photosynthesis' pity party

[photosynthesis]

Hear me out.

I am a little annoyed with Catholics. Not the Catholic Church, with the Catholic faithful. This is just how I feel, not what I think, so I'm not going to guarantee that this will be rational.

I went to CCD, and was raised in a nominally Catholic family. I can't say I was "brought up in the faith." and i never really came to believe until my sophomore year in college, and I did it alone.

A lot of people who convert in adulthood, get welcomed into the Church and meet all kinds of people in their conversion process. I feel really alone sometimes, because I never had sound catechesis, I was never formally welcomed back into the Church through RCIA because technically I had a "catholic upbringing".

I don't mean to throw a pity party, but it's really overwhelming to have no real support AND be in charge of campus ministry at my college after following Christ myself for only two years. I'm still really new at this whole "being Catholic" thing, and I don't have many Catholic friends my age. I feel like no one cares.

To be honest, I'm worn out and frustrated with the Church. I believe what the Church teaches. I love my Catholic faith. I love the Sacraments. I love the Mass. It's the people -- the Catholic faithful -- I'm not sure about. Whatever. I still love being Catholic.

I do hate it though, when I get criticized for the fact that 99% of my friends are non-Catholics. Jesus hung around with tax collectors and sinners. And he wasn't even a sinner!!! He was the Word Incarnate! The Pharisees criticized him about it, and he didn't really care. So that's going to be my attitude too.

One of my friends said "you know you're doing it right when in secular circles, you are seen as too religious, and in religious circles, you are seen as too secular." That's exactly how I feel, all of the time. Most of the time, I feel like a religious fanatic, but in Catholic circles, I'm not Catholic enough, because I *gasp* have non-Christian friends, I never went to Catholic school, I DON'T WATCH EWTN 24/7, and I don't listen to Christian music. I'm turned off by modern Christian pop culture in general, just because it has a tendency to be tasteless and lacking in aesthetic value. But in the secular world, I'm a freak, because I *gasp* believe that abortion is always wrong, women shouldn't be priests, and contraception is evil, and there should be perpetual adoration in every Church.

I really shouldn't be whining. It's fairly easy for me to be Catholic. At least I can go to Mass without worrying about being judged. I definitely don't go there for the fellowship and community. I go for the Eucharist. But it would be nice to have some fellowship and community as well. I'd like to say I don't need it, but I do, and I feel like no one in the Church knows me or appreciates the work I'm doing.

I'm not saying the Catholic Church should start sending my cards every year for my birthday, or give me an official "welcome back" hug (PLEASE don't) but I have friends who converted, and EVERYONE was giving them all kinds of support and advice, not to mention the free stuff. I know a lot of people who converted...it's like...everyone they knew was giving them bibles and catechisms and rosaries and theology books, etc. Where's my free stuff? I didn't even get to keep the books we used in CCD.

It sounds really shallow and selfish, but it seems like i came back to the church and no one really cares.

[Apotheoun]

I think it is important to remember the warning that St. Augustine gave to those who had just received baptism during the feast of the Paschal Mystery:

". . . you are now members of Christ, sons of God . . . [and] brothers of the Only-Begotten! But if He is the Only-Begotten how can you be brothers, unless it is that He is the Only-Begotten by nature, and you have become His brothers by grace. Therefore, because you have been made members of Christ I must warn you; for I fear dangers for you, and not alone from those who are pagans, not alone from the Jews, and not so much from the heretics [i]as from bad Catholics[/i]. Choose from among the people of God those you would imitate. For if you wish to imitate the multitude, you shall then not be among the few who shall enter in by the narrow way." [St. Augustine, Sermon 224, no. 1]

[homeschoolmom]

I can kind of understand. We entered the Church with little fanfare-- no support from friends or family-- in fact no one was happy about it at all! (But we did get the free stuff).

Keep trying to meet people... something will "click"

[Fides_et_Ratio]

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Jul 10 2005, 02:40 AM']I went to CCD, and was raised in a nominally Catholic family.  I can't say I was "brought up in the faith."  and i never really came to believe until my [senior year of HS], and I did it alone.

I was never formally welcomed back into the Church through RCIA because technically I had a "catholic upbringing".

I'm still really new at this whole "being Catholic" thing, and I don't have many Catholic friends my age.  I feel like no one cares. 

