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PaxCordisJesu

Hello all! 

As I'm sure you've already guessed from my being on the Vocation Station, I am discerning religious life. My parents are for the most part taking this fine, but whenever I mess up and do or say something I shouldn't (in other words, sin) they say something like "And you really think you're going to be a nun?" They constantly are making critical remarks about "Miss-holier-than-thou" (me) and say that I think I'm better than everyone else, and that I'm really just trying to run away from reality by wanting to enter the convent. Sometimes I lose my temper and say something disrespectful back to them, which of course I shouldn't, but then they go off on my immaturity. (Not saying they're totally wrong, but that's a topic for another thread). Anyway, I would very much appreciate any prayers. I know this is a cross God's given me to carry, but often I feel I am incapable of doing so. I cry a lot now, especially when I overhear my parents talking and laughing about my "religious aspirations" with my siblings and their significant others (which is humiliating since they're not even family members!). No one seems to take me seriously. Thanks for your prayers, and for taking the time to read this through!

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Convent does face reality, whether or not your parents believe it.  What you might want to do is talk to your parents and see if they are willing to talk to a sister about this.  Maybe they will change their minds about.  Even the priesthood face reality.  They give last rites to those who might be danger of death and/or going into a surgery soon.

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God didn't give you this cross - they did! The mockery is a disgrace, but, sadly, is not unusual (nor was it unusual half a century ago.) You are quite right if you tell them to stop it - that is not disrespectful. They aren't treating you with any respect.

Many blessings as you follow your vocation. All of us spend one lifetime, then eternity, growing in love of God, so the nonsense about being 'immature' (a form of attack many use - especially if they know former nuns who mock the life they once had) means nothing - we never stop growing.

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Exactly the cross that God gave us is for example, whenever your alarm clock rings and you wish you could spend more time in your warm comfy bed, but you have to get up, take a shower, get ready to go to work. Then you go out there and it is so freezing and you want your warm comfy bed!!!

We are all children of God and we all need to be treated with kindness, dignity and respect from everyone.

We all have room for improvement, but people need to respect us!! that goes for everybody, parents, nuns etc.

I am a dedicated single and I am so happy!! I started a new topic on what that is if you want to know what it is. I invite all of you to share your  thoughts and ask questions or comments. If you know priests, invite them to participate.

 

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17 hours ago, PaxCordisJesu said:

Hello all! 

As I'm sure you've already guessed from my being on the Vocation Station, I am discerning religious life. My parents are for the most part taking this fine, but whenever I mess up and do or say something I shouldn't (in other words, sin) they say something like "And you really think you're going to be a nun?" They constantly are making critical remarks about "Miss-holier-than-thou" (me) and say that I think I'm better than everyone else, and that I'm really just trying to run away from reality by wanting to enter the convent. Sometimes I lose my temper and say something disrespectful back to them, which of course I shouldn't, but then they go off on my immaturity. (Not saying they're totally wrong, but that's a topic for another thread). Anyway, I would very much appreciate any prayers. I know this is a cross God's given me to carry, but often I feel I am incapable of doing so. I cry a lot now, especially when I overhear my parents talking and laughing about my "religious aspirations" with my siblings and their significant others (which is humiliating since they're not even family members!). No one seems to take me seriously. Thanks for your prayers, and for taking the time to read this through!

Your parents are afraid, upset, and angry that what you decide to do is outside of their control. Hurting people, hurt people. I am pregnant with my first baby and my mother in law constantly remarks on what I plan to do (natural birth vs the csection my doctors recommend, stay at home vs work, breastfeed vs pump, cloth vs disposable diapers etc etc.)  She is very natural minded whereas I prefer whatever is practical, I have no ideology. I understand where her behavior is coming from but I don't have to put up with it. I'm getting ready to have a conversation with her where I set up boundaries, similar to those I have with my own mother. Maybe something similar is possible for you with your parents. It's hard if you're a minor. 

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Ouch...it hurt just reading your post.  Offering the pain up is a good practice.  Still, your feelings are legitimate and I'm sorry you are feeling the way you do.  We all would have a similar (hurt) response.  Many prayers coming your way. 

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56 minutes ago, Lilllabettt said:

I'm getting ready to have a conversation with her where I set up boundaries

**Boundaries!**

This is exactly what I was thinking. Your parents overstep their boundaries.  The only advice that I can give about that is simply to make the topic off limits for conversation with you. Just don't talk to them about it. I'm sure they'll keep up their end, but don't feed their problem. This is very important to do before you enter, otherwise, they could jeopardize your vocation. It's easy to say, "Well, I'll be out of the house then," or whatnot, but the simple fact is they can still telephone (and not necessarily you), write discouraging letters, etc.

May I ask how old you are? Are you in a position to enter soon? If not, I would start living my social and family life as if I had forgotten about religious life, but live it more deliberately as if you are certain of your (now secret) vocation.

