my mother is gay

[infinitelord1]

Hi, i hope some of you recognize me and what i am going through from the debate table. This may be a little long and i am going to try to fit as much into this as i can because i intend on having my mother read this after somebody replies.

When i was young i was brainwashed, by my grandmother, into believing my mother didnt love me. It seemed so real for a while because i didnt see my mother too much (she worked 3 jobs at one point) and our relationship was never natural. As I got older i developed an anger towards my mother. Some of the things that my grandmother said were true (maybe exagerated) and when i confronted my mother later in life about them she either denied them, focused on the motive of my grandmother, or simply stated she didnt remember. When I turned 13 years old (after recently establishing a relationship with my mother) she confronted me and told me she was a lesbian. I cried and told her i would always love her and i always will. However, there was still a lot of unresolved anger inside of me.......i wasnt getting the full truth of things from my mother since she denied a lot of things and didnt give a very logical explanation. This anger grew inside of me even more when we moved to texas and her life partner came into the picture. I cant say i really liked her life partner after i found out what was going on. Well, I never really confronted my mom about the way she was living her life......i just accepted it and sucked up the anger that was inside of me.

Now I am going to tell you a little about what my mother has been through in her life. When she was a child she had a rough life. Her father and, later, her stepfather were very abusive towards her and the rest of the family. I think this is the main cause of her homosexuality, but we could make a whole debate on that. So anyways, she developed a negative perspective of men, and eventually started to seek out intimacy with females. I feel that it is my obligation to confront her and guide her along the right path. So, recently i have been trying to get through to her that homosexuality is wrong. I am afraid that she see's this as a motive for me to try to split her apart from her life partner. My opinion.......despite the fact that i have never really liked her partner.........i dont see this as a very logical reason to continue the lifestyle that she is living. I feel that the way she was raised by not only her father but also her mother has had an effect on me. You see, her mother, was always more concerned about her own life. She somewhat neglected the children and satisfied her own wants. That is how my mother lives her life..........by her feelings and wants. I believe that because of this way of thinking i was also neglected in some ways. My mother likes to think that i feel that way because of what my grandmother did to me years ago. I am not buying it. I dont see this as very logical in any sense.......given the way she is and the way she was raised. When i try to reach to her about homosexuality it seems as though she isnt interested in anything i have to say. I once asked her why she thought homosexuality was "ok".......its been a month and a half or so now and she still hasnt provided me with an answer. I have given her reasons backed up by some scripture and it doesnt seem to change her mind about it. she told me once that she was a child of god and i think she believes in her mind she can continue to live this lifestyle and god will forgive her in the end. I am not the only one to reach out to her about this........my aunt has given her scripture quotes as well. I think she refuses to except it, and i gaurentee she doesnt have any reason at all to........other than she feels it is ok. She has a very liberal way of thiinking about things and it is quite a task to get her to see anything that goes against how she feels. Frankly, because of this unresolved anger in me, i dont know if i even want to really see her that much anymore..........i will always love her, but i dont want to support the lifestyle she is living.........i remember her life partner told me once that the things we do have an effect on other people. Now that i am not living with her any more i could go see her once in a while, but like i said i dont want to support her lifestyle. I have one good thing to say about all of this........since i have been introducing religion to her she has been going to church.........but she doesnt recieve communion.........she says it is because she hasnt been to confession. That is one logical reason that has come from her.....lol.

So, I have a few questions that would possibly benefit my mother......

Will she make it to heaven if she continues to live this lifestyle?
Is she truly catholic? (what does it take to be catholic?
Am i doing the right thing by continuously having discussions with her about homosexuality being wrong? I feel like she doesnt take it too seriously.
Due to her orientation..........what does she need to do to reach salvation?
What should i be doing to help her?

[Laudate_Dominum]

I hope this helps. God bless you always.

[quote]Will she make it to heaven if she continues to live this lifestyle?[/quote]
That is not a question that anyone on earth can really answer. Based on what we know about sin, all I think we can say is that her situation is grave. She must turn away from sin. Considering some of the insanely sinful people who have had deathbed conversions and things of that sort, I don't think it is a stretch to have hope. We should always have hope. This is always reasonable because God is so merciful. And these are sins of weakness, God knows her true heart. But this lifestyle can only keep her from God. I believe that by growing closer to God and striving for holiness you can bring grace to her. The situation is providential.

[quote]Is she truly catholic? (what does it take to be catholic?)[/quote]
There is a difference between being a baptized Catholic, or a cultural Catholic, and being an active, practicing Catholic (I suppose this is obvious). I would say that she is not entirely non-Catholic, but grave sin keeps us from the sacramental life and the spiritual life which is what being Catholic really is. The fact that she does desire to go to Church and realizes about Confession and the Eucharist is very significant. I would see this as a sign of God calling her to Himself. It is up to her, she will choose when she is ready I suppose. If she has such a liberal worldview it may take a long time, but God can also work wonders of conversion and transformation. Keep praying as much as you can; there are great signs of hope.

[quote]Am i doing the right thing by continuously having discussions with her about homosexuality being wrong? I feel like she doesnt take it too seriously.[/quote] If it is driving a wedge between you or turning her away, perhaps she is not ready to hear it. But if she just takes a casual attitude about it I would see that as good in a way. If she is willing to actually discuss it this means that she is open to something else. The lack of seriousness could be a front. I'm not really sure though. I think if you are being charitable and respectful (she is your mother afterall) it is fine, so long as it is not alienating you from one another. But maybe this is what she needs to hear right now.

[quote]Due to her orientation..........what does she need to do to reach salvation?[/quote] If she is strictly homosexual I suppose within the Church she would be called to live a chaste life which in this case would entail celibacy. There are therapies for homosexuality that are effective in many cases (it depends on the causes), if there are traumas and things that are connected with it, it maybe possible that she could one day overcome homosexuality. She would have to really want this however. Otherwise, if she is bi, she would just have to give up the gay side.

[quote]What should i be doing to help her?[/quote]
The most important thing is certainly prayer and sacrifice. She needs grace, and you are in a unique position in which to intercede on her behalf. Also, trying to become a better Catholic and grow in the spiritual life. The example of your life can say far more than thousands of words. I know this from experience. My conversion was not by arguments but by the example of the saints. I read certain saints writings (like the diary of St. Therese) and I knew that Catholicism was real. And it was the pure simplicity of their lives, not the eloquence of their words that convinced me. A truly Catholic life reflects what we are all created to become; saints. A person can intuit the very meaning of their existence in the witness of a holy life.