Favorite Simpsons Quotes

[stargirl3:16]

(The kids are in a focus group for The Itchy and Scratchy Show.)

Man: You each have a knob in front of you. When you like what you see, turn the knob to the right. When you don't like what you see, turn it left.
Ralph: (has his knob in his mouth) My knob tastes funny.
Man: Please refrain from tasting the knob.

[stargirl3:16]

Lisa: What do you say to a boy to let him know you're not interested?
Marge: Well, honey, when I...
Homer: (puts up a hand) Let me handle this, Marge, I've heard 'em all. ``I like you as a friend.'' ``I think we should see other people.'' ``I don't speak English.''
Lisa: I get the idea.
Homer: (not getting the hint) ``I'm married to the sea.'' ``I don't wanna kill you, but I will.'' ...

[Didacus]

Homer: "Ahhhhh, I'm gonna lose my job because I'm dangerously unqualified!"

[stargirl3:16]

(Homer is mad after Moe steals a drink recipe he invented.)

Homer: (grumbles) Stupid Moe, non-inventing, recipe-stealing, pug-nosed...
Marge: Well, Homer, maybe you can get some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.
Homer: (sickly sweet) Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! (leaves the room, slamming the door. Pokes his head back in) Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic.(closes the door)
Marge: Well, DUH!

[Old_Joe]

Homer: "Every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my head. Like that time when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive."
Marge: "You didn't forget how to drive, you were drunk."

[YMNolan]

After Sideshow Bob is apprehended...

[b]Bart:[/b] "Take 'em away, boys!"
[b]Chief Wiggum:[/b] "Hey, that's my line!... Take 'em away, toys!"
[b]Officer:[/b] "Did you just call us toys, Chief?"
[b]Chief Wiggum:[/b] "Err... do what the kid said."

[traichuoi]

not a big fan of the new series...but the old ones are great!

[AlterDominicus]

"Dope!"

[traichuoi]

i love this thread...

[KnightofChrist]

Homer: [to bartender] Hey! Give me one of those famous giant beers
I've heard so much about.
[bartender puts a huge beer in front of him]

Bartender: Something wrong, yank?

Homer: No. It's pretty big...I guess.

Marge: I'll just have a cup of coffee.

Bartender: Beer, it is.

Marge: No, I said "coffee".

Bartender: "Beer"?

Marge: [slowly] Coff-ee.

Bartender: Be-er?

Marge: C -- O --

Bartender: B -- E --

--------------------------------------------

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

[quote name='Old_Joe' post='888280' date='Feb 15 2006, 03:02 PM']
Homer: "Every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my head. Like that time when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive."
Marge: "You didn't forget how to drive, you were drunk."
[/quote]

[SJRod55]

" Wilma!"......

..............................

Ooops..... Sorry I'm a Flintstone fan!

[Theologian in Training]

From a more recent episode: "Moe N' a Lisa"

[b]Marge:[/b] Homer, don't drink and drive!
[b]Homer:[/b] Fine, I'll drive between sips.

[b]Moe:[/b] Look at me, sitting here depressed when I'm surrounded by the happiest people in the world : writers.

[b]Homer:[/b] I love these covered bridges. It's like driving through cute little houses.
Guy on Hood: That was my house, you moron!

[b]Moe:[/b] That’s a terrific title. It jumps out at you like a rat out of your underwear drawer.

[b]Lisa:[/b] Go ahead, I don't think I'd be very good company.
[b]Homer:[/b] Thanks for the heads up, we'll see you when we see you!

Edited February 7, 2007 by Theologian in Training

[stargirl3:16]

In honor of The Simpsons Movie, coming out TOMORROW, here's a quote from one of the trailers.

(Homer is holding a pig upside down and walking it along the ceiling as he says...)

Homer: Spiderpig, spiderpig, does whatever a spiderpig does.

[Theologian in Training]

[i]Meanwhile, at the batting cages, Homer steps up to the plate.[/i]

[b]Homer:[/b] Stand back and watch the pro.
[b]Lisa:[/b] Uh, shouldn't you put on a batting helmet?
[b]Homer:[/b] Nah, they mess up my hair.

[i]After dropping in a coin, Homer takes a swing and misses. "Ooh, ball
one," he says. Another swing, another miss, "Ball two." he says.
"This bozo's gonna walk me." After getting hit by a pitch, he picks a
fight with the machine, but only ends up getting hit again and again.
He finally falls to the floor, taking repeated baseballs to the body.
Bart and Lisa watch outside.[/i]

[b]Lisa:[/b] Hang in there, Dad, just half a basket left!
[b]Bart:[/b] Wow, you sure get a lot of balls for a quarter.

[i]Marge and Homer fold laundry in the kitchen. While Marge hums to
herself and folds towels, Homer hands her a large ball of socks.[/i]

[b]Homer:[/b] I rolled up all the socks, [i][holds up a giant wad of socks][/i] what's next?
[b]Marge:[/b][i] [takes the socks][/i] While I deal with this, why don't you start on that basket?
[b]Homer:[/b] All right ... oh, I hate folding sheets. [i][holds up a sheet][/i]
[b]Marge:[/b] That's your underwear.

When Bart shoots a bird he decides to care for the eggs she left behind.

[i]In the coming days, Bart protects his eggs by adjusting the light and putting a parasol over them to keep out the rain. Homer, repeating his mistake, falls down the stairs once more. Bart later hoses down the cat when it tries to grab his eggs.[/i]

[b]Marge:[/b] What do you think he's doing up there?
[b]Homer:[/b] I don't know. Drug lab?
[b]Marge:[/b] Drug lab?!
[b]Homer:[/b] Or reading comic books, what am I, Kreskin? You tell me what he's doing.
[b]Marge:[/b] I don't know, and I don't want to know. And I'm going to find out.

Season 10 Episode 3 "Bart The Mother" [url="http://www.snpp.com/episodes/5F22"]http://www.snpp.com/episodes/5F22[/url]

Edited August 21, 2007 by Theologian in Training

[XIX]

Once you go Vatican, you can't go back again.