Azriel Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Anyone else a people pleaser? Do you try to be all things to all people? this is one of my chief struggles and triggers of my anxiety and depression. I find myself doing this more and moe lately...especially with my Mother in Law and Best friend...my mind is constantly concerned with what they think of me. Like today, my MIL just dropped by, and my house was a wreck. I instantly thought she must think I'm the world's worst mom. Instead of shrugging it off, I obsess over it. So, what say you my pham? How can I stop this behavior? Any words of wisdom? God Bless!
Brother Adam Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 have you ever read the book "Boundries"?
Azriel Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 No....more info please...I'm a rabid reader.
Thy Geekdom Come Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Yes, I am...and sometimes it stretches me way too thin...
Azriel Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 [quote name='Raphael' date='Feb 14 2005, 09:43 PM'] Yes, I am...and sometimes it stretches me way too thin... [/quote] So what do you do about it? Anything? Or are you like me...teetering on the brink of giving up and hiding?
rachael Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 oy. i have this problem. it's like a disease.
karin Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 i only do it with certain people. there is this one person i am doing it with and it is horrible
Brother Adam Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Boundries is a highly popular book. It is Protestant, but it is so good that even Fransicans bookstore carries it. There are not any anti-Catholic concepts in the books. Amazon.com: [url="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0310247454/qid=1108435675/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/103-2454135-0903824?v=glance&s=books&n=507846"]Boundries[/url]
Azriel Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 [quote name='Brother Adam' date='Feb 14 2005, 09:49 PM'] Boundries is a highly popular book. It is Protestant, but it is so good that even Fransicans bookstore carries it. There are not any anti-Catholic concepts in the books. Amazon.com: [url="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0310247454/qid=1108435675/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/103-2454135-0903824?v=glance&s=books&n=507846"]Boundries[/url] [/quote] Thanks! Gosh, glad to see I'm not alone. It really is devestating.
Thy Geekdom Come Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 [quote name='Azriel' date='Feb 14 2005, 10:45 PM'] So what do you do about it? Anything? Or are you like me...teetering on the brink of giving up and hiding? [/quote] Pray for more strength and make time to visit the Blessed Sacrament. We are called to give our all, like Christ, but even He took time to go pray and get away from the crowds.
Norseman82 Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 [quote name='Azriel' date='Feb 14 2005, 09:45 PM'] So what do you do about it? Anything? Or are you like me...teetering on the brink of giving up and hiding? [/quote] 1) I learned that in the end, the only person I need to please is Christ. 2) Sometimes you have to learn to just say "No" to people, and if they don't like it, "tough". 3) It also helps to know the Faith, because manipulative people will often use religion to manipulate others. 4) I also learned that I cannot ignore my own needs. That is a start. I hope it helps.
MichaelFilo Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 The first cure to people pleasing is to talk to those who you feel you cannot keep up with their high standards for you. I'm sure your MIL has had similar cases in when someone came over and she didn't have the house ready. Be open with other people who you feel you must meet their standards. You'll find that you aren't failing to meet their standards, your failing to meet what you think is their standards. God bless, Mikey
Kilroy the Ninja Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 What I need help with is being able to tell people no. I don't want to tell people no, but it is apparently starting to affect my home life. I can't get anything done. Between school and helping everyone else out, my house is REALLY suffering and I'm really starting to suffer for it too. But if my friends called and needed me I'd drop everything and go help. Again. And always. How do I find balance? Anyone? Will this Boundaries book work with that?
Azriel Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 [quote name='Kilroy the Ninja' date='Feb 15 2005, 10:42 AM'] What I need help with is being able to tell people no. I don't want to tell people no, but it is apparently starting to affect my home life. I can't get anything done. Between school and helping everyone else out, my house is REALLY suffering and I'm really starting to suffer for it too. But if my friends called and needed me I'd drop everything and go help. Again. And always. How do I find balance? Anyone? Will this Boundaries book work with that? [/quote] Boy does that ever sound like me ....
Thy Geekdom Come Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 [quote name='Kilroy the Ninja' date='Feb 15 2005, 11:42 AM'] What I need help with is being able to tell people no. I don't want to tell people no, but it is apparently starting to affect my home life. I can't get anything done. Between school and helping everyone else out, my house is REALLY suffering and I'm really starting to suffer for it too. But if my friends called and needed me I'd drop everything and go help. Again. And always. How do I find balance? Anyone? Will this Boundaries book work with that? [/quote] Haha...I know that feeling. Go look at my pics on the picture thread of my room...it was an absolute pigsty for the longest time...it's clean now, but for how long...?
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