Ways To Annoy a Southerner

[azaelia]

Ways to Annoy a Southerner

1. When doing ANYTHING, do it right, do it quickly, and be done with it.

2. Pronounce all words the way the dictionary says they are to be pronounced.

3. When giving directions, finish with "Did you get that or should I write it down for you?"

4. Talk at a moderate pace and, when they SLOWLY ask you to speak more slowly say "Okay" and then repeat yourself at the previous pace.

5. When they talk nostalgically about the South, tell 'em "Delta is ready when you are!"

6. Talk loudly and often about the BIG TEN FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL, reminding them often that NASCAR is as much a sport as taxi driving.

7. Refer to every soft drink by its name, even Coke.

8. Always order to drink and eat what is on the menu. Remember, if it's not on the menu, you need to go somewhere else--like Atlanta.

9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.

10. Insist on being addressed by whatever moniker to which you've become accustomed. When they introduce themselves as "Billy Joe" or "Lisa Marie," thereafter (no matter how many times they add their middle name), refer to them as "Billy" or "Lisa."

11. When they inanely bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in reference to their unsuccessful attempt at waging a war, ask them "And could you please refresh my memory--who surrendered to whom?" conversation. If anyone ever says that boring "There was nothing Civil about it" comment, suggest that they try getting a real education--one that would enable them to understand the phrase "Civil War".

12. Address only your male offspring "son" and only females younger than 10 as "little lady".

13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: "It's 'fly swatter,' not 'flash-water'" and add the audible aside "No wonder people from the South seem to have such trouble spelling."

14. Don't worry or take note of what others put on their food. If they ask, "Did you notice I put Tabasco on everything?" answer simply "No." And don't make a display of what you do or don't put on your food.

15. For 'Bama Suthenahs, reply to ignorance about U.S. Geography with questions about why Southern kids aren't taught the subject.

16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a desert you think your host would be pleased to see.

17. Name all of your children appropriately and as you see fit, but give each a unique name.

18. Say "reckon" in a sentence only if you are referring to an automobile accident on a specific road (as in "Did you hear about that reckon I-94 last night?")

19. "Press" buttons. "Turn" on/off lights. "Carry" only something you can lift in your arms and then walk with. "Go get" something you are going to go get.

20. Simply "do" things. Begin sentences with "I'm fixing ..." only when you are engaged in repairing something.

21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.

22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations..

23. When giving directions, point and say, "See that gas station? I think they sell maps. If you are unfamiliar with this area, it would probably be a good idea to get one." If there is no gas station in sight, then give clear and explicit directions if you know them or say "Sorry, I don't know how to get there."

24. Yawn expressively when they ask if it's still snowing up North and say they went driving around in a convertible this weekend. Resume the conversation from the point just before it turned to (yawwwwn) weather.

25. Call 'em an American. Works every time.

Touché

[franciscanheart]

its funny - but it wont work. sorry.

[IcePrincessKRS]

hehehehe

[franciscanheart]

the funniest thing i think is that all of your assumptions are completely false. none of these annoy us - they simply give us a good chuckle.

*pats az on the head* its okay though, we still love you.

[azaelia]

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='azaelia' date='Dec 18 2004, 08:57 PM'] [/quote]
(Psst, I think she's in denial... alot of those would irk my southern friends. lol)

[heyyoimjohnny]

Hahaha, sweet.

[curtins]

i think these would work-

good goin azalia

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' date='Dec 18 2004, 08:01 PM'] (Psst, I think she's in denial... alot of those would irk my southern friends. lol) [/quote]
(PSST NEWSFLASH YOURE WRONG)

[azaelia]

[quote name='hugheyforlife' date='Dec 18 2004, 09:36 PM'] (PSST NEWSFLASH YOURE WRONG) [/quote]
Maybe you're just a special Southerner who's secure in her...southerness.

[franciscanheart]

heh.... yeah. maybe. now stop thinking before you hurt yourself. *pats on head* good girl.

[Phazzan]

hughey, Az was telling me on msn she thinks southerners are inferior. :ph34r:

[theculturewarrior]

*smiles and offers it up to God.*

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='Phazzan' date='Dec 18 2004, 08:42 PM'] hughey, Az was telling me on msn she thinks southerners are inferior. :ph34r: [/quote]
:angry:

[Paladin D]

Finally, a guide for us Yankees. Wahoo!

[azaelia]

[quote name='Phazzan' date='Dec 18 2004, 09:42 PM'] hughey, Az was telling me on msn she thinks southerners are inferior. :ph34r: [/quote]
Riiiight

[Quietfire]

Youz guyz shouldnt ag-U.

Play nicey nice wif the southern peoples.

[azaelia]

[quote name='Quietfire' date='Dec 18 2004, 10:25 PM'] Play nicey nice wif the southern peoples. [/quote]
Have you seen the Ways To Annoy A Yankee thread? Isn't this all a joke?

[franciscanheart]

i thought it was too.... hmmmmmm :ph34r:

[Balthazor]

Azaelia that was nice. Have I told you latley that you rock?

no?



YOU ROCK!

PS....it is snowing up here in the Frozen tundra.....and I drove home with the windows open. yahoo SNOW!!!!

By the way? How are the ski hills down South?