sexual sin? mortal?

[Guest julia]

I am a married woman with children ,my husband and I use nfp but not very effectivley. We lack in self control in the fertile times of the month and therefore God has blessed us with more than a few children!!! My husband while happy to use nfp doesn't understand the reasons other than that 'nothing else is allowed'. I am very aware that our communication levels are far below what they should be. I seem unable to communicate to him the meaning and reasons behind the church's teaching. this is not a source of argument for us but simply something that we don't talk about. Basically he does it becuase I say that the way it is, and he loves me and I think on some level accepts it as truth but takes it no further.

Anyway to get to the question at hand. We are now at a point where another child would seem to much. I feel that we have just reasons to avoid pregnancy and therefore we are trying harder to abstain when I am fertile. Trouble is God has designed me to want my husband at this time and for him to desire me also. Last night we (I'm not sure how to ask this without tmi) were 'petting'. Even though I tryed not to. I climaxed but dh didn't. In the past I have insisted he finish the act but this time the need to not get pregnant was stronger and I didn't. I didn't deny dh he chose not to finish.

[Cam42]

Julia,

This is a tough one.

First I think that we should define what a mortal sin is; that way you can know just what you are getting at.

[quote name='CCC 1855'] Mortal sin destroys charity in the heart of man by a grave violation of God's law; it turns man away from God, who is his ultimate end and his beatitude, by preferring an inferior good to him.[/quote]

[quote name='CCC 1856']Mortal sin, by attacking the vital principle within us - that is, charity - necessitates a new initiative of God's mercy and a conversion of heart which is normally accomplished within the setting of the sacrament of reconciliation:

When the will sets itself upon something that is of its nature incompatible with the charity that orients man toward his ultimate end, then the sin is mortal by its very object . . . whether it contradicts the love of God, such as blasphemy or perjury, or the love of neighbor, such as homicide or adultery. . . . But when the sinner's will is set upon something that of its nature involves a disorder, but is not opposed to the love of God and neighbor, such as thoughtless chatter or immoderate laughter and the like, such sins are venial.[/quote]

[quote name='CCC 1857']For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: "Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent."[/quote]

OK, that is what makes a sin mortal. Since you were not super clear on what your intentions were, I will refrain from commenting on you particular situation, plus I don't think that it is my place to pass judgment on you anyhow. What I will do is this, I will give you a couple of scenarios.

In [url="http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html"]Humanae Vitae[/url], Pope Paul recognized conjugal love as eminently human, but rooted in God's love for His people. He saw it as the dynamic element in every marriage, bringing permanence to the marriage and enabling the couple to make wise, generous, and responsible decisions about the spacing of births and the size of their family. Humanae Vitae provides a positive and dignified understanding of sexuality as a gift from God which ennobles, enriches, and reconciles married couples. Through sexual union, couples strengthen their marital relationship and participate in a special way in God's creation of new life. From this follows the profound meaning of a life of intimacy--that communion of two persons who must be open to each other in a mutual self-donation that reaches its apex in the loving union that bears fruit in children.

Spouses are called to celebrate their conjugal love by becoming one flesh in the Lord, and to see their sexual intimacy in the context of God's creative role and the nature of marriage itself. By remaining open to life each time they come together in the conjugal embrace, by preserving "the two meanings of the conjugal act: the unitive meaning and the procreative meaning" (HV 12), married couples reverence the presence of God in their union. In truth, the Church teaches that there are two aspects of marital intercourse--the strengthening of interpersonal unity between the spouses, and the procreation of new life. These two goods are inseparable--not in the sense that both must be achieved in every act of conjugal intimacy, but in the sense that one may not deliberately act against either good in any act of conjugal intimacy.

Responsible parenthood, then, implies a positive openness to life. It is a decision that couples make mutually and prayerfully, confident that God's grace will complement their generosity. Couples should make decisions about spacing births and the size of their families free of coercion or pressure. Taking into account their mutual responsibilities to God, themselves, their family, and the society of which they are a part, in a correct hierarchy of values, a couple may responsibly decide to delay childbearing. Or a husband or wife may conclude that they are unable to have more children. In the formation of their consciences, however, the couple must be well-instructed in and guided "by objective standards . . . that preserve the full sense of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love" ([url="http://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_cons_19651207_gaudium-et-spes_en.html"]Gaudium et Spes[/url] 51).

[quote name='USCCB']As we reflect on the teaching of Humanae Vitae, we recognize the advances in natural family planning [NFP] and the efforts of scientists, pastors, and married couples committed to "instilling conviction and offering practical help to those who wish to live out their parenthood in a truly responsible way" (FC 35). With proper instruction, married couples can readily understand the cycle of fertility and they are able to plan and space births in a way that is both consistent with God's law and supportive of their own intimacy and unity. Natural family planning, as Pope John Paul II reminds us, "involves accepting dialogue, reciprocal respect, shared responsibility and self-control" (FC 32). And as Paul VI noted in Humanae Vitae, its benefits to married couples are many:

It demands continual effort, yet, thanks to its beneficent influence, husband and wife fully develop their personalities, being enriched with spiritual values. Such discipline bestows upon family life fruits of serenity and peace, and facilitates the solution of other problems; it favors attention for one's partner, helps both parties to drive out selfishness, the enemy of true love, and deepens their sense of responsibility. By its means, parents acquire the capacity of having a deeper and more efficacious influence in the education of their offspring (HV 21).
Natural family planning gives couples a richer appreciation of human sexuality and of their own marital relationship, and it strengthens their openness to childbearing.[/quote]

I think that looking at what the USCCB says, what the Church teaches and what our conscience speaks to us, we can see that what impregnates (pun intended) the whole of this is responsibility. Sometimes it is more responsible to abstain from sexual intimacy during those times when it would not normally be natural to do so.

As humans, we have the gift of reason. We can choose to abstain and we can choose to be responsible in the areas of parenting, sexuality, and a myriad of other areas. This separates us from other animals which are based solely on instinct.

I hope that this helps.