t think Heaven can help them, maybe you can!  

Uhhhhh Heaven definitely can help them. This is the kind of thing you say that is troubling. Maybe you dont mean that literally but it's still a bizarre thing for a Christian to say.

Sometimes asking a person to be supportive or other-centered, is like asking them to get taller. It's never going to happen and it may be an unfair question if they really dont have the capacity to answer yes. So, you have to stop asking, and accept the person for who they are with all their limitations.  This, a long with some boundaries, is how I have a good relationship with my parents today. 

Neither of this is here or there re the topic at hand. I repeat Being raised as a catholic by a non practicing catholic and a nominal protestant was as confusing as fickle frack. 

 

Edited December 5, 2018 by Lilllabettt

[little2add]

I guess you being so young you haven't experienced the trials and tribulations of  raising children.  It is no easy task.  

After you have a few children of your own you might begin see things differently.  

 

Do you know the song by Mike & The Mechanics  called  "The Living Years".   This tread made me think  of it.  

You all, should give it a listen!

 

 

1 hour ago, Lilllabettt said:

Sometimes asking a person to be supportive or other-centered, is like asking them to get taller.

I think you misunderstood me, forgiveness is not at all the same thing

[Lilllabettt]

4 minutes ago, little2add said:

I guess you being so young you haven't experienced the trials and tribulations of  raising children.  It is no easy task.  

After you have a few children of your own you might begin see things differently.  

 

Do you know the song by Mike & The Mechanics  called  "The Living Years".   This tread made me think  of it.  

You all, should give it a listen!

 

 

I love when people tell me "I'll understand when I have kids."

Cuz then I stare them straight in the face and tell them: "I'm barren."

The Lord has not seen fit to remove my shame and is highly unlikely to since my equipment was destroyed by disease.

In general you should never tell a woman she'll understand when she has kids. She might be barren, or her only child was stillborn,  or she may feel certain she will never get the chance to marry or she may have decided she doesnt want to marry. 

In case you're wondering, yes it is bad that you are old and haven't learned this yet. M-a-n-n-e-r-s

[little2add]

 please accept my apologies

sorry, I did not mean to offend you or anyone

[Anomaly]

Manners?    Staring in the face and saying you’re BARREN, isn’t polite either.   That’s not informing someone of thoughtless inflicting hurt.  That’s intent to be hurtful back.  

Also doesn’t men you can’t adoopt or be a foster parent.    There are multiple ways to be a mother without contributing dna.   

I have multiple family members that are family that are not dna related.  Who are you to say their nurture parents are less than nature parents?   

There are ways of making points without falling into an argument.   I get the point of being a non-practicing Catholic and the theological issues.  Discuss them without painting it as a paid ticket to hell.   It’s not constructive and isn’t going to help any change other then fuel a fight.  

[Lilllabettt]

11 minutes ago, Anomaly said:

Manners?    Staring in the face and saying you’re BARREN, isn’t polite either.   That’s not informing someone of thoughtless inflicting hurt.  That’s intent to be hurtful back.  

Also doesn’t men you can’t adoopt or be a foster parent.    There are multiple ways to be a mother without contributing dna.   

I have multiple family members that are family that are not dna related.  Who are you to say their nurture parents are less than nature parents?   

There are ways of making points without falling into an argument.   I get the point of being a non-practicing Catholic and the theological issues.  Discuss them without painting it as a paid ticket to hell.   It’s not constructive and isn’t going to help any change other then fuel a fight.  

My apologies, but I am not trying to convert you. I am answering the question "would you date a noncatholic." I answered that I did not/didnt if I could help it. But I would date a non Catholic before a non practicing Catholic.  The reason is that it is confusing for kids, makes it harder to successfully keep the baptismal promises you make on their behalf. It is frickin difficult for kids to stay Catholic when their religion teaches them a parent is in mortal sin, and should they die that way will burn in hell for all eternity. I'm sorry I did not keep the sensibilities of the non Catholics on the thread top o mind. But you know ... insulting you was not the point. 

Similarily when i tell people I'm barren, im not trying to be polite. I'm trying to burn the memory of the embarrassment into that person's psyche, thereby repairing forever, in 1 instant, the home training missing from their education. 

Lets do some training for you.

Not all people who can't have kids are able to adopt. Stop and read that last part three times 

Private adoption is expensive, 30k-40k range. Adoption from foster care is free, but requires parents to promise, commit and actively work towards reuniting the kids they take in with their birth family. Not everyone is called to work towards breaking their heart in pieces. Some people with chronic serious health conditions, or who can't drive, or who are in military families, or who are just poor, wont ever be approved for fostering or adoption, unless maybe they move to a more lenient/hard-up-for-parents jurisdiction. I could go on and on. Adoption is not a possibility for everyone. So stop recommending it to barren women like they dont know what it is.

40 minutes ago, little2add said:

 please accept my apologies

sorry, I did not mean to offend you or anyone

It's ok. I'm mostly messing w/you. I am not uncomfortable with being a barren woman. I've been dealing with it for a long time so it's like when someone's been dead for a decade. You miss them but it's not like it shreds you anymore. Dont be upset 

[Anomaly]

As I thought.  

There’s nothing I can say but to wish you happiness and a peaceful heart.  

[Lilllabettt]

1 minute ago, Anomaly said:

As I thought.  

There’s nothing I can say but to wish you happiness and a peaceful heart.  

Thank you sincerely 

[little2add]

20 hours ago, Lilllabettt said:

I'm mostly messing w/you. 

haha 

[Lil Red]

On December 1, 2018 at 12:16 PM, 28yrolddiscerner said:

Would you date a non-catholic?  There are no local Catholic Bachelors, and a lot of guys on dating sites are creeps!  Is this a sin???

I've been married to a non-Catholic for….almost 20 years. Been together longer than that. 

On December 2, 2018 at 7:39 AM, Anomaly said:

 

It’s more like a thrill ride.  You want someone who will grab your hand, put their arms around you, and roll past the platform with you for the next round.  

And someone with a good sense of humor to help you laugh through it. :D 

On December 4, 2018 at 9:22 AM, Anomaly said:

Bottom line, you can think you have deal breakers beforehand, but really what you are required to have is a firm commitment to deal with ANYTHING that comes along.  

Catholic or not, get married with the intent to stay together no matter what.   NOBODY wants to stay together 100% of the time and everyone changes.  It’s sticking up for the other person, letting them carry you sometimes, or hunkering down while in a storm you never expected.  It’s apologizing when you don’t think you’re wrong, and accepting apologies that are unspoken.  

If you think some aspect are definitely “Nope”, then don’t.   I promise there will be many things you will strongly prefer never to have dealt with that you just can’t imagine.   

But if you look for them, there will be experiences that make it all worth while. 

yup yup yup.