My Soul is Shaken

[Brother Adam]

For he who sows from the flesh of the flesh reaps, and he who sows to the Spirit from the Spirit reaps eternal life. - Galatians 6:8

I sat in line for confession completely heartbroken that despite trying so hard I had sinned against God once again. It seemed to be a regular thing - sinning against God. Despite wanting in my whole being to be a Saint, the road to sanctification was a long and treacherous one. I was in despair, I lamented. "Oh God, why yet again have I sinned against you, when my heart cries out for your so often? Are my prayers unanswered?" So it seemed this would be one more time I would sit next to the priest, tell how I had broken God's heart, and all the while simply hoping I could be like the rest of the Father's servants, I would yet be welcomed back as a son.

To my shock this was unlike any other reconciliation I had experienced. I sat down and told my sin, and for a reason I have yet to know why, told the priest of the loss we recently experienced in our life - that our little one had miscarried. The priest had a shocked look on his face. Only a day before he had said a mass on the request of someone at the campus for an "Adam and Teresa and the little one they lost to a miscarriage." Because of the near dozen priests I could have ended up confessing to that night he saw it as no mere coincidence. He helped me realize that despair was Satan's plan for my life. Even in sorrow for sin, losing hope and falling into a joyless life of despair was exactly the path the evil one had planned for me. He told me to, at all costs, avoid such a plot, to find hope and joy, even in the darkest nights. I left rocked, that I got to see in a very real way how God works all things for His glory. Satan tempted, I lost, and yet God was able to use such a thing for an oppertunity to leave me with an invaluble lesson in life.

Glory be to God in the highest! Amen.

[stargirl3:16]

Wow! Don't you love it when that happens!

[phatcatholic]

have you read Dark Night of the Soul?

[jezic]

brother adam that is good to hear. I cannot imagine what it must have been like, but i know the feeling about waiting for Confession.

I hope and pray you two are doing alright.

[Seven77]

praise God!

also read "I Believe in Love" by Fr. deElbee when youre done..

[phatcatholic]

adam, you can read it online here:

[url="http://www.catholicfirst.com/thefaith/catholicclassics/johnofthecross/dark_night/darknight1.cfm"]http://www.catholicfirst.com/thefaith/cath.../darknight1.cfm[/url]

[jasJis]

You and your entire family is in my prayers.

Wonderful news about your reconcilliation with God. It's a great example that shows that Catholics confess to a priest not because a priest has to hear our sins for God to forgive us, but that God, in His wisdom, knows that sometimes we have to have a priest to hear He forgives us. It's our need, not God's.

[corban711]

[quote name='Seven77' date='Oct 31 2005, 08:54 PM']praise God!

also read "I Believe in Love" by Fr. deElbee when youre done..
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that book changed my life forever...it's about as good as they get

[phatcatholic]

[quote name='phatcatholic' date='Oct 31 2005, 08:43 PM']have you read Dark Night of the Soul?
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did u read it adam?

[theculturewarrior]

Today is All Souls' Day. Today we pray for the deceased. In the Liturgy of the Hours, we pray the Office for the Dead. If you are interested, you can find it here: [url="http://www.liturgyhours.org"]http://www.liturgyhours.org[/url].

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='phatcatholic' date='Oct 31 2005, 09:43 PM']have you read Dark Night of the Soul?
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Dark Night of the Soul is not for beginners...I haven't read it and have been instructed to read St. Teresa of Avila first.

Dark Night can be very confusing to one who's not familiar with the context.

Adam, I've gone to Confession and as it is, this is my cross as well...Satan wants me to despair over things. I've found great peace in the practice of staying in the presence of God. Keeping God in mind at all times, knowing He's there with you, and loving instead of fearing. Suddenly, every step, every breath, every heartbeat becomes something you want to do for God, to glorify Him even as simply as offering Him your ability to walk, to breathe, and to live...and suddenly, you're a child at heart.

I'm still working on it myself, once I left seminary, there was so much adjustment that this was hard to keep up and I'd forgotten about it, but I picked up a couple books Travis let me borrow and they've helped immensely.

Despair is not what God wants of us, but the temptation of despair, the constant searching of ourselves, the constant reflection and introspection instead of recollection, the constant casting ourselves down, the doubt and the hurt...if we can be faced with these and learn to overcome them with simple love and by keeping the presence of God, then I think we shall make fine saints in the end, if God so wills it.

Let me know if you want to borrow the same books from Travis, if this sounds right.

[Brother Adam]

wasn't really after advice, or book suggestions, just after sharing a wonderful experience. thanks though.

God Bless.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='Brother Adam' date='Nov 2 2005, 12:33 PM']wasn't really after advice, or book suggestions, just after sharing a wonderful experience. thanks though.

God Bless.
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Sorry.

[prose]

wow...

There is a Mass being said here this month for the families of children lost to misscarriage, still birth, etc...

I will make a point of praying for your family during it if I can go.

[phatcatholic]

[quote name='Brother Adam' date='Nov 2 2005, 11:33 AM']wasn't really after advice, or book suggestions, just after sharing a wonderful experience. thanks though.

God Bless.
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just wondering if u had read it, that's all

[StColette]

*cries*

[Brother Adam]

[quote name='phatcatholic' date='Nov 2 2005, 01:11 PM']just wondering if u had read it, that's all
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No, I haven't.

[franciscanheart]

thats awesome adam.

[zabbazooey]

Very awesome indeed.

[sweetpea316]

Blessed be God!

God bless you and your family Adam...