A prayer request

[matt_in_ohio]

I have had a horrible month, and before I go completely insane, I want to vent and get a few things off my chest. This may not be the best place to do it, but I am not sure where else to go, and I also have a prayer request I would like to make. So if you can just bear with me, I would greatly appreciate it. I realize that I am not the only one going through a difficult time, and I honestly hope that the people on this forum can find the time to pray for everyone who needs it. I try to make a point of praying for everyone who asks as well.

Two years ago this month my mom was diagnosed with an especially deadly form Uterine Cancer (Uterine Sarcoma). It’s a very rare disease, where less than 5,000 women are diagnosed with it annually, and it usually only affects women who have passed their child-bearing years. There is no known test to detect if you have it; many times the only indication that women get is heavy bleeding during their time of the month, but most women like my mom fall victim to the myth that that’s a normal part of menopause (my mom is in her early 50’s). When they did find out what was wrong, it was too late. They discovered a soccer-ball sized tumor in her abdomen, and it had already spread to her liver. They operated, and removed what they could, but it came back in her liver with a vengeance. Three different types of Chemotherapy treatments did nothing other than to make my mom very sick. It was determined that, for the better of her quality of life, to stop treatments and let nature take its course. She was given six months, and the fact that she is still around two years later has amazed every doctor who worked with her. But she has taken a turn for the worse lately, and right now, things don’t look too good. I am an only child, so the responsibility of taking care of my mom has fallen to my father and I. I have switched jobs to be closer to their home, and moved back in with my parents (while still keeping my house) so that I can better help take care of her. I used to enjoy spending time with her, talking about the “good old days.” But now she just sleeps most of the day, and her labored breathing has become difficult to watch.

There have been other things that have been bothering me lately. My grandmother, while she does do a lot to take care of my mom, has always been in denial about the severity of my mom’s situation. It really hurts my mom’s feelings when her own mother acts like she doesn’t know what’s going on. I have tried to talk to my grandmother, and level with her about what my mom is going through, but it usually ends up in an argument about how I have a “bad attitude” about my mom’s illness. So I just let that slide.

My father snuffers from a bad back, and it has been acting up lately. This means that I have to do more of the work around the house. I don’t mind this, but there are only so many hours in a day, and I have been getting run down taking care of their house and mine. Also, I usually end up being the one to help my father with any of his computer problems. This has caused me a tremendous amount of stress, as my father has little patience with computers.

A girl I had dated last year had recently contacted me again (I wrote about it here). She was someone I really fell for, and thought could have been “the one.” I remember when we were dating, and I said that if we ever broke up, I wasn’t sure that I could continue to be “just friends.” I am not a jealous person, but seeing someone I cared about move on to someone else does bother me. Well, when she contacted me again, she made it sound like she wanted to get back together. As it turns out, what she really wanted to do was introduce me to her new boyfriend. She said she did it just to see the look on my face. I reminded her that MY MOM IS DYING and that I really don’t need someone to do something like this to me right now. I also let her know that she is NEVER to contact me again. I never knew that someone could be so mean.

I also got a summons for jury duty. But I am late filling out the paperwork because I only check my mail once a week. So I guess I am now in trouble with the county, but a lawyer friend of the family told me not to worry about it.

I have also been getting grief from some extended family members who say that I “disappointed” my mom by not settling down earlier, and not giving my mom grandchildren. First of all, my mom has never made such a statement. Second, I have had a few girlfriends, but none that ever worked out long term (see related story above). How they think I am going to find the time and find someone to date now is beyond me. But it has led to the one funny moment this month. My cousin told me about a long distance dedication she heard on Casey Kasem’s top forty show this weekend, from a woman to a man she fell in love with who happens to be in prison. I guess she fell in love with him when they became pen-pals during his incarceration. My cousin said my problem was that I wasn’t behind bars! Who knew you could find women while in prison? I told her I think my real problem is I don’t date women who are nuts! But it gave me a laugh, and that was what I had really needed, so I thank her for that.

Ok, I am done ranting now. Let me say that I am not here looking for sympathy for myself. My mom’s situation is really the only thing that has really been getting me down; the rest is just noise. I can deal with it. But it’s my mom I’m worried about. We were all born and raised Catholic, and I know that I at least pray for her every night. I pray that God’s will be done. If she is to be miraculously cured of this disease, I of course would be happy. But if He is to take her through this disease, I would only hope that it would happen with as little of her suffering as possible. If I were to ask anyone to pray for anything, it would be for my mom, and that God’s will be done for her. I know that everything happens for a reason, and I am willing to accept whatever His plan may be.

