I believe in god

[TheSpoken1]

I'm new to this site, and my friend told me about it. I have always looked to god, for answers, for a sign, something along that line. I believe in him so much, but I sometimes wonder if he is to busy for me. My whole life is a mess ever since I was a child. My mother never wanted me, My father abused me, along with my little brother. I was so alone. I never know what path to take. It's like no matter witch one I take, I end up back at the beging. I found out when I was younger that I had a learning disability and that never seemed to matter to my mother. She still hated me. Growing up was really hard, I only had a few friends there and here and that was all I really needed. When I turned 16 my parents split apart. It hurt so much, because my mother used us kids against my father. I've always been a daddys girl. But my father always made me feel odd, the way he always looked at me and touched me and the way he loved me. I've always felt it was wrong. But I was young, what was I reallly suppose to do. My mother was never home or never really cared for us kids. So, it was hard to even have no one to really talk to about nothing. I've had to learn things on my own, or from my freinds or there mothers. I've always felt like I'm an outkast on life. I was always blamed for my parents splitting up, well my father hated me, because my mother left him. So it was really hard on me. I have always wanted to dye. I've tried in so many ways to just dissappear. I don't remember much of my past, but I know to even think about it, it hurts so much. A few years a go, I just found out that I had ADHD, and I was going to counsoling for my problems, witch didn't help at all. I never had a life. It's like I have an open wond that will never close or go away. The pain is always there. I just never seem to find happiness, my heart is always getting broken. But I've always been told that my heart is always in the right place, and I just don't see how it really could be. Sometimes I wonder what really keeps me going in life. Some days are harder then others. I could type so much more in this. .

[infinitelord1]

[quote name='TheSpoken1' date='Jul 5 2005, 04:31 PM']I'm new to this site, and my friend told me about it.  I have always looked to god, for answers, for a sign, something along that line. I believe in him so much, but I sometimes wonder if he is to busy for me. My whole life is a mess ever since I was a child.  My mother never wanted me, My father abused me, along with my little brother.  I was so alone. I never know what path to take. It's like no matter witch one I take, I end up back at the beging. I found out when I was younger that I had a learning disability and that never seemed to matter to my mother. She still hated me. Growing up was really hard, I only had a few friends there and here and that was all I really needed.  When I turned 16 my parents split apart. It hurt so much, because my mother used us kids against my father. I've always been a daddys girl. But my father always made me feel odd, the way he always looked at me and touched me and the way he loved me. I've always felt it was wrong. But I was young, what was I reallly suppose to do.  My mother was never home or never really cared for us kids. So, it was hard to even have no one to really talk to about nothing. I've had to learn things on my own, or from my freinds or there mothers.  I've always felt like I'm an outkast on life. I was always blamed for my parents splitting up, well my father hated me, because my mother left him. So it was really hard on me. I have always wanted to dye. I've tried in so many ways to just dissappear. I don't remember much of my past, but I know to even think about it, it hurts so much.  A few years a go, I just found out that I had ADHD, and I was going to counsoling for my problems, witch didn't help at all. I never had a life. It's like I have an open wond that will never close or go away. The pain is always there. I just never seem to find happiness, my heart is always getting broken. But I've always been told that my heart is always in the right place, and I just don't see how it really could be. Sometimes I wonder what really keeps me going in life.  Some days are harder then others. I could type so much more in this. .
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wow sounds a bit like how i feel......maybe these theologians can give u some advice as to which path is the [b]right[/b] path. The way, the truth, and the light.

[TheSpoken1]

Yes, I hope, and believe , and pray

[MilesChristi]

Sister in Christ,

[quote]I'm new to this site, and my friend told me about it. I have always looked to god, for answers, for a sign, something along that line. [/quote]

Welcome to Phatmass! Since you look to God for answers, I will share with you some of the answers He has given you in the Sacred Scriptures...

[quote]I sometimes wonder if he is to busy for me.[/quote]

God's attention is intimately focused upon you at all times.

"'Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father's will.But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.'" Mt. 10:29-31

"O LORD, thou hast searched me and known me!Thou knowest when I sit down and when I rise up; thou discernest my thoughts from afar.Thou searchest out my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.Thou dost beset me behind and before, and layest thy hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it.Whither shall I go from thy Spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend to heaven, thou art there! If I make my bed in Sheol, thou art there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there thy hand shall lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Let only darkness cover me, and the light about me be night, even the darkness is not dark to thee, the night is bright as the day; for darkness is as light with thee. For thou didst form my inward parts, thou didst knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise thee, for thou art fearful and wonderful. Wonderful are thy works! Thou knowest me right well; my frame was not hidden from thee, when I was being made in secret, intricately wrought in the depths of the earth.Thy eyes beheld my unformed substance; in thy book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139:1-16

[quote]My mother never wanted me, My father abused me, along with my little brother. I was so alone.[/quote]

Even if your own kin forsake you, you will not be alone. God's love for you is steadfast and eternal.

"Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you." Isaiah 49:15

[quote]It's like I have an open wond that will never close or go away. The pain is always there. I just never seem to find happiness, my heart is always getting broken.[/quote]

At times it can seem like our suffering will never go away. We can lose sight of hope. God loves us and desires to give us the true happiness which the world cannot provide.

"Behold, the dwelling of God is with men. He will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away." Rev. 21:3-4

Friend, the timing of your arrival at Phatmass is providential. There is a priest here who records weekly reflections called "Father's Phat 5." This week's reflection is called "The Cave of Refuge," and I really think you should hear it. [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phat5/2005/jul03_caveofrefuge.mp3"]Click here[/url] to download it.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

[TheSpoken1]

wow, that's alot, but I think i'm starting to understand.

[cmotherofpirl]

We are not responsible for what happened to us as children, the adults around us are.

The first step is to realize it wasn't our fault.


But when we become adults , we are responsible for dealing with what our past has done to us.


Talking to a good therapist will help.

[TheSpoken1]

I haven't yet gotten to talk to a good therapist yet, I've been through like two I think. It's been so long acutally.

[TheSpoken1]

My parents have always blamed me for there mistakes, It's always been so rough on me, because they put me down so much that now I put myself down even if I haven't done nothing wrong.

[infinitelord1]

[quote name='TheSpoken1' date='Jul 6 2005, 05:40 PM']My parents have always blamed me for there mistakes, It's always been so rough on me, because they put me down so much that now I put myself down even if I haven't done nothing wrong.
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Do u feel angry towards your parents to this day? Do you need closure?

[TheSpoken1]

I am so mad at my parents for not letting me have a life, I don't even know how to deal with people, becuase I wasn't aloud to go and do nothing with anyone or anybody let alone school activities. So, I'm still angry with alot of things. Afraid that people will get me since my parents say I will be a no body and No one will want me. It hurts and lingures from day to day from the years of mental and physical abuse I've gone through.

[curtins]

the spoken1- first let me say welcome to phatmass- I hope you like tacos, so very tasty and good for you, and cake

Offer up your anger towards your parents. I tend to get frustrated with my parents at times but It helps to remember Christ forgiving his executioners to the very last even as he was hanging on the cross. God will reward your suffering. I would suggest therapist as others have said but also a good priest/confessor. Frequent confession and reception of the Eucharist is esential in strengthening yourself spritiually.

above all- pray pray pray


Ill pray for you

[TheSpoken1]

If i would eat tacos, so very tasty and good for you, and cake, I'll be eating that every day !! I'm just so angry that my parents were not parents, I didn't actually have parents, they just had kids they didn't want anything to do with. Except that my father tried his best, I really can't be made at him, but my mother, well I just can't stand her either. She makes me so mad. I mean I've tried hurting myself because I wish I had a normal life like other people did, but instead I had a messed up family life. And had so much taking away from me. I've always tried to give everyone 100 % effort but I can't given get that from my parents.

[TLJC]

hi Spoken1, i read your posts...

your bright and cleaver enough to become a catholic and find the right path.
God always listens, always answers prayers even if the answer is no.
But in your case Childhood may have been robbed from you.. that is not nice and your mother and father plays a big part.
I would not be blaming myself....
Many children who have a bad childhood turn to crime not there fault just the way it turns out. You have not and instead become more involved with the church i am sure that counts for something,

Dont let your parents spoil your life, plan ahead and one day you will be in a position where they will want your help that will happen and when that times comes which it will, help them like they should have helped you and that will show perfect character as that would be a very hard thing to do.
I am sure god listens to you,

Edited July 7, 2005 by TLJC

[DeeDee]

God loves you! You are sooooo precious to God, please remember that. The fact that you are writing and pouring out your story is (to me) a sign that God is working in you and showing you one of the many ways to comfort and peace. I'm not going to quote scripture or such, but ask you to find a church and see if there is a ministry for your age group, whatever that might be. Life has some dark times, doesn't it, but let God into that darkness, for God certainly is the Light of the World, and will bring a brightness to you. Keep focused on God and when you start feeling down just remember how much you are loved. And when you feel good, that is God's Joy, and rejoice!