To be honest, I'm worn out and frustrated with the Church. I believe what the Church teaches. I love my Catholic faith. I love the Sacraments. I love the Mass. It's the people -- the Catholic faithful -- I'm not sure about.  Whatever. I still love being Catholic.

  I go for the Eucharist.  But it would be nice to have some fellowship and community as well.  I'd like to say I don't need it, but I do, and I feel like no one in the Church knows me or appreciates the work I'm doing.

I'm not saying the Catholic Church should start sending my cards every year for my birthday, or give me an official "welcome back" hug (PLEASE don't) but I have friends who converted, and EVERYONE was giving them all kinds of support and advice, not to mention the free stuff.  I know a lot of people who converted...it's like...everyone they knew was giving them bibles and catechisms and rosaries and theology books, etc.  Where's my free stuff?  I didn't even get to keep the books we used in CCD.

It sounds really shallow and selfish, but it seems like i came back to the church and no one really cares.
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Hi, I could've written all of the above myself. Seriously (only one minor change... the year I came back into the Church).

Everything else. Those words could've been my typing. Exactly.

Other than the grace of communion with the Church (which is LOT.. I'm not downplaying it AT ALL)... being a "re-vert" rather than a convert smells of elderberries. Big time.

[homeschoolmom]

Think of it as eloping rather than having a big wedding. Ultimately, you have the same end result-- in this case the Eucharist.

[journeyman]

ok, I went through RCIA . . . where's the "free" stuff?

seriously, as a convert in a priest-less parish, I often feel as you have stated. There is so much teaching and support that could - should - be going on, not just for people like me, but for the long-time Catholics as well . . . I'm beginning to think that if it is going to happen, I may have to do it . . . and I am so not prepared to take on a teaching role (and so "not competent" in the eyes of the parish).

But, as you, and several others noted, thank God for the grace of the Eucharist

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Jul 10 2005, 02:28 PM']Think of it as eloping rather than having a big wedding. Ultimately, you have the same end result-- in this case the Eucharist.
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yeah, but who wants to elope anyway? Eloping smells of elderberries. Big weddings are where it's at.

I'm glad I'm back in the Church. I'm glad I have the Eucharist...and I know Jesus likes the fact that I'm Catholic now.

But sometimes I don't really feel "one" with the Church or worthy because no one cares.

Edited July 10, 2005 by photosynthesis

[homeschoolmom]

You're thinking too much about yourself. People enter the church in different ways under many different circumstances. The best way to feel appreciated is to do something that the parish can appreciate. Even then you may not get recognized. But that shouldn't be your goal anyway...

To paraprase JFK:

"Ask not what your parish can do for you... Ask what you can do for your parish."

[mariology21]

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Jul 10 2005, 02:40 AM']Hear me out.

I went to CCD, and was raised in a nominally Catholic family.  I can't say I was "brought up in the faith."  and i never really came to believe until my sophomore year in college, and I did it alone.

A lot of people who convert in adulthood, get welcomed into the Church and meet all kinds of people in their conversion process. I feel really alone sometimes, because I never had sound catechesis, I was never formally welcomed back into the Church through RCIA because technically I had a "catholic upbringing".

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I understand what you mean! I was in the same "position". It's been 5 years since I "re-converted" back to the Church and sometimes I feel.....left out I guess. I wasn't brought up in the faith AT ALL. We went to CCD but that's it...no Sunday Mass, no prayers at home etc. So I felt like I had a lot to "catch up" on when I first came back. And I STILL feel like there's sooooo much that I'm still missing.

But like you, because there was no big formal "coming back" except personally with Confession and attending Mass, no one really realized that I CAME back. And now when I talk to people they just assume that I'm familier with everything and then can't belive that I wasn't immersed in this from the beginning.

This is why I'm a big "stickler" at work for this stuff. (I'm the Facilitator of Rel. Ed.) and I try ALL YEAR to tell the parents that they really should be attending Mass, praying at home (at least before meals and before bed) with their children, discussing what is learned at CCD with their children.....why bother sending your kids to CCD when you aren't going to do anything with it at home? But some parents think that that hour and a half CCD is "enough" and don't do anything about it.

I've found in my 2 years at work that many of the parents too had sketchy catechism and THEY don't know....so in a way we have to get to them too. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a circle and can't get out.