Thank you for reading this, and for your time…

Matt.

[theculturewarrior]

You are my special intention for today!

It's not too big for Jesus.

[photosynthesis]

I am so sorry!! watching someone die is so hard... God is faithful though! He will carry you through this. You and your family will be in my prayers.

[morostheos]

Lots of prayers!!

[Thumper]

I will keep your mom in my prayers, but you as well. Thanks for letting us know what is going on for you--I hope being able to get it all off your chest will ease some of the pressure you are dealing with right now.




I will also make a voodoo doll of your old girlfriend, Princess of the Jerk-People.

Edited October 24, 2005 by Thumper

[zabbazooey]

I am so sorry to hear that things are not going well. I'm praying for you, your mother, and your entire family. May God's will be done!

In Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,

Zabbazooey

[Carrie]

Prayers!

[quote]I will also make a voodoo doll of your old girlfriend, Princess of the Jerk-People[/quote]

I'd be glad to help with that. The ex/gf is just mean!

[Lil Red]

i will remember to take you and your mom to adoration with me this week

[philothea]

What a horrible ordeal.

Prayers for you and your mother. Feel free to vent at us anytime! I hope things ease up soon.

[Sojourner]

Wow, what a difficult time for you! My prayers are with you and your family. And I'll join Thumper in spirit as she makes the voodoo doll.

[Christie_M]

Your mother is in my prayers.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Edited October 25, 2005 by Christie_M

[franciscanheart]

i have not watched my mother pass away but i did watch a very good friend of the family (and mother to a good friend of mine) pass away slowly to cancer. i dont know what its like for i have only experienced a fraction of what you are going through. with that in mind however it is readily apparent to me that you too are in need of serious prayers. so... you, your mother, and your whole family will be in my daily prayers. i hope you find rest soon. may the rest of your mothers life, be it days, weeks, months or years, be a peaceful one!

[matt_in_ohio]

First of all, I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the concern you’ve shown for our family. The fact that a community of people I’ve never met, and who are spread throughout the country, have taken a moment (and in many cases even more than a moment) to pray for my mom means a lot to me. It also goes a long way to restoring my faith that most people, at their core, are genuinely good. I don’t want to become a person who believes otherwise.

I am also a person who never wants to leave anything on a bad note – regardless of the situation. So I wanted to tell everyone about one of the positive things that has happened to our family during the past two years. In spite of the fact that we’re probably only 1/32 Italian (our whole family is pretty much your typical American mutts!), my mom had always wanted to travel to Italy. Specifically, to have a gondola ride through Venice. But my parents were afraid to either spend the money, or afraid of flying, etc. There was always some reason why they never traveled anywhere. That is, until my mom was diagnosed with cancer.

I remember her lying in her hospital bed, after her surgery, in October of 2003. She could barely speak above a whisper, and she had a long recovery ahead of her from the abdominal surgery she had been through. My father and I were the first people she saw when she woke up, and it ended up being the two of us who told her the awful news. It was during that conversation that she made several promises to herself. One of which was to finally make it to Italy.

I made this my personal mission. I researched airfares. I talked to travel agents. I looked through one website after another for various tour groups. I gathered as much information as I could in an effort to make this dream of my mom’s happen. I knew that we were shooting for the first or second week of March 2004, since that would be before my mom’s first chemotherapy treatments would begin. We honestly had no idea if she would ever be able to make the trip after that. Since that is at least a month before the regular tourist season begins, my options were limited. I said several prayers during this time, hoping against hope and praying to God that my mom would be able to make it, and that everything would somehow fall into place. I know that it sounds silly to pray for something so extravagant as a trip to Italy. But knowing that it might be one of the last fun things my mom got to do, I did it anyway. I did it for her.

As it turns out, everything did fall into place, and during the second week of March 2004, our family traveled to Italy. I’ve attached to this post a picture I took of my mother and father, taking their long overdue gondola ride through Venice. This is how my mom looked before she started chemo, and before the diseased took her over. Before she lost all of her hair. This is one of the last pictures I have of her looking like the mom I grew up with. This is exactly how I want to remember her – just being happy, and enjoying life.

