when your goin out with someone?

[Racing_Chick]

when you are in a serious relationship how do you handle the topic of past relationships? I really like to know about my boyfriends past girlfriends so I dont feel like we are hiding anything. What do you think?

[ReinnieR]

i'd like to know

[cmotherofpirl]

Usually the topic comes up evertually, but you can ask your friends or mutual acquaintances for info as well.

[jasJis]

I voted a maybe, but almost voted no. Past relationships are an indicator of who that person is, but you don't have to know all the details, etc. If he messed up in a relationship, can't he put the past behind? [u] You only need to know as much as is relevant to who he is now. [/u] It has nothing to do with 'hiding' or keeping 'secrets'. If you think it's 'hiding', then your insecurities are fueling doubt and suspicion and is underming trust. The relationship is between you and him. Not you, him, and all the ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends.

[sweetpea316]

I put yes, just because its something that my guy and I talked about, and I think it was helpful for us to not keep it all in the dark and be wondering. But I guess its all up to the couple...

[lifeteenchick527]

i put maybe... i think it depends on the type of person he (or for a guy she) is. Most of the time you know a lil bit about the person before u go out with them, so u should have a sense of who he is, if hes had "bad relationships" in the past.. i would be a lil more careful, but if u know hes trying to change... help him try to so that he can get back on the right track

God Bless
LTC :hearts:

[franciscanheart]

i said yes. ive almost always talked to guys about their exs (even if we're not dating - weird i know but i really dont date, i dont think im ready). mostly it was their own doing, they wanted me to know. its nice to know what has changed a guy, what has changed how he views dating and marriage and things within the two. if he doesnt want to tell thats his thing but i definitely like to know if he offers.

at the same time though.... sometimes when you offer to listen to a guy talk about his past relationships then he feels comfortable bringing it up all the time and that gets really old really fast.

lets just say it depends lol

[Nicole8223]

I think personal information about someone's past is something very sensitive, and not something to be talked about lightly. My boyfriend and I waited a long time before sharing our pasts with one another. We talked to spiritual directors, separately, and decided what was important to share, and what could wait until later in the relationship. It is imprudent to share too much too soon. Sharing things about our lives created a deeper bond between us, and it was not something easy to do. We both made a lot of mistakes. God has to lead the decision of when to share these things.

[mariology21]

[quote name='Nicole8223' date='Jul 10 2005, 03:03 PM']I think personal information about someone's past is something very sensitive, and not something to be talked about lightly.  My boyfriend and I waited a long time before sharing our pasts with one another.  We talked to spiritual directors, separately, and decided what was important to share, and what could wait until later in the relationship.  It is imprudent to share too much too soon.  Sharing things about our lives created a deeper bond between us, and it was not something easy to do.  We both made a lot of mistakes.  God has to lead the decision of when to share these things.
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I just read a really good book that talked about this. It's called "Christian Courtship in an OverSexed world: A guide for Catholics". Fr. Morrow spoke about how we should if we have a sexually transmitted disease then obviously talk about that. If we've commited sins he suggest we say "I haven't always been chaste in the past." But not get into too many details. He says you should give your "sweatheart" (his word....I loved his book)....a general idea of your past.....sins or not. But there's really no need to get into too many details.

I agree with Nicole....it's imprudent to share too much too soon. Some things are extremely personal....you wouldn't want to share everything and then have this relationship not work you. That could become uncomfortable knowing they know much about you when it didn't "work."

But I also think that if you're in a committed, trusting, lasting relationship (on the way to marriage) then you should share what you feel comfortable with, and if your partener feels comfortable hearing.

I don't think I made too much sense in this post.

I should have just said....."Ditto post above!"

~Jen

[qfnol31]

I don't think it should matter, I think it should be freely shared from the beginning by both people. It actually helps to build trust, believe it or not, and is much better now than later.

[qfnol31]

Let me clarify that statement above ^.

I don't think you should be dating unless:
1) It's for the discernment of marriage
2) You're ready to discern (flows from #1)
3) You're mature
4) You are already friends
5) You know that person at least pretty well
6) You're not just doing it to do it (date that is).

[curtins]

[quote name='qfnol31' date='Jul 10 2005, 05:07 PM']Let me clarify that statement above ^.

I don't think you should be dating unless:
1)  It's for the discernment of marriage
2)  You're ready to discern (flows from #1)
3)  You're mature
4)  You are already friends
5)  You know that person at least pretty well
6)  You're not just doing it to do it (date that is).
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I'd add that you should really love the person too

[mariology21]

[quote name='qfnol31' date='Jul 10 2005, 05:07 PM']Let me clarify that statement above ^.

I don't think you should be dating unless:
1)  It's for the discernment of marriage
2)  You're ready to discern (flows from #1)
3)  You're mature
4)  You are already friends
5)  You know that person at least pretty well
6)  You're not just doing it to do it (date that is).
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[/quote]

I really like this list! Really like it. Thank you!

~Jen

[Socrates]

Personally, I have very little interest in knowing the details of a lady's past relationships unless they have some direct relevence to the present or future. People can make mistakes and learn from them and move forward. I am more interested in her present attitude and beliefs.

It is also difficult to judge from just hearing about something. If there is a problematic pattern, this could be cause for concern though.

I think the most important thing is whether the relationship is truly in the past. I have had an experience in which a girl was dating me, while apparently (it turns out later) still pretending with to her ex-boyfriend and her friends that they were not totally over and she was not dating me. As you can expect, this created a very ugly situation. Also, if someone is always talking about her ex or her past relationships, and cannot let them go, this indicates a problem.

Edited July 11, 2005 by Socrates

[Old_Joe]

Since I don't have a girlfriend, and since my previous relationships weren't very serious and based on observations of others' relationships, I think I would like to know about my girlfriend's past. I would like to know to some extent what her previous relationships were like. It's her basis for the relationship we're having now. However, if there is some detail or event or person that is too painful to remember for her, then I'll just wait until she feels comfortable revealing that to me. I can only hope that when that time comes, God will grant me the strength to bear that yoke with an understanding heart.

[Racing_Chick]

[u] You only need to know as much as is relevant to who he is now. [/u]
but how much would that be?