This is why I can't wait to have kids...I want them to grow up in a real Catholic family and to LOVE the faith from birth. It's so important to give them that solid basis!!!!

But anyway.....long story short: you're not alone. I'm sure there's many people who have "come back" but because they had all their sacraments at the "right time" weren't really "missed" so no one realized when they came back Home.

We should have a "re-convert" thread or something for all of us like this! We can support each other.

~Jen

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Jul 10 2005, 04:19 PM']You're thinking too much about yourself. People enter the church in different ways under many different circumstances. The best way to feel appreciated is to do something that the parish can appreciate.
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I've never had a parish.

I go to Mass on a college campus with about 10 other people. I'm in charge of the whole group. We have priests that come in from local parishes, and over the summer I've been going to a parish...but I've never gone to the same parish for more than 6 weeks or so. i go from school, to my mom's house, back to school...

I guess I am thinking too much about myself though. That seems to be something I do a lot

Edited July 10, 2005 by photosynthesis

[mariology21]

[quote name='journeyman' date='Jul 10 2005, 01:52 PM']ok, I went through RCIA . . . where's the "free" stuff?

seriously, as a convert in a priest-less parish, I often feel as you have stated.  There is so much teaching and support that could - should - be going on, not just for people like me, but for the long-time Catholics as well  .  .  .  I'm beginning to think that if it is going to happen, I may have to do it . . . and I am so not prepared to take on a teaching role (and so "not competent" in the eyes of the parish).

But, as you, and several others noted, thank God for the grace of the Eucharist
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I agree with you too! (I'm doing a lot of agreeing today!! ) You're right...there is a TON of teaching that should be going on. And many times it's the laity who will have to step up.

Keep praying about taking a teaching role....maybe this is what the Holy Spirit is guiding you to. If He wants you to...He won't let you down! And He won't let you lead those you'll be teaching astray. He'll make you "competent" and "prepared!"

~Jen

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='mariology21' date='Jul 10 2005, 04:22 PM']And now when I talk to people they just assume that I'm familier with everything and then can't belive that I wasn't immersed in this from the beginning.
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I totally agree with your last post. Being a revert is harder than being a convert because you don't get the sound catechesis you get in RCIA. Plus they get all kinds of books and support and advice from Catholics, and a sponsor, and all this stuff. I got confirmed and I got a sponsor (my grandma) but it meant nothing to me because I didn't really believe at the time.

People ask me if I want to get re-baptized or re-confirmed, and I think that's ridiculous. The sacramental grace is still there, and I can't blame the CCD teachers for lack of trying. Technically, i was properly prepared for the sacraments. But I learned one thing at CCD, and another thing at home...and an hour of CCD is nothing compared to the other 167 I spent at home learning nothing about God. I never prayed. Ever. People gave me rosaries for my first communion but no one taught me how to pray it. I prayed by myself once when i was in confirmation classes, but I wasn't even sure I was doing it right. We said grace before meals when my grandma was around, that was it. I agree that religious education begins at home, and parents need to be more involved. When I have kids, they are going to know how to PRAY.

People ask me, "if you never got to go to RCIA, you can still go." But that would be pointless too, because I'd be learning things I already know. I just had to learn it myself, vs. the Steubenville model. But I guess I shouldn't be bothered by that because of my strong disdain for formal education. (I hate school). But it's annoying because reverts are abnormal. We're not normal cradle catholics, and we're not normal converts. we're like...freaks.

[cmotherofpirl]

There really is no reason why you can't go to RCIA.
I went as a sponsor, and I picked up a lot of info that I had missed and I had all the Catholic education. I have reverted twice back to the Church, so I guess I am a double freak.

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Jul 10 2005, 05:01 PM']There really is no reason why you can't go to RCIA.
I went as a sponsor, and I picked up a lot of info that I had missed and I had all the Catholic education. I have reverted twice back to the Church, so I guess I am a double freak.
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Going to RCIA would mean not recieving communion, since they do it after Liturgy of the Word. at least that's how it is at my grandma's parish.

I go to Mass for the Eucharist. so I'd be missing the best part.

i just read the catechism cover to cover. that's my catechism. human contact is nice though.

Edited July 10, 2005 by photosynthesis

[mariology21]

2 years after I re-converted back to the Church....I was my mom's RCIA sponser. I learned A LOT there. It was awesome. And it was cool to be walking with her on her journey.

