Is there such a thing as "the one"?

[Sarah_JC]

Okay, is there such a thing as "the one"? I'd say "soulmates" but that sounds foolish.
I was discussing this with a friend, and my friends said that if God called a person to marriage, there would be a specific person.
But what if that person denies their vocation? What then, is the vocation of the abandoned future spouce?

Or is there really no "one" person?

(I'm not sure if this goes under vocation station, or debate table. I'll leave it up to the mod's.)

[Ash Wednesday]

I don't believe God's plan operates in such a linear fashion. While in the very end, God oversees all, I do believe on a certain level we exercise our free will in vocational matters. God can guide us to a destination in a sense, but he cannot choose for us, or as Norseman put it, "micromanage" in the Calvinistic way.

As far as spouses are concerned, I've been thinking about this and I don't think there is necessarily just "one." Sometimes it happens that way, of course. But I think one can be compatible with more than one person in life. (Just not at the same time.)

[God Conquers]

I definately don't believe in "the one" in a predestined sense.

You can come to discover "the one" out of any number of different people of the opposite sex, but they only become "the one" when you decide to lay down your whole life for them.

Marriage isn't about finding the "perfect person" for you... because in all truth that person does not exist. It's about loving that imperfect person who you love and growing together in holiness for the rest of your lives.

[FutureSoror]

I think it's possible that there are people who are 'meant' to be together, but that doesn't mean they are the only ones that they can be compatible with. God has a plan for each one of us. We can mess up the plan and end up having to take a route that, while it can work, isn't as good as God origionally provided for.

[Sarah_JC]

FutureSoror, if X fails to see that God intends X to have a vocation to Y, but instead chooses Z, what becomes of Y? Does Y become a monk/nun, stay single, or marry someone else? If Y marries someone else, does that create another similar situation.

I'm confused on this topic, neither the idea of "the one", not the absence of such a person seems to make sence to me.

[God Conquers]

Hey Sarah, where in Nova Scotia are you from?

[Matty_boy]

I'm currently engaged to a beautiful Texas woman. What I have realized in our three months of engagement is that marriage is about finding out that no matter how perfect you think your spouse may be, you find out more and more how IMperfect you are, and constantly try to reshape how you deal with different situations with your spouse. Even if your spouse is being a cotton-headed ninny-muggins, there's always a right and wrong way to approach them. Marriage (i think) is about learning the right way because you love that person and want to spend the rest of your life with that person without making either of you crazy.

Married couples, am I on the right track?

[franciscanheart]

The highest goal in a marriage is to help each other get to Heaven. You learn to constantly better youself and help lift your spouse up to God. The next step I guess would be to raise little saints and help lead them to Heaven.

My opinion=I don't know. Let me get back to you on this one.

[avalia]

My seminarian friend told me this last year....maybe it will help.

There isn't one person meant for you out there.

That would be going against free will.

The world, in actuality - is full of possible soul-mates. That explains why a widow can remarry and still be as in love as they were with their spouse that passed.

Many people are waiting to love you, and be loved by you.

I kind of like that idea, myself.

[Sarah_JC]

avalia, that's beautiful. specifically "Many people are waiting to love you, and be loved by you."
so is the passage in you signature. so beautiful. *gushes*

[Catholictothecore]

Remember, God does want us to be happy. He has a will, yes, but He oh so lovingly....manages that will to our choices as well. Why? Because he loves us. Simply because of that.

I do think that he may create two people and intend them for each other. But that does not designate Soul Mates. What it does mean is that he knows best us! but, if for whatever reason a guy and girl get married and consumate that marriage and they were not those two people, God's intends for those two to be "cling" to each other, as Adam says in Genesis. So, yes, they are people who are better matches then others, but by no means soul mates.

Then again, I could be dead wrong.

[Dudette]

[quote name='God Conquers' date='Jun 9 2005, 03:43 PM']Hey Sarah, where in Nova Scotia are you from?
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take a wild guess.

[Catholictothecore]

I think, guys, that her way of saying "Whatever."

[Sarah_JC]

I only tell people where I live in PM. And even then I'm vauge. Turns out Matt knows me. I really look up to the guy.