If there is anything for any of us to learn from this experience, and if my mom is to have a legacy, I would hope that it would be this: That regardless of what you may believe happens when you die, that you don’t forget to live while you’re here! Tell your loved ones that you love them. Take that trip, or do that thing you’ve always wanted to do but might have been putting off for “some other day.” I know it sounds like a cliché, but don’t forget to live! Don’t forget to make some memories. You will cherish them for years to come.

Thanks again,

Matt.

[img]http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a67/mtc_photo/mom1.jpg[/img]

[termitescoming4u!]

You are very caring and sweet to grant ur mum her one wish. Nice of you to put the pic here for us to see. May God bless you and help you through these hard times. It's really difficult to deal with the death of a loved one, and I sure felt the same when my uncle passed away in my house.

[theculturewarrior]

[quote name='matt_in_ohio' date='Oct 24 2005, 11:28 PM']First of all, I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the concern you’ve shown for our family. The fact that a community of people I’ve never met, and who are spread throughout the country, have taken a moment (and in many cases even more than a moment) to pray for my mom means a lot to me. It also goes a long way to restoring my faith that most people, at their core, are genuinely good. I don’t want to become a person who believes otherwise.

[img]http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a67/mtc_photo/mom1.jpg[/img]
[right][snapback]769696[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

We're phamily. The Catholic Church is a big family. On Phatmass, it goes one step higher. We're Phamily! It amazes me what good Phatmass does for Phatmassers, especially regarding prayer requests. I have seen miracles come from this. We are the communion of saints, even on the internet. The enemies of our salvation see this, and tremble in fear. We have triumphed!

[Dudette]

I'll be praying for your whole family especially!!

[franciscanheart]

Matt your mom is beautiful. I know, even after this, she still is. My heart pains for you. Again I just want to say... I'm praying for you. If I could give you a huge hug I would but I can't. Feel it through prayers!

[matt_in_ohio]

I just wanted to thank everyone who read this and prayed for my family. Things have been getting better for us lately :-)

My mom had been very sick at the time that I wrote my original post. Initially, she actually got much worse. She had a bad reaction to some of the new drugs they gave her, and for over a week she would only be awake for a couple of hours each day. She never left the bed, and ate virtually nothing. We were afraid that was going to be the end, and my father and I (while still doing everything we could to help her) started to make “arrangements.”

Then my mom’s visiting nurse finally convinced the “powers that be” to admit her to the hospice center, and after doing an analysis on her blood work they realized the new medications had adversely affected her body chemistry. She was dangerously low on potassium, and her electrolyte levels were way off. So they started feeding her intravenously, and giving her medications to get her electrolytes back into the normal ranges. Within two days she was back, sitting up and eating a roast turkey club sandwich. She still isn’t able to move very much, but she can sit up, eat, and carry on a conversation. This weekend we got everyone (my father and I, my mom’s mom and her sister) to come over and have lunch together. My mom was pleasantly surprised, and touched.

I just wanted to thank everyone again for their prayers in making this happen. There is still no cure, but I am very happy to have my mom back for now :-)

[matt_in_ohio]

Oh and I almost forgot – Thanks to everyone who helped make the voodoo doll of my ex girlfriend. All the conversations I had with her at the time I wrote the post had been through IM; I hadn’t actually seen her. She did try to send me pictures of her and her new boyfriend “together,” but I rejected them. I deleted her e-mails as well. Eventually, not getting the reaction from me that she wanted, she left me alone.

But last week a friend of mine did see her out, and talked to her for a bit. He let me know that she’s gotten “a lot thicker” since last summer when she and I were dating. He let me know that she was out flirting with every guy she found, which is typical for her, but they’re apparently not paying as much attention as they used to. He said you could see the frustration on her face. No word on what may or may not have happened to the new guy.

For what it’s worth, I take no pleasure in this. I am not a vindictive person, and I do not wish ill on anyone. I only post it here for those people who remarked on that part of my original post. In general, I do feel that “what goes around comes around,” and I have seen it happen on more than one occasion. I genuinely hope that those people will, in time, learn from the consequences of their actions.

What it will take for me to find a “nice girl” someday is a much bigger mystery - one that could probably fill up its own thread :-)