On another note (but not really), you mention immaturity and go as far as to indicate there may be some maturity issues that you acknowledge. If that's the case, I really would refocus my energies from discernment to becoming a mature adult. And you can share that with your parents!

Just have to say it... there's a reason the saints advised to keep your vocation a secret, and this pretty much sums up why!

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9 hours ago, Lilllabettt said:

 I am pregnant with my first baby

Mazal tov on the impending birth! 

Yes, you are quite right to establish boundaries.  With my own daughters I've worked very hard to not offer unsolicited advice [although I do stress that I'm here for them if they need me, in any capacity], and to be supportive of whatever they choose.  I think that's the biggest gift I can give them.

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I understand your parents might be concerned about you, but it seems they are going a bit far. It might be the whole we want grandkids thing, which does happen or it could be  not having you under their thumb and control.We will all pray for you. Maybe  you should just  come out and ask what  is their issue with it. I once wanted to be a nun. However, my parents were supportive. My dad and his first cousin and aunt  were nuns, and he had a cousin back in Germany who was a priest. My mother had two cousins who were priests. However God had other plans for me as i took care of my mom and later my dad when they became seriously ill.  Some communities have  times when canidates can go and spend the weekend  to discern  their vocation to the community.Some religious orders also nowadays have lay associates, who assist in their  work. It just depends on what community in your area  is around and has some sort of volunteer program where you can assist the sisters. That might be a good way to see if you really want to do this or not. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 1/27/2021 at 9:15 PM, PaxCordisJesu said:

Hello all! 

As I'm sure you've already guessed from my being on the Vocation Station, I am discerning religious life. My parents are for the most part taking this fine, but whenever I mess up and do or say something I shouldn't (in other words, sin) they say something like "And you really think you're going to be a nun?" They constantly are making critical remarks about "Miss-holier-than-thou" (me) and say that I think I'm better than everyone else, and that I'm really just trying to run away from reality by wanting to enter the convent. Sometimes I lose my temper and say something disrespectful back to them, which of course I shouldn't, but then they go off on my immaturity. (Not saying they're totally wrong, but that's a topic for another thread). Anyway, I would very much appreciate any prayers. I know this is a cross God's given me to carry, but often I feel I am incapable of doing so. I cry a lot now, especially when I overhear my parents talking and laughing about my "religious aspirations" with my siblings and their significant others (which is humiliating since they're not even family members!). No one seems to take me seriously. Thanks for your prayers, and for taking the time to read this through!

I wouldn't necessarily agree that God is giving you this cross. I'd rather suspect that the evil one is trying to discourage you through your parents. When they make disrespectful comments like that, that is not the voice of God speaking. I would simply not engage in further conversation if that happens and rather say a prayer that you reject the discouraging comment, and "Jesus fill me with your peace." Or something to that degree. 

When we engage in further conversation with them, it's just feeding the fire of the enemy trying to create discord. 

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On 1/27/2021 at 10:15 PM, PaxCordisJesu said:

Hello all! 

As I'm sure you've already guessed from my being on the Vocation Station, I am discerning religious life. My parents are for the most part taking this fine, but whenever I mess up and do or say something I shouldn't (in other words, sin) they say something like "And you really think you're going to be a nun?" They constantly are making critical remarks about "Miss-holier-than-thou" (me) and say that I think I'm better than everyone else, and that I'm really just trying to run away from reality by wanting to enter the convent. Sometimes I lose my temper and say something disrespectful back to them, which of course I shouldn't, but then they go off on my immaturity. (Not saying they're totally wrong, but that's a topic for another thread). Anyway, I would very much appreciate any prayers. I know this is a cross God's given me to carry, but often I feel I am incapable of doing so. I cry a lot now, especially when I overhear my parents talking and laughing about my "religious aspirations" with my siblings and their significant others (which is humiliating since they're not even family members!). No one seems to take me seriously. Thanks for your prayers, and for taking the time to read this through!

Everything is a grace. I entered religious life for a time and my parents had a VERY hard time with it as well. Looking back on what I went through with them, I regret on having lost on the opportunity for growth in holiness in those difficult situations. Remember that your parents love you. If they didn't love you then they wouldn't care. Pray for them! They are hurting because they feel that they are losing you. Beg Christ for the grace of humility. You can't grow in humility without suffering humiliations, that's just the way it works. If you aspire to be Christ's bride then you need to pick up this cross and follow after your Bridegroom. He is with you through it all. Trust in Him and don't be discouraged. Also, this will pass. You will either gain the graces God desires you to receive from this or you won't and that's not on your parents, it's on you. 

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Perhaps one indication of the maturity necessary to pursue and persevere in religious life is to deal with these kinds of pressures? Part of growing up is to respect your parents, of course--but not to allow them to order your life as if you were still a child. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are an adult then they need to learn not to live your life vicariously. And you need the maturity to consider what they say, but not necessarily let it govern your life anymore.

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