Answering questions about marriage

[savvy]

I would like to know how those of you in religious life respond to questions like, “What happens if you leave or want to get married?” etc.

There’s a lot of misconceptions that once you join, you are not allowed to leave etc. Probably due to media reports of priests waiting to be laicized etc or it not being easy to leave etc.

I have found this attitude in more than a few people.

Just curious on how you approach the subject. 

 

 

[Lou]

I think it's dependent on why someone is asking: are they a religious who want to leave, or someone discerning? Is it doubt or fear or whatever. Then is it someone who just wants to know how or why,etc. The person asking might a motive on it that might determine the type of answer or detail.

Explaining to people about the commitment of religious life is a good place to start. i.e. if you end up wanting to get married when you're a postulant or a novice then it's something to bring up in spiritual direction and pray about. If you're in vows, it's different. You've made a commitment already and there's bigger questions to be asked, something more at stake. It's not impossible, obviously, but is the desire for marriage the full reason  youre leaving  or  is it other things too? Maybe a combination of a few things which might show God's asking something else. It's a broader question than just marriage versus R.L. 

I think when people know that there's structures in place and there's choices and should-be-healthy relationships to help with these things, they accept the choice for R.L. more readily.

I didn't really answer your question but I wanted to write because I think it's worthwhile what you're asking.

[GraceUk]

I suppose the person in religion would just say what is usual in their community. Meaning an opportunity to discuss their reasons for leaving with a superior of confessor. usually the postukant aof novice s free to leave at any time as they haven't taken vows, if vows have been taken a dispensation is required and this could take some time.  But this doesnt mean the person would be detained against their will. They could still walk away.