I'd like to thank everyone for responding, all of you said something that helped. And comforted.
If you couldn't figure out, that was a personal question. And I'm reading "Love and Responsibility"... notice the X and Y...
But if there's no "the one" and by dating again I won't be stealing someone else's "the one" then I think I'm going to be okay.
So this always happens to me, I stumble upon a thread at this point, something to add and it's wrapped up. So go ahead, post. I'd love to read it.

[let_go_let_God]

I don't really know how to say this, but bear with me.

God has a wonderful and amazing plan for each and every one of us. However, we have our own plans that may not co-inside with what God wants for us. Now if a person wants to become married but God wants them to be a sister/priest I've always believed and was taught that God would sorta "compromise" and would help to achieve what would appease his original plans and what the person wants.

Now as for "the one" there might be "the one" for tricky situations, "the one" you want to marry "the one" you will be friends with forever, but "the one" the quotes are filled by you. You find and fill in who will be "the one."

God bless-
LGLG

[philothea]

[quote name='Matty_boy' date='Jun 9 2005, 01:46 PM']I'm currently engaged to a beautiful Texas woman.  What I have realized in our three months of engagement is that marriage is about finding out that no matter how perfect you think your spouse may be, you find out more and more how IMperfect you are, and constantly try to reshape how you deal with different situations with your spouse.  Even if your spouse is being a cotton-headed ninny-muggins, there's always a right and wrong way to approach them.  Marriage (i think) is about learning the right way because you love that person and want to spend the rest of your life with that person without making either of you crazy. 

Married couples, am I on the right track?
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Sounds about right to me. And, as I always say, remember that the most fabulous person in the world, who is your very most favorite bestest friend...

... will always wind up being a pain in the behind if you're around them for long enough.

Humility and patience get a lot of exercise. I suppose that's true for many people, but when you're bound together for life, you really do have to make it work. Which is good! I feel sad for people who, the moment there's a bit of turmoil, think they've made a horrible mistake and want to abandon their spouse.

Now that I've scared everyone away from the idea of marriage....

[mamalove]

[quote name='philothea' date='Jun 9 2005, 09:42 PM']Sounds about right to me.  And, as I always say, remember that the most fabulous person in the world, who is your very most favorite bestest friend...

... will always wind up being a pain in the behind if you're around them for long enough. 

Humility and patience get a lot of exercise.  I suppose that's true for many people, but when  you're bound together for life, you really do have to make it work.  Which is good!  I feel sad for people who, the moment there's a bit of turmoil, think they've made a horrible mistake and want to abandon their spouse.

Now that I've scared everyone away from the idea of marriage....
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That is soooo true! You have to work on a marraige to make it last. It needs humility, patience and understanding.

I belive that there are a few lucky couples out there that are "soul mates." But, for the majority of us, we have to work just a little bit harder in our relationships to make them last. But our work bears fruit in this life and especially the next.


Oh, yea. . .I know I haven't been around much. I've been up to my elbows in dirty diapers. We're trying to potty train Pete. That would be great. . .One down, two to go!

[disturbedxfairy]

i personally do believe that there is "the one". but on the question of what if X does not choose Y as their spouse than Y has either another vocation of is to be with Z. i believe that you have "the one" but if not choosen than life will still be happy but not as happy as if you had choosen "the one". does this make any sense?

i also believe that even those in the vocation of priesthood/sisterhood even have "the one".

[Mickey's_Girl]

I don't believe in "the one", and other people have explained why better than I could. I do think there are probably people who are specifically matched from birth (don't most people know a couple who's perfect for each other and *wouldn't* work for anyone else, and you think, "Gosh, if THEY could find each other, there's someone for EVERYONE!"?), but that probably doesn't hold true for everyone.

The most important thing is to trust God to take care of you, and not worry. I know this sounds trite...but I speak from personal experience. I have a strong vocation to marriage but have not yet been able to fully exercise that vocation. What I do know is that God has plans for me, and I need to be fully submitted to his will, wherever that may take me.

As a very dear older friend of mine used to say, "Better 25 years with the right person than 50 with the wrong one." She spoke from experience, having married in her 30s and becoming widowed in her 50s.

Hang in there, all!

MG