That's Clergy life

[cappie]

Two curates were talking, one said "How do you get on with the young women in your parish?"

The other replied, "I seek safety in numbers. How about you?"

The first curate replied, "I take refuge in exodus".

[annabelle87]

that's good

[missionseeker]

Here's another

A preist ,Rabbi and a protestant preacher went fishing. The preist and rabbi were old friends and went to their favorite fishing spot which the preacher had never been to before.
Toward the middle of the day the preist says" I left my lunch in the car and I'm hungry. So he hops out of the boat and walks across the water, gets his lunch and returns the same way. Alittle while later the Rabbi says I left my drinks in the car I'm gonna go get them. So he hops out of the boat walks across the water gets his drinks and returns the same way.
By now the preacher was wondering how they were doing this but he thought he would give it a try anyway. So he says I left some tackle I'm gonna go get it. He hops out of the boat and imediately sinks so he try again. He sinks and tries to walk but can' t so he keeps trying. Then the preist leans over and whispers to the rabbi " you think we ought to tell him where the rocks are?"

Edited September 5, 2005 by missionseeker

[jmjtina]

that's great stuff!!!!!!!!!!!

[FlyLikeABird]

[oakleyswitch]

[RC_]

A priest and a rabbi got into a car accident. They got out of thier vehicles, and after surveying the damage, sat on the curb.

The priest pulls a glass whiskey flask from his coat, and says, "God has smiled upon us. We were uninjured, and this bottle of whiskey miraculasly survived as well!"

He offered the bottle to the Rabbi, who took a pull off of it, then attempted to hand it back to the Priest.

"No thanks," he replied, "I'll just wait 'till the cops get here."

[cappie]

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day. They were sweating profusely by the time they came upon a small lake with a sandy beach. Since it was a secluded spot, they left all their clothes on a big log, ran down the beach to the lake and jumped in the water for a long, refreshing swim. Refreshed, they were halfway back up the beach to the spot they'd left their clothes, when a group of ladies from town came along. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover in the bushes. After the ladies wandered on and the men got dressed again, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."

[Noel's angel]

LOL

[Carrie]

[cappie]

Choir-- A group of people who sing loudly enough to enable the rest of us to lip-sync all hymns.

Recessional hymn-- The final hymn of a Mass ; this hymn is usually the quietest of all hymns because so many parishioners have already left before it is sung.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='RC_' date='Sep 5 2005, 02:23 AM']A priest and a rabbi got into a car accident.  They got out of thier vehicles, and after surveying the damage, sat on the curb.

The priest pulls a glass whiskey flask from his coat, and says, "God has smiled upon us.  We were uninjured, and this bottle of whiskey miraculasly survived as well!"

He offered the bottle to the Rabbi, who took a pull off of it, then attempted to hand it back to the Priest.

"No thanks," he replied, "I'll just wait 'till the cops get here."
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[cappie]

A man made his way quickly through the carriages of a train in Ireland, calling out "I need a priest! Is there a Catholic priest on the train?". There was no reply. He then went back through the train, asking "Is there a rabbi on the train?". Again, no reply. He made his way through a third time, crying out "OK, is there an Anglican clergyman on the train?". Still no answer. Finally a man in in the corner of the carriage timidly raised his hand and said "I am a Presbyterian minister, if that's of any help". The man took one look at him and said "That's no good, we're lookin' for a corkscrew.".

[Lil Red]

[quote name='cappie' date='Sep 6 2005, 04:57 PM']A man made his way quickly through the carriages of a train in Ireland, calling out "I need a priest! Is there a Catholic priest on the train?". There was no reply. He then went back through the train, asking "Is there a rabbi on the train?". Again, no reply. He made his way through a third time, crying out "OK, is there an Anglican clergyman on the train?". Still no answer. Finally a man in in the corner of the carriage timidly raised his hand and said "I am a Presbyterian minister, if that's of any help". The man took one look at him and said "That's no good, we're lookin' for a corkscrew.".
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[cappie]

A rabbi visited the Vatican and during a visit with the pope he asked permission to make a phone call to God. The pope said: "sure." After the call, the rabbi asked: "how much do I owe you?"" the pope sai"d: Ït's about 2,000 liras, but . . . that's ok, you don;t have to pay!"" Some time after that, the pope visited the rabbi in Israel, and he too, asked permission to make a phone call to God. After the call, the pope älso asked: "how much do I owe you?" And the rabbi replied: "nothing . . .this was a local call!"

[cappie]

A young priest with a lot of zeal began his pastoral life as the associate pastor at a parish in the hills of Kentucky.

On the first Sunday, he preached on the evils of smoking. After Mass, some of the parish leaders met him at the door: “We’re a little surprised that you would deal with the subject of smoking because nearly half of the state of Kentucky raises tobacco. You might want to think twice about talking about tobacco in our church." The priest thanked them for enlightening him.

The next Sunday he came back and preached with additional fervor against liquor and its evils. The same group met him at the door after the Holy Mass. They said: “We think we need to tell you that you ought to be careful about preaching against alcoholic beverages, especially since nearly a third of our county distills whiskey.” "I didn’t know that,” the preacher replied. “Thank you for helping me.”

The next Sunday he preached a stirring sermon on gambling, especially on horse races. The same group met him after the Mass: “We think we need to tell you that over half of our county raises thoroughbred racehorses, so you want to be real careful about talking about gambling from the pulpit.”

Being a quick learner, the next Sunday, based on the gospel text of Peter’s attempt to walk on water, the young priest preached against the evils of scuba diving in international waters!

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='cappie' date='Sep 6 2005, 07:57 PM']A man made his way quickly through the carriages of a train in Ireland, calling out "I need a priest! Is there a Catholic priest on the train?". There was no reply. He then went back through the train, asking "Is there a rabbi on the train?". Again, no reply. He made his way through a third time, crying out "OK, is there an Anglican clergyman on the train?". Still no answer. Finally a man in in the corner of the carriage timidly raised his hand and said "I am a Presbyterian minister, if that's of any help". The man took one look at him and said "That's no good, we're lookin' for a corkscrew.".
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heeheehee