My problem

[Engeniear Guy]

I'm a student and I don't know is this forum still active, but its my last resort. I'm to scared to talk to anyone in real life or even people that I know from internet. For years i had problem with pornography, sometimes there were some improvements but at the end of the day all, I would always would return to that sin. Problem had escalated even more with the addition of AI, and well i don't know what to do, i pray rosary regularly and i try to go to Eucharist couple days a week and still fail, i kind of lost most of my hope and do not see and future. I have heard that it is good to work on the sin with somebody but as I said on the start I do not have the courage to do it, this is first time I said anything about it outside the seal of confusion. Sorry if It hard to read, not native speaker of english If you have any words to please write. Thanks. 

[Anomaly]

Enginear,

This forum is not as active as it used to be, but there are a number of people here. 
A couple of things.  
There is no such thing as a last hope.  If you can draw another breath, you can try yet again.  There is no limit on how many times you can go to confession.  It’s a lie that it’s ever too late.  
I personally know a number of priests and have been told many times, you can’t imagine the sins people confess.   You aren’t going to surprise or shock them.  
Your addiction and bad habit grew.   You can’t change it overnight.  I’ve quit a number of habits.   Smoking, drugs, food.   It’s not easy.  Takes many tries.   Takes a long time.  Reach out for help.   There are many groups and people that specialize in helping.  Others have been in your shoes.  It will take time to grow beyond your fear and shame. I wish you well. 

[Luigi]

On 4/20/2026 at 5:24 PM, Engeniear Guy said:

I'm a student and I don't know is this forum still active, but its my last resort. I'm to scared to talk to anyone in real life or even people that I know from internet. For years i had problem with pornography, sometimes there were some improvements but at the end of the day all, I would always would return to that sin. Problem had escalated even more with the addition of AI, and well i don't know what to do, i pray rosary regularly and i try to go to Eucharist couple days a week and still fail, i kind of lost most of my hope and do not see and future. I have heard that it is good to work on the sin with somebody but as I said on the start I do not have the courage to do it, this is first time I said anything about it outside the seal of confusion. Sorry if It hard to read, not native speaker of english If you have any words to please write. Thanks. 

First of all, don't give up hope. This is your cross to carry, and you may carry it for the rest of your life. Or it might take you a very long time to learn how to carry this particular cross. But time is on your side. 

Second, from what you describe, this sounds like an addiction. Addiction runs in my family. I'm not an addiction counselor, but I've heard a lot of talk from a lot of people about it. Characteristics of addictions (in all the examples below, substitute "pornography"):- Normally, people fall into an addiction; they don't consciously choose it. In terms of sin, this reduces the severity of the sin.

- The addiction fills some psychological need, often the need to feel good, or worthy. There are only two ways to feel good - from the inside out, and in the absence of that, from the outside in. In other words, if a person feels loved, is happy with relationships, does good things, lives up to his own expectations, and so forth, then he feels good inside and he expresses it outwardly. If the person doesn't feel loved (even if he is loved), or is frequently told he's not good enough, or does good things but doesn't feel self-esteem afterward, then he will often turn to some external substance to make himself feel good; it might be alcohol, or drugs, or gambling, or food, or sex in some form or another. 

- The addict turns to the outside substance in nearly all circumstances: you accomplish a difficult task, so you reward yourself; you don't want to take up a difficult task, so you turn to the addiction as a delaying tactic; you fail at something, so you turn to the addiction to make yourself feel good again; you're bored, so you do something exciting.

- The good feeling from the addiction dissipates quickly each time, and the addict feels even worse afterward, because now there is an additional layer or guilt. 

- The addict has no control over the addiction. S/He may decide to stop, but can't. S/He may firmly decide to stop, but can't. The need to engage in the addiction comes on the addict - it feels like the urge takes over the personality - and the addict is powerless to resist it. 

- The addition gets progressively worse. In the past, one drink made her feel good, but then it takes two drinks, then three drinks, then four. She used to drink once a day, then twice a day, then three times a day, etc. It takes more of the outside substance to achieve that good feeling. 

This is turning into a dissertation. More to follow. 

 

Edited April 23 by Luigi

[Luigi]

The previous post listed the characteristics of an addiction. Your question is: What can I do about it?

1. Keep praying. Keep praying the rosary. Keep going to Mass as often as possible. After each fall, say an act of contrition. And when you pray, don't pray only for yourself; in your intentions, include all people who struggle with pornography, sex addiction, any addiction. That's simply an act of charity. 

2. Keep going to confession. Realize that the priest can only forgive your sins. That's no small accomplishment; in fact, it's a miracle! But within the sacrament of confession, a priest can do only so much. He can forgive you, but he can't cure you. Not every priest is a spiritual director, or at least not inside the confessional. 

3. Find a spiritual director or advisor. You are a student; does your university have a Catholic student ministry? If not, the nearby parish could be a good choice - the priests there probably minister to many people in the university community. Believe me, you are not the only student who struggles with pornography; the priest will not even be shocked.

4. Steps 1, 2, and 3 deal with the spiritual aspects of the addiction, but you also need to address the psychological aspects. There are 12-step programs for every kind of addiction, although there may not be one for your addiction in your city. But there are probably online 12-step groups specifically for people who don't have face-to-face meetings in their city. Your priest may be able to direct you to a face-to-face group or an online group. Even before you find a group or start participating in a group, you can start learning about 12-step programs; the information is readily available. You may not be able to work a whole program by yourself - it's designed to be a group endeavor - but you'll start learning the foundational concepts and the terminology.

Other considerations: 

- You want to stop. Good! You have the motivation, now you need to find the mechanism. 

- Pornography is a sin, but it's not the worst addiction you could have. You haven't killed anyone in a car wreck from driving drunk, you are not sexually abusing other people directly (the people in the porn industry may be the victims of human trafficking, but that's a separate argument), you're not gambling away the house payment or the grocery money to feed the children. Yes, pornography is a sin; you realize that, and you seem desperate about that - if you keep it in its proper perspective, the desperation may go away, and then you can spend more emotional and intellectual energy on the problem itself. 

- As another poster said, your recovery could be a long process. But if you fall down seven times, get up eight times! The process of recovery is actually a process of emotional maturation; you will learn to practice the virtues rather than the vices. That takes a long time, many false starts, many failures - ask any of the saints!

- Not every method works for every person every time. I read an article about smoking cessation that said, "Any smoking cessation program is effective for only 20% of the people who try it, but there is some effective method out there for everyone." So if Method A doesn't work, try Method B. If that doesn't work, try Method C, then D, then E, but keep trying. 

 

That's all for now. But know that I, for one, am praying for you, and probably a number of other people on this board are, too. That's how we roll here.