Personality and attractiveness

[Sojourner]

Age isn't such a big thing for me, although I've always dated guys within a few years of my own age. My almost hard-and-fast rule now is to not date anyone under the age of 30. There are a lot of reasons for that, but the biggest is maturity. There are exceptions to this rule, but only a blessed few. Other than that, I don't mind a gap in age, as long as both parties can respect one another.

[Tink]

Age really hasn't been a factor for me as I'm 16, but that may change as I grow older.

Every guy I've been attracted to has been older than me.. The guy I've been involved with for the past year is 18, and just went off to college. Older guys appeal to me because a)I'm fairly mature for my age b)older guys aren't as silly, superficial, etc. and several other reasons that I cant really put my finger on.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Tink' date='Sep 23 2005, 03:12 PM']Older guys appeal to me because  a)I'm fairly mature for my age b)older guys aren't as silly, superficial, etc.  and several other reasons that I cant really put my finger on.

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That's all true for me, too, +10 to the age factor.

[matt_in_ohio]

I agree with Sojourner about having respect for each other – if you have that you’re golden. I also agree that girls mature a lot faster than guys, so it is rare that a girl will date someone she is older than. I’ve usually dated girls who were in high school at the same time I was (read: no more than four years difference). But I’ve never had that as a rule per se; just a good guideline.

But last summer I had my horizons broadened by an amazing girl who was ten years younger than me. At first I was reluctant to go out with her because I thought the age difference was too great. But she had a wonderful personality, great faith, was a good cook, and was “easy on the eyes!” Pretty much everything I was looking for. She kept after me, and I was amazed at how much we did have in common. So eventually I gave in. However, her youth and maturity eventually did become an issue, and we’re not dating now. Maybe she was just too young, and maybe it was just her. But it’s something I think about a little more now, as to how important age is or isn’t.

[Carrie]

I prefer men that are a bit older than me as well. Maturity being the biggest issue.

[Sojourner]

I have one really good friend who's six months younger than me who is more mature than some 35 year-old-guys I know. He's the only guy I've met in a long time who's younger than me that I would consider dating.

By same token, I have a 35-year-old friend who's really about 20 in terms of maturity.

Age does play a role, but there's more to it than that.

[sweetpea316]

Indeed. As far as age goes, for me, maturity is the deciding factor.

[matt_in_ohio]

Good points about maturity. I guess it’s been my experience that age and maturity usually track each other pretty well – with a few exceptions of course!

However, I’d like to draw a distinction between [b]acting [/b]immature and actually [b]being [/b]immature. A truly mature person knows when to act silly or be serious.

And silly can be fun

[Sojourner]

[quote name='matt_in_ohio' date='Sep 23 2005, 04:06 PM']Good points about maturity. I guess it’s been my experience that age and maturity usually track each other pretty well – with a few exceptions of course!

However, I’d like to draw a distinction between [b]acting [/b]immature and actually [b]being [/b]immature. A truly mature person knows when to act silly or be serious.

And silly can be fun 
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That is true, and a point well taken.

I suppose what I mean by maturity is twofold. In part, it means, like you said, knowing when certain behaviors are appropriate and when they're not. And in part it has to do with goals in life and how you plan to go about achieving them.

My 28 year old friend wants to marry and have children and settle down. He just broke up with a longtime girlfriend, and he's taking time to deal with the pain of that and heal before he gets into another dating relationship. My 35 year old friend wants the same thing, but he's jumping willy-nilly from relationship to relationship, not reflecting on how the jumping is affecting him OR the women he's dating. Of the two, I much prefer the 28-year-old's approach.

[Noel's angel]

I'm an 'older man' kinda girl too. However, I don't intend to look for older men, they just appear and say to me 'hi, I'm really sweet and lovely' and then I melt like a chocloate bar thats been underneath someones arm for half an hour

[matt_in_ohio]

[quote name='Sojourner' date='Sep 23 2005, 06:12 PM']
I suppose what I mean by maturity is twofold. In part, it means, like you said, knowing when certain behaviors are appropriate and when they're not. And in part it has to do with goals in life and how you plan to go about achieving them.

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Very good point – and I would whole-heartedly agree with you that the 28yo is more mature.

For me, certain aspects of maturity are givens. Someone who is concerned about their finances = mature. Someone who thinks a credit card is free money = immature. Someone who can have a committed relationship with one individual, and know what they are committing themselves to heart and soul = mature. Paris Hilton = immature.

But I’m looking at the more subtle aspects of maturity, especially when I’m looking to find someone who I feel is compatible with me in a relationship sense. A mature person worries about their finances. A slightly less mature person might obsess about them, spending the last nice days of summer trying to balance the remaining $0.02 of their checkbook. An even more mature person knows when to hit that person over the head with a pillow.

I can’t find a really good way to describe it, as it is a very fine line (in my mind), and it’s different for each person. But it is an integral part of their personality. As for me – I only know them when I [b]know [/b]them

[Noel's angel]

[quote name='matt_in_ohio' date='Sep 23 2005, 10:32 PM']
A mature person worries about their finances.
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a mature person doesn't need to worry about their finances

[Anastasia13]

Good looks, bad personality-easy to like until known, then not so cool but not necessarily as much as if found that way at first.

Average looks, good personality-not likely at first, then may have potential if he shows himself to be a good guy.

Not good looking, good personality-eh, let's just be friends at least for now.

[Noel's angel]

People can become more attractive as you get to know them. I know one guy that I have liked who I wouldn't have looked at twice if I had seen him on the street, but once I got to know him, I found his whole being to be very attractive. *sigh*

[matt_in_ohio]

[quote name='Noel's angel' date='Sep 23 2005, 06:34 PM']a mature person doesn't need to worry about their finances
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“Worry” was a poor choice of words. I was trying to contrast them with someone who’s irresponsible. “Pay attention to” might have been a better choice.