Vocational Guilt

[beatitude]

Congratulations, reginascribam.

I agree with the excellent advice offered by Gloriana and Antigonos. From what you've written, it does seem as if you have grown up in quite an unusual household. (In this day and age the boyfriends of most adult women don't go asking their dads for permission to date them, for example!) Experiencing this kind of upbringing may have led you to believe that your parents should have a greater say in your decision-making than is actually warranted at this stage in your life. You're an adult, and unless you and your fiancé are planning to set up an illegal drug den or prostitution racket or something of the sort, you are perfectly free to make your own decisions and you don't owe anyone any justifications for them. Our vocation always brings us freedom, and that too is a gift from God.

[Antigonos]

I sometimes wonder whether the emphasis on "obedience" in religious life encourages those who are somewhat immature, in thinking that they will go from parental dependency to conventual dependency, that the major decisions will, thankfully, be made for them and they will be able to remain in a child-parent relationship [although I doubt anyone in this situation would call it thus].  If one grows up in a very controlling environment, the idea of autonomy and independence can be quite threatening.  So much easier if someone else makes the decisions...

But, alas, one of the things that has stood out, in my conversations with those in religious life is the need for a very high level of emotional maturity.  Even in a cloister where one's daily life is very ordered, an immature person is going to have difficulty with interpersonal relationships -- and when one is stuck in the same place with the same people almost literally for one's entire adult life, this becomes a very big issue indeed.  Despite emphasis on "detachment" a sister is really never, ever, isolated but is part of a larger organism.  I was once told that the big issues, like adjusting to the horarium, sort themselves out -- it's the pinpricks that drive one up a wall, such as sitting next to a sister all the time who constantly fidgets or has some other small, annoying habit.

Perhaps convents need a sign "Only mature adults need apply" <g>

[gloriana35]

Spot on, Antigonos! I dearly hope that no religious communities still treat adults as if they were little children (as was true in the community I entered.) It was eerie - watching adults become all the more childish. I wonder if they entered because it was time to leave home, and they couldn't think of anywhere else to go where they'd still be little girls with mothers (or so they thought.) 

Of course, only mature adults can 'apply' for marriage, as well. 

 

[Antigonos]

7 hours ago, gloriana35 said:

 

Of course, only mature adults can 'apply' for marriage, as well. 

 

Indeed!  Far too many "children" get married these days, and the divorce statistics show the results!

[AStrictPerson]

On 7/25/2019 at 2:42 PM, Luigi said:

An awful lot of women joined religious orders in the years before the Second Vatican Council. An awful lot of women left religious orders after the Second Vatican Council. One reason so many women (and men) left - and it's only one reason, it's not a comprehensive explanation - was that so many of them never should have joined in the first place. In those days, an awful lot of families put an awful lot of pressure on an awful lot of their children to become a priest or join a religious order.

If God doesn't call the person to religious life or the priesthood, she or he shouldn't join.

Becoming a religious leaves an indelible mark. Once you are a religious, there is no going back. 

[JHFamily]

38 minutes ago, AStrictPerson said:

Becoming a religious leaves an indelible mark

No, it does not.  Only Baptism and Confirmation does that.  However, I think we would agree that someone leaving religious life after permanent vows is rather serious.  It remains, though, that the Church can indeed release someone from his vows.

[AveMariaPurissima]

3 hours ago, JHFamily said:

No, it does not.  Only Baptism and Confirmation does that.  However, I think we would agree that someone leaving religious life after permanent vows is rather serious.  It remains, though, that the Church can indeed release someone from his vows.

Very good points -- I would just add that in addition to Baptism and Confirmation, Holy Orders also leaves an indelible mark.

[JHFamily]

 

17 minutes ago, AveMariaPurissima said:

Holy Orders also leaves an indelible mark.

Yep.  You're right.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, AveMariaPurissima said:

However, I think we would agree that someone leaving religious life after permanent vows is rather serious.  It remains, though, that the Church can indeed release someone from his vows.

I agree.   It is indeed a "rather serious" matter to ask for release from final or perpetual life vows, which is why it is a far more complex matter to leave religious life after life vows than during the discerning years in the life.  The Process  

As I understand:  That The Church can and does release a person from final vows is an indication that it can be done and that it would not be a matter of mortal or venial sin to be dispensed.  If it were not so, then simply The Church would not ever release or dispense the person from final life vows.  Religious life builds on one's Baptism.   Even those of us in secular life are called to poverty, chastity and obedience in some form - not, however, as radically as those called to religious life.

 

Quote

 

Matthew Chapter 16

"And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, 13 and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.

I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. 14 Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."

 

 

_______________

@Sponsa-Christi could state more about the vocation of Consecrated Virgin, in some ways similar to and yet quite different from religious life.  She would also be more informed on the subject of dispensation from life vows in religious life.

[Norseman82]

If this helps anyone reading this thread who may be going through something similar, CCC 2230 states that "Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse".