Former Nuns

[He is Risen!]

Hello, sorry I'm late to the thread but I was a sister who left as a novice. I have been out for about 10 years now but still think about it sometimes. It was so hard at first when I left, I continued to try to pray the liturgy of the hours but would fall apart crying every time I got to the magnificat for years. I also had no place to stay when I left and ended up calling up an old high school friend who let me rent his spare room. He was in a gay relationship and it was super awkward. I slept on the floor there and got a job at a shoe store until I saved up for an apartment. Now I have a house, am still single (no Capt Von Trap has come along yet, lol) and I've often had the thought that I'd like to provide a place for women to stay in that situation. I have a nice guest room that never gets used. I live in the central midwest if anyone knows of anyone in need!

[HollyDolly]

Know, I don't know anyone  . I wanted to be a nun,but my circumstances are different, both my parents had health issues. I and my sister later took care of our mom who had a stroke. My dad had COPD and took care of him too, until he also passed on. I think God had other plans for me  in that respect. Do I think of it sometimes yes, but I'm 65 years old  a little late, but it's not a driving force. Besides, My great aunt, her cousin and my second cousin, my great aunts niece were all sisters  until the day they died.Maybe the Lord thought he had enough of the family to serve, didn't need  me.

[catholicamama]

I think i am surprised by how many of us were in the convent.  I originally joined this forum as my daughter was in early stages of discernment though she never was a member here.  Once she figured out what she was going to do, i stayed on the forum as i too spent time in a convent.  I wish there were a 'safe' forum to discuss experiences w/o feeling like we're walking on eggshells.  I signed up for one on FB but there is actually at least one SISTER (not FORMER) in the group and she's actually a member of the community i belonged to...so that's not going to work very well for me lol!  Anyway...i might just start another.  I definitely prefer a private FB group for that kind of thing as all the posts here are searchable etc.

[Liz Zilla]

Check out Call for Convent Reform. conventreform.wordpress.com

[catholicamama]

3 hours ago, Liz Zilla said:

Check out Call for Convent Reform. conventreform.wordpress.com

Thank you for the link.  So it looks like there are 2 private FB groups, one connected to the page you linked.  My daughter is a postulant in one of the more 'popular' orders, so of course i am hoping/praying that if she were in an uncomfortable situation she would let me know...somehow.  I hate reading about the psychological abuse and worse.  I was in the convent over 40 years ago and i was really hoping things had changed.  It seems like even the 'solid' orders have some stories.  Bottom line is it's a tough life and not everyone is mentally and physically equipped for it but NOBODY should have to deal with abuse.

[Lea]

7 hours ago, catholicamama said:

Anyway...i might just start another.  I definitely prefer a private FB group for that kind of thing as all the posts here are searchable etc.

You can also start a private chat group on here, as did some young discerners on the phorum.  

[MarieEgypt]

I was a member of 2 different orders, one active and one contemplative. When I was in the Novitiate of the active order I discerned with my Spiritual director that I had a contemplative vocation. I then entered a monastic order. When I left during the Novitiate it was so difficult because I really didn't want to return to the world. I also thought that it was 'all my fault' for what happened while I was there and for not being able to live my vocation. Years later a former Brother went to the Vatican with a huge dossier of all the disfunctions and spiritual abuses as well as practices that weren't according to the Catholic faith in the monastery. Then a French website published many testimonials of former sisters and their stories of abuse. Finally they had a visit from the Vatican then set up a listening cell for ex sisters. They just had a council and listed the abuses and changes that must take place to reform. It still remains to be seen if they are able to since they had cultish tendencies.

[Mhairi]

Oh Marie Egypt! I read that dossier and all I can say is, thank God you were able to leave. I can understand how painful it must have been for you, but the level of spiritual abuse in that Community was/is off the scale and I pray that reform does take place for the sake of the wellbeing - physical, mental,  and spiritual - of the brothers and sisters. Peace and blessings to you!

[MarieEgypt]

Thank you so much Mhairi.  The ex sisters have formed a group and we have a private forum.  It was shocking to find out about so many abuses and dysfunctional practices...so many of us had horrible experiences.  It seems that the Founder had some kind of strong charism and was able to charm people. Things were constantly changing according to her whims. There were so many lies and secrets. Several sisters attempted suicide and one even succeeded. She doused herself with gas and lit a match and burned to death. Even worse the Founder and all the sisters lied about it. They had the authorities cover it up and even her parents weren't told the truth or allowed to go to the funeral.

 

 

[Mhairi]

MarieEgypt, I am so glad you have support from your sisters from that community and I hope the forum you share helps in supporting you all in your healing. I am so sad that a beautiful vocation you all had to that community was so abused by a superior. I read with horror the dossier and especially about your beloved sister who died. Thank God for all of you who spoke out and tried to ensure that things changed for the better. Prayers for you all! 

[MarieEgypt]

The forum has been so helpful because when we were in the Monastery we were not allowed to speak to each other.  So often we would see our sisters crying or in crisis but could never share our difficulties. We never knew each other on a personal level. Even when we left we were warned to not talk about anything that happened in the monastery.  So for years most of us suffered in silence.  I am American so I felt even more isolated(since they can't seem to keep American vocations) and searched for years for ex sisters to talk to.  In the forum we realize that so many of us went through the same thing and we are not the crazy ones.  Thank you for your kind words.  
 

[HollyDolly]

So sorry for what happend to you Marie Egypt. This has been going on for a long time. It needs to stop, just not right.  I took care of both my late mother and late father and couldn't enter, even though I wanted to . Maybe it was God's will that I didn't. And after hearing about all this I'm glad I didn't .Are all orders like this no, but unfortunately a lot are.

[MarieEgypt]

Thank you HollyDolly.  Recently a French YouTuber interviewed a couple of sisters, one of whom wrote a book, 15 Ans dans L'enfer de la Famille Monastique de Bethléem. It was eye opening and revealed many of their great secrets that they have kept hidden..  Over the years information about their dysfunction and abuse have trickled onto the internet. Unfortunately it wasn't until they were 'pushed' because of all the bad press that they responded. They have a very elitist attitude and think they are above all other Orders and even the Church.  It's difficult to believe that they will or can actually reform.  Lord have mercy.