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Jul 10 2005, 03:44 PM']We're not normal cradle catholics, and we're not normal converts.  we're like...freaks.
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No we're not freaks......I like "nuts for Jesus" better! We're just "special nuts for Jesus!!!"

~Jen

[mariology21]

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Jul 10 2005, 04:09 PM']i just read the catechism cover to cover.  that's my catechism.  human contact is nice though.
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I agree with the human contact. I've been extremely blessed.....I have four really good friends from my home parish who helped me tremendously when I first came back to the Church. They lent me books, taught me informally etc. And now that I've been back for awhile.....we still have great conversations and still learn from each other.

And since I started working at my "work" parish....I've met one of my bestest friends and we are ALWAYS teaching each other various things. I suggest keep on plugging along....and pray to God to place someone in your life who shares the same passion for our faith as you do, someone you can pray with, share things with, learn things from etc. That's what I did at work.....and He blessed me a hundredfold in my friend!!

~Jen

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='mariology21' date='Jul 10 2005, 05:12 PM']2 years after I re-converted back to the Church....I was my mom's RCIA sponser. I learned A LOT there. It was awesome. And it was cool to be walking with her on her journey.
No we're not freaks......I like "nuts for Jesus" better!    We're just "special nuts for Jesus!!!" 

~Jen
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haha..."special nuts for jesus." I actually had to do "special ed CCD" when I was little because I got kicked out of normal CCD. They put me in RCIC which was like CCD for kids with problems. Everyone there had gotten kicked out of normal CCD for being too hyper. All we did was watch these 30-minute animated movies, because they figured our attention spans weren't long enough to listen to real catechesis and we'd be too stupid to understand it anyway. I got absolutely nothing out of CCD. Sometimes I wish my family sent me to Hebrew School instead of CCD because hey, at least I would have gotten to learn a different language! Then I could convert to Catholicism, get lots of free stuff and a cool ceremony, AND I'd know Hebrew. That would have been so awesome. But not God's plan, and God's plan is more awesome.

Confirmation Classes were better, although since elementary school CCD was compressed into 30 minute cartoons, I didn't get a real foundation of faith. Plus I didn't really know who God was, or how to pray. The Confirmation group leaders kept asking questions like "What is God doing in your life?" and "What does your relationship with God mean to you?" They talked about Jesus, as if you could know him and have a relationship with him, which was news to me. I didn't know what this relationship was and so I felt left out. After I got confirmed I left the Church and became a militant lesbian pro-choice NARAL spy who handed out condoms to college students (true story!). then i come back and 2 years later I'm in charge of campus ministry because no one else wants to do it.

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='mariology21' date='Jul 10 2005, 05:14 PM']I agree with the human contact. I've been extremely blessed.....I have four really good friends from my home parish who helped me tremendously when I first came back to the Church. They lent me books, taught me informally etc. And now that I've been back for awhile.....we still have great conversations and still learn from each other.[right][snapback]638562[/snapback][/right]
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It gets so frustrating because I never had that, and I constantly have people asking me for advice and support and information and I feel like I'm giving things I never recieved. Last year I lived in the freshman dorms as a senior and constantly had people coming to my room crying about how their boyfriend dumped them and talking to me about their spiritual problems. Everyone dumps their problems on me, but there's really no one else in my area I can go to for help.... I'm doing a lot of ministry at my school, but I'm not "getting fed," as they say. RCIA is nice, but I already read a lot of books, including the Catechism, and I believe.

People at my college (like the Dean and the Chaplain) recognize what I'm doing, and the chaplain here is really nice. Our priests are awesome and super-orthodox. but i have no catholic friends because baltimore is the worst city ever and i hate it here and in 6 months when i graduate i am SO leaving this place.

I had a few friends that helped me out when I was coming into the Church. They all either became nuns, went to seminary, or moved away.

Edited July 10, 2005 by photosynthesis

[photosynthesis]

when i said this would be a pity party, I wasn't kidding sorry for being so negative.

[mariology21]

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Jul 10 2005, 04:28 PM'] then i come back and 2 years later I'm in charge of campus ministry because no one else wants to do it.
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Looks the Holy Spirit has all kinds of plans for you!!!!

~Jen