lil bull 04 Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Today is Memorial Day and well I'm already feeling like carp because I'm away from home...not my home with my parents...my home with other people in the military. I hate being home with my parents. Since I've been home I have thought about killing myself twice because all they do is yell at me because of things that I did in my past and they call me a coward because I ran away from home by joining the Army. I really hate being here because I feel unappreciated. I felt the same way when I came home for Christmas. It bothers me that I'm going overseas in 2 weeks and may never see them again because I may end up going to Iraq in the near future but honestly it hurts me to know that they only care about what happened in the past and can't seem to get past that. On the flip side I am getting married on 11 June 2005 to my wonderful fiance who can't stand how my parents treat me and I know he would be very upset if I told him I felt like killing myself because he knows I did try it when I was alot younger and my dad said all sorts of mean stuff to me and sometimes beat me...by beating I mean slamming my head into the wall, slapping me, kicking me, hitting me with a belt...that kind of thing. My fiance hates how I've been treated and feels I deserve much better which I do. Please pray for me. This isn't easy and won't be since I am moving to Germany on 13 June 2005 and I will be away from my new husband. Also pray for my husband who is also in the military.
KizlarAgha Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 [quote name='lil bull 04' date='May 30 2005, 05:18 PM'] Today is Memorial Day and well I'm already feeling like carp because I'm away from home...not my home with my parents...my home with other people in the military. I hate being home with my parents. Since I've been home I have thought about killing myself twice because all they do is yell at me because of things that I did in my past and they call me a coward because I ran away from home by joining the Army. I really hate being here because I feel unappreciated. I felt the same way when I came home for Christmas. It bothers me that I'm going overseas in 2 weeks and may never see them again because I may end up going to Iraq in the near future but honestly it hurts me to know that they only care about what happened in the past and can't seem to get past that. On the flip side I am getting married on 11 June 2005 to my wonderful fiance who can't stand how my parents treat me and I know he would be very upset if I told him I felt like killing myself because he knows I did try it when I was alot younger and my dad said all sorts of mean stuff to me and sometimes beat me...by beating I mean slamming my head into the wall, slapping me, kicking me, hitting me with a belt...that kind of thing. My fiance hates how I've been treated and feels I deserve much better which I do. Please pray for me. This isn't easy and won't be since I am moving to Germany on 13 June 2005 and I will be away from my new husband. Also pray for my husband who is also in the military. [/quote] I'll pray for you. Just remember not to give in to the desire to kill yourself. The way I get through it is by realizing that if God really exists, he won't like me killing myself. And if he doesn't exist, then this shitty life is all I have so I might as well protect it. Prayers...
cathgirl Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 That's horrible! I will definitely be praying for you! :hearts: I agree w/ Kizlar on the advice.
lil bull 04 Posted May 30, 2005 Author Posted May 30, 2005 i don't want to kill myself i just feel like it. everytime i think about it i realize i can't because once i get married i will be much happier away from these people i call my family and make my life miserable. then i won't have to come home to them if i don't want to because my fiance has a great family who loves me. i also realize God doesn't want me to kill myself and that I would go to hell if I did...I hate this place.
KizlarAgha Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 [quote name='lil bull 04' date='May 30 2005, 05:27 PM'] i don't want to kill myself i just feel like it. everytime i think about it i realize i can't because once i get married i will be much happier away from these people i call my family and make my life miserable. then i won't have to come home to them if i don't want to because my fiance has a great family who loves me. i also realize God doesn't want me to kill myself and that I would go to hell if I did...I hate this place. [/quote] We'll pray for you. And just try to focus on the good things. I also recommend getting a stuffed animal of some kind - mine make me happier. Chocolate is also good.
philothea Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Prayers, definitely. Grrrr. :angry: I gather your family is not Catholic? Treating you that way is inexcusable, no matter WHAT you did in the past. Go out somewhere if you can, or at least hang out online here. *I* appreciate having you around! Families -- even not totally bad ones -- screw up holidays so regularly I now stay home. They can be petty to each other without me.
KizlarAgha Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 [quote name='philothea' date='May 30 2005, 05:37 PM'] Prayers, definitely. Grrrr. :angry: I gather your family is not Catholic? Treating you that way is inexcusable, no matter WHAT you did in the past. Go out somewhere if you can, or at least hang out online here. *I* appreciate having you around! Families -- even not totally bad ones -- screw up holidays so regularly I now stay home. They can be petty to each other without me. [/quote] I stay at home because my family hasn't allowed me to go visit relatives for the past 2 years.
lil bull 04 Posted May 30, 2005 Author Posted May 30, 2005 mmmmmmm chocolate. i don't need a stuffed animal i've got a german shepherd puppy who is cute as can be but the only problem he is way too hairy to cudde up to. i wish my fiance was here. he's way better than a stuffed animal not to mention all the chocolate he'd make me consume...oooooh that was a good thought for a moment of course the last time i got sick after I ate alot of chocolate...grrrrrrrrr
KizlarAgha Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 [quote name='lil bull 04' date='May 30 2005, 05:38 PM'] mmmmmmm chocolate. i don't need a stuffed animal i've got a german shepherd puppy who is cute as can be but the only problem he is way too hairy to cudde up to. i wish my fiance was here. he's way better than a stuffed animal not to mention all the chocolate he'd make me consume...oooooh that was a good thought for a moment of course the last time i got sick after I ate alot of chocolate...grrrrrrrrr [/quote] Well not having a dog or a fiance I do the best I can with surrogates.
lil bull 04 Posted May 30, 2005 Author Posted May 30, 2005 like i said the dog is too hairy and the fiance is about 1000 miles away so i think i'll have to live with the chocolate and maybe even a little coffee who knows ,aybe i'll go running and do some PT its good for the mind, soul, and body.
KizlarAgha Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 [quote name='lil bull 04' date='May 30 2005, 05:57 PM'] like i said the dog is too hairy and the fiance is about 1000 miles away so i think i'll have to live with the chocolate and maybe even a little coffee who knows ,aybe i'll go running and do some PT its good for the mind, soul, and body. [/quote] PT rocks! It's pretty hard though. Especially maxing out on pushups where you can't even do girl pushup position when you're done.
lil bull 04 Posted May 30, 2005 Author Posted May 30, 2005 [quote name='philothea' date='May 30 2005, 05:37 PM'] Prayers, definitely. Grrrr. :angry: I gather your family is not Catholic? Treating you that way is inexcusable, no matter WHAT you did in the past. Go out somewhere if you can, or at least hang out online here. *I* appreciate having you around! Families -- even not totally bad ones -- screw up holidays so regularly I now stay home. They can be petty to each other without me. [/quote] my family is not catholic. they are lutheran...or at least claim to be. i myself am no longer lutheran. i hated the lutheran church because they seem to be so unforgiving about things. even small sins they seem to tell everyone about your problems when it is no one elses business to know. i hate it.
lil bull 04 Posted May 30, 2005 Author Posted May 30, 2005 [quote name='KizlarAgha' date='May 30 2005, 06:00 PM'] PT rocks! It's pretty hard though. Especially maxing out on pushups where you can't even do girl pushup position when you're done. [/quote] pt is great for de-stressing or at least temporary de stressing at this point
KizlarAgha Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 [quote name='lil bull 04' date='May 30 2005, 06:11 PM'] pt is great for de-stressing or at least temporary de stressing at this point [/quote] Indeed. It was helpful for me when I was really stressing out for awhile. Exercise always gives you endorphines and improves mood.
lil bull 04 Posted May 30, 2005 Author Posted May 30, 2005 ya wanna know what else puts me in a good mood talk to people who make me laugh alot...thanks
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