cappie Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 With this Sunday's Gospel in mind I like the old light bulb jokes. Maybe you’ve heard them: How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed. How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? Change? My grandmother gave the church that light bulb! How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb? One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today. How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. Only candles are permitted. How many Epicopalians does it take to change a light bulb? The changing of the light bulb requires the approval by voice vote at two consecutive general conventions, to be proceeded by a proposed change circulated by the standing light committee, to be circulated for comment for a minimum of 24 months. The rubric for the number required will then be reflected in our canons. Until that time. no unauthorized changing of light bulbs will be permitted, except as required for sensitivity to diverse cultures.
JazzforJesus Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Im a bass player im allowed to make this joke how many good bass players does it take to change a light bulb? 1 but good luck on finding him
JazzforJesus Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 back with more bass joke... no really im a bass player, and i know these jokes are half true Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A. Never mind. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A. Six: One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light. Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A. Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.
HomeTeamFamily Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 cappie i saw those jokes on our FBC page lol good stuff
Dreamweaver Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Hehe, I love lightbulb jokes. Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it'll take him a dozen bulbs to realize that you can't just shove them in Q: How many jazz bassists does it take to change a light bulb? A: 6. One to change the bulb, and 5 to debate how Jaco Pastorius (Charle Mingus, insert favorite bass idol) would have changed it. I knew a whole bunch, but I forgot many of them.
HomeTeamFamily Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 (edited) heres one for ICTHUS and all the other canadians on PM Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, [b]and one to drop the puck.[/b] :rotfl: Edited February 4, 2005 by VoloHumilisEsse
Scofizzle Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Q: How many preists does it take to change a ligth bulb? A: Just a Basilian!
StColette Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 [quote name='VoloHumilisEsse' date='Feb 4 2005, 12:37 AM'] heres one for ICTHUS and all the other canadians on PM Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, [b]and one to drop the puck.[/b] :rotfl: [/quote] ROFL oooh how I love Canadians
wopsim Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 [quote name='JazzforJesus' date='Feb 3 2005, 09:55 PM'] Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A. Never mind. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand [/quote] I LOVE THAT ONE!!!!!
jp2_rules Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 how many singers does it take to change a light bulb? one. he holds the light bulb, and the world revolves around him.
jp2_rules Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? Ten. One to handle the bulb and nine others to tell him how much better they could have done it. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They have machines that do that now. Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners ? So the rest of the band can understand them. How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb? 1."One, two, three, one, two, three..." 2."Hey man, I just do sound." 3.One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band. How many guitarist do you need to change a light bulb? 10, one to change it, and 9 to criticise his finger style. ahhh, musician jokes....
wopsim Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 [quote name='jp2_rules' date='Feb 4 2005, 07:57 AM'] how many singers does it take to change a light bulb? one. he holds the light bulb, and the world revolves around him. [/quote] i've heard that one but it was how many sopranos instead of just singers
1337 k4th0l1x0r Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 How many (insert favorite or least favorite college here) sorority girls does it take to change a lightbulb? 2. One to make daquiris while the other calls daddy. How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? 10. One to change it and nine to figure out what do with it for the next 10,000 years. How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Bill Gates will just make darkness the new industry standard.
jp2_rules Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 [quote name='wopsim' date='Feb 4 2005, 10:12 AM'] i've heard that one but it was how many sopranos instead of just singers [/quote] it's often used, and i've always heard it in regards to a band's lead vocalist. it's so true, as are all the musician ones, that i have to laugh really hard.
JazzforJesus Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 i wonder how many will get this.. how many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? 2, 4, 2, 5, 2, 5, 2, 7
stargirl3:16 Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 How many catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? Nun.
jp2_rules Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 haha, that's good. even though this is a lightbulb thread, i can't help share a few other musician jokes i know.... how do you know there's a drummer at the door? he's knocking too fast and comes in too early How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando? Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm. Why do bands have bass players? To translate for the drummer. What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? Counterpoint. Did you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed? There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either. Why don't bass players play hide and seek? Because no one will look for them. What do you call a person who hangs out with the band all the time? The Drummer. What's the definition of a bass player? Halfway between a drummer and a muscian. How do you confuse a bassist? Put one of his strings out of tune, but don't tell him which one! sorry for all the bassist digs....lol...there are a lot of guitarist jokes as well. we all love each other---honestly!
JazzforJesus Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 sadly some of those bass jokes are true.. nobody looks for me in hide and go seek... since we have some non lightbulb jokes ill do some too h/o
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