Balthazor Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 I am just curious, does it matter to you guys if your future spouse is a virgin of not?
Balthazor Posted January 5, 2005 Author Posted January 5, 2005 I am just curious. The other post was about money and it kinda got off track. This one is dedicated to virginity alone. No money issues.
Mr Bubble Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 It doesn't matter to me what my future wife has done in the past, as long as she's changed since then.
thessalonian Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 (edited) I hope as a married man I can speak on this thread. Oh well, I am going to anyway, having some experience in this area. I love my wife dearly, no doudt. And while in this age we live in with divorce so common and all, there are few women out there without some sort of a track record or otherwise. One finds himself almost by neccessity, with a willingness to overlook some things in a woman. Of course the same goes for them with us (they of course will say "ain't that the TRUTH" ). However with regard to past sexual activity, whether in another marriage or outside of marriage, it is important that one knows there are effects of those relationships even if there has been repentence. First of all, there are endorphens or something like that released in the experience that causes attachment to the person, greater than would normally be without such activity. Secondly I heard a doctor talking about how in the exchange of bodily fluids (I'm trying to be delicate in this post)in both directions (it's not just a one way street), there are actually physical changes caused in both the man and the woman, caused by the fluids. I don't remember the details. Then because of all of this when the two separate from eachother there are much greater consequences in the physchological health of the two individuals that is much greater than just a couple of people breaking up over whether they should have kids or not with no sexual activity. These issues will have effects on the marriage and so it is good to be aware of them. Another consideration of course is that with a woman who is "experienced" shall we say, the temptation is greater for a man of good morals while dating. I am not saying that all "experienced" women have bad morals. A virginal woman provides motivation for the man to allow her to remain chaste till marriage and for himself as well. It is a goal then for them. Of course if children are a part of either sides previous marriage, there are rather large issues that have to be overcome. (My wife had 3 boys from her previous marriage) between you and the children, especially if the former spouse is a part of the children's lives (and hes as big a *%&$# as my wife's ex). Another thing to consider of course is STDs. Some do not manifest themselves with symtoms. So while you (if you have been active) or your future spouse may not be active with eachother or if your spouse was previously married and was chaste herself but her husband was not, she may not have symptoms yet may have contracted something from him she doesn't know about. By the way ladies I would answer his question the same if it were asked by a woman. Just some things to think about when answering this question. Edited January 5, 2005 by thessalonian
theculturewarrior Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 If a woman has consecrated herself and her body to God, then it doesn't matter what she has in her past. That's not to deny that it is an issue, a painful one that would need to be resolved.
thessalonian Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 [quote name='theculturewarrior' date='Jan 5 2005, 11:24 AM'] If a woman has consecrated herself and her body to God, then it doesn't matter what she has in her past. That's not to deny that it is an issue, a painful one that would need to be resolved. [/quote] I do agree. Just laying out the issues.
traichuoi Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 i desire it...but if he's not, we can work through it
1337 k4th0l1x0r Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 Amongst men, I hear more sexually active men say they want to marry a virgin than chaste men say. They have a huge double standard that they don't like women who sleep around but will do so themselves. Good Catholic men know that people make mistakes and as long as one repents and resolves to live chastely that is what's important. There are women who have never been in any kind of sexual activity only because they haven't had the opportunity and there are women who have slept with a hundred men who realize what they have done and repent, heal, and wait until marriage. It's really a model of the love God has for us. God loves us even though we've sinned because we repent of our sins. Now if a woman doesn't regret what she's done in the past and repent of it then that's a different story. Virginity and chastity are not equivalent.
1337 k4th0l1x0r Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 Here's another question. If you were going to marry someone who was not a virgin, would it be right to insist that he/she get tested for STDs even if he/she claims he/she got tested sometime in the past but before you started dating?
shelly_freak Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 Well I had to think about how I'd word this but I'll just say it bluntly...I'm saving myself for him so he better have respect for his body. I don't want no player
shelly_freak Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 [quote name='1337 k4th0l1x0r' date='Jan 5 2005, 11:42 AM'] Here's another question. If you were going to marry someone who was not a virgin, would it be right to insist that he/she get tested for STDs even if he/she claims he/she got tested sometime in the past but before you started dating? [/quote] I think that's very acceptable. They should want to get tested, they should care for you enough to make sure they're not gonna give you a disease.
homeschoolmom Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 (edited) [quote name='1337 k4th0l1x0r' date='Jan 5 2005, 11:42 AM'] Here's another question. If you were going to marry someone who was not a virgin, would it be right to insist that he/she get tested for STDs even if he/she claims he/she got tested sometime in the past but before you started dating? [/quote] If he said he got tested, but you can't trust that he did, you shouldn't be marrying him... If you think he's hiding something from you, you have bigger issues... Edited January 5, 2005 by homeschoolmom
1337 k4th0l1x0r Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 [quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Jan 5 2005, 11:46 AM'] If he said he got tested, but you can't trust that he did, you shouldn't be marrying him... [/quote] Well, I ask the question because often times someone will be in a sexual relationship, it ends, and they think "Oh no, I better get tested!" They go out, get tested, and the results come out all clear. However, many STDs take several months to show up on a blood test. You can trust the person that they did get a test and it came out clear, but it could be that the test itself didn't tell the whole picture. A test years later may show something that has yet to manifest physical symptoms but is present nonetheless. HIV, for example, won't show up until 6 months or so after infection and can take years before symptoms develop. One may ask that if the person was involved sexually with a previous partner for several months or years, then the STD's would most likely have been contracted in the early stages of that relationship so even right after the relationship ended all would show up on a test. However, if a cheating partner was involved, that's not true and something new can be present in the final days of the relationship that won't show up for a while.
homeschoolmom Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 True. And if you ask him to take another test and he refuses, I wouldn't marry him...
cmotherofpirl Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 [quote name='1337 k4th0l1x0r' date='Jan 5 2005, 01:37 PM'] There are women who have never been in any kind of sexual activity only because they haven't had the opportunity and there are women who have slept with a hundred men who realize what they have done and repent, heal, and wait until marriage. It's really a model of the love God has for us. God loves us even though we've sinned because we repent of our sins. [/quote] This is SO important! Many people trumpet loudly about not committing a particular sin do so with the sin of pride. God then treats such hubris with great temptation, and they fall rather hard. No matter what the sin is, never say to yourself smugly "I could NEVER do that". SomeOne up there IS listening. [this is not about any phatmassers so do not take it personally]
Balthazor Posted January 5, 2005 Author Posted January 5, 2005 [quote name='thessalonian' date='Jan 5 2005, 11:13 AM'] By the way ladies I would answer his question the same if it were asked by a woman. [/quote] Um, it was asked by a woman.....me.
homeschoolmom Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 [quote name='Balthazor' date='Jan 5 2005, 12:02 PM'] Um, it was asked by a woman.....me. [/quote] I think he meant if it were asked the other way around... I think the thread morphed into she's a virgin and he's not thinking...
1337 k4th0l1x0r Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 [quote name='Balthazor' date='Jan 5 2005, 12:02 PM'] Um, it was asked by a woman.....me. [/quote] Well, it is hard to determine if you're male of female based on your screen name. In fact, your sn reminds me of an NPC in Chrono Trigger who's a dude.
thessalonian Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 (edited) [quote name='Balthazor' date='Jan 5 2005, 12:02 PM'] Um, it was asked by a woman.....me. [/quote] Well you got a picture of two dudes on your post so I assumed . My apologies. Let's just say ignore any gender specific references in my post. Wasn't Balthazar one of those three wise dudes? Blessings Edited January 5, 2005 by thessalonian
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