what to do when the kids have sex?

[PedroX]

hopeful1,

Prayer know can store up grace for later. Start praying now both for your future spouse, and your future children. leave it in God's hands.

Contraception will only make matters worse. I heard the founder of Project Rachael, Vicki Thorn, talk this week, and she reminded me of just how bad the Pill is on a purely physical level. The hormonal changes it forces on a woman are terrible, and were never meant to be. Please, whatever you do, do not offer your child contraception.

peace...

[dairygirl4u2c]

[color=red]THat was rude, and you would be highly annoyed if we said it about you[/color]

Edited October 16, 2004 by cmotherofpirl

[StColette]

[quote name='dairygirl4u2c' date='Oct 15 2004, 11:42 PM'] So very, very rude. That was a personal attack Dairy Girl. [/quote] (quote edited by Ice Princess because Cmom edited the initial post.)

Edited October 16, 2004 by IcePrincessKRS

[Socrates]

[quote name='CatholicforChrist' date='Oct 15 2004, 04:11 PM'] I agree with what popesaintpiusx said, at least with his meaning. If you know your child is sexually active, don't allow him to leave the house except for school, period. Or homeschool and don't let him leave, ever. There is a sure way to stop it and teach him a lesson. Also, if you bring your children up at a TLM parish, you will have everyone around you practicing the same traditional, orthodox ideals, etc, and it will be something that is not even an issue. This is the way it is with my parish, certainly. Also, whatever happened to disowning children who have sex out of wedlock, especially pregnancies out of wedlock? This was the Catholic practice until probably the Sexual Revolution. Why would that not apply anymore? [/quote]
Such methods are an almost certain recipe for ensuring that that child will end up rejecting his parents, the Church, and everyhting they stand for. The resentment that would be caused by a person never allowed to leave his home as a punishment for sex will only lead that person to incredible resentment. He will likely, as soon as he is able to be on his own, completely rebel against the Church, his family, morality, and perhaps legitimate authority in general, seeing them as oppressive forces.

I'm not saying that parents should be permissive, and not punish their children's behavior (especially if the child is under 18), but this never allowing the kid to leave the house stuff is ridiculous. Love must be balanced with discipline. If the parent tries to totally control a young adult, this will not work. Morality can not be forced on a person. Many kids from excessively strict family situations rebel, and turn 180 degrees against the values they were raised with.

Again, I'm not calling for liberal permissiveness here, I'm just saying that trying to completely control a teenager will not work. And raising a kid in a sheltered, religious environment, is never a complete guarantee against rebellion or bad behavior (though, of course, parents should strive to bring their children up in a good moral environment). But if parents attempt to completely shelter the kid against any danger or temptation, they are sometimes unable to handle the trials and temptations of the real world. And disowning a girl, or other extreme measures, for out-of-wedlock pregnancy could lead her to secretly seek an abortion to avoid the consequences.

This is a complex issue, and there are no easy answers, but that's my 10 cents worth.

[hopeful1]

well, Catholic For Christ, I don't think disowning them would be the answer, and that would only cause more problems in the long run, especially if she is pregnant. She'll either feel like she has no choice but to find someway to get an abortion, or she and her child may end up homeless or struggling to survive. Not to mention the amount of emotional or mental damage it might have on her, or even spiritual damage. Do you really think this is the MOST LOVING THING TO DO IN THIS SITUATION!?

As far as grounding them for life... parents only have so much control over their children's actions and can't be there to supervize them every single second. depending on how rebellious the kid is, they could always find someway to escape. I also don't know if homeschooling would be an option for me (as ideal as it would be) because i'm considering becoming a teacher myself.

[hopeful1]

oops, just realize socrates said everything i just posted.

[hopeful1]

well, this was my thoughts about this before i started the topic. I know i definately want to keep the lines of communication open with my kids about sex, dating. relationships, ect with both my sons (hey guys are affected too) and daughters, talk to them about what the church teaches about chastity, contraception and describe what it is (not to promote it, but to have an understanding of it in regards to prolife issues), and all that good stuff. but if i ever found out and talk to them about it, and if they show that they have absolutely no desire to change, i would pray for them, but be like "this is your sin, this is your responsibility... if you want bc, you are going to be the one to pay for it, you going to be the one who's going to travel to the doctor to get there. I refuse to help you in sinning and you are the one who is going to live with the consequences of your actions". In theory, let them see the reality of their choices. but then again, i'm afraid if i did do that i would indirectly still be promoting bc and their actions, and not to mention if she did get pregnant (or if my son got a girl pregnant) they'd feel like "well mom's not going to help me, our only chioce is to abort" or something along those lines. After all i DO want them to come to me if that situation ever happened, and i don't want them to feel like they can't come to me for help for anything else. I don't even know if this is the right answer either...

[cmotherofpirl]

The right answer is just to keep them honestly talking to you. You don't have to know everything, but you better know the important things.

I find brothers and sisters a great souirce of info....

[hopeful1]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Oct 16 2004, 07:28 PM'] The right answer is just to keep them honestly talking to you. You don't have to know everything, but you better know the important things.

I find brothers and sisters a great souirce of info.... [/quote]
I wholeheartedly agree. except i'm an only child, so i don't have any married siblings to talk to about that kind of stuff














or did you mean [i]my kids [/i] brothers and sisters?

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='hopeful1' date='Oct 16 2004, 10:55 PM'] I wholeheartedly agree. except i'm an only child, so i don't have any married siblings to talk to about that kind of stuff














or did you mean [i]my kids [/i] brothers and sisters? [/quote]
your[i] kids [/i]brothers and sisters
thats why you have lots of kids -they are your best source of info!

[hopeful1]

ooooooooooooooh.

[crusader1234]

I personally think that when my kids get into the situation where they have to make the decision to sin or not, I can't make that decision for them. I can't, and won't, stop them from making that choice between chastity and sin. I can, however, raise them to the best of my ability and try to instill in them the value of chastity.

[jmjtina]

Sending them to the basement will not make the problem go away, obviously. Love the child. Pray as a family. With God anything is possible. I think the media also wants us to think that is NORMAL to have pre-marital sex. Look at everything they are up against as well. As a youth minister, this is one subject that is CONSTANTLY talked about because it's also the biggest problem they face. Parents need to be firm in what they believe and why they will follow the teaching of the Church and understand that thier child will have to make thier own choice. As far as the rest of us, we need to be role models and help the teens in our own area. If they made a mistake, don't treat them like a disease. They'll know you think that before you even utter the words.

[b][color=blue]"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
-- Mother Teresa[/color][/b]

Brothers and sisters are a great source of info, so are friends of thier kids!