How bad a mother am I

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Raphael' date='Nov 16 2005, 02:28 PM']Yeah, all dressed up and ready for class at midnight, coming in peace and all...
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[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

I'm 23 I think you did a great job, and if you hear complaints about the cold you should reply with a real simple "Well, did you lift your suffering up for the souls in purgatory?"

Ben

[qfnol31]

I used to ride my bike to Mass (4 to 5 miles away) when it was below freezing.

[Totus Tuus]

[quote name='Cathurian' date='Nov 16 2005, 05:19 PM']

Do you really think she was lying about the clock? I don't know her or how often she lies. But consider, could she have been telling the truth? How likely is it she was telling the truth?


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I don't think Annie thought she was lying at all. The point is, it doesn't matter what time the clock says. If you're still immature enough to need your mom to come wake you up in the morning, you better get up when she comes for you no matter what time it is. Otherwise, you need to make sure you clock is right. I'm not saying the girl was at fault, but she is at fault if she's going to get mad at her mom for making her get to school on her own. A mile and a half is nothing, it's not really even a punishment. It's just being responsible. She'll probably make sure her clock is right from now on.

[jasJis]

[quote name='Cathurian' date='Nov 16 2005, 05:19 PM']I just wanted to bring something up.

If my mom came in to wake me up, and my clock read that she had come in (for example) ten minutes early, I wouldn't get up immediately either. I'd lay there until the clock read the time I usually get up at, get up, and then get ready.

If her clock really and truly was wrong, I don't think it was fair she got punished for that -- she went to bed believing her clock was right, (how often do you check and see if yours is right?) and found out that it wasn't this morning. Very easy to do if it's not far off from the real time.

Do you really think she was lying about the clock? I don't know her or how often she lies. But consider, could she have been telling the truth? How likely is it she was telling the truth?

Honestly, if it had been me in this situation, and I were telling the truth about the clock, I would feel like this:

Like my mother felt either a) I was lying, or b) at fault for the clock -- meaning I had done something wrong either way. And because she thought I had done something wrong, she would not help me get to school, and was punishing me. I wouldn't care much about the bike ride, because if I were alone and the clock had messed up, I would have to take similiar action. It would hurt me that my mother believed I had done something wrong and refused to help me. It would hurt very bad.

If you are reasonably sure she was lying about the clock, I think that was definitely the most appropriate thing to do. But would she lie to you?

I don't mean this as an accusation or a put-down, just my honest thoughts for consideration.
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[/quote]Cath,
But Annie came in twice. It would be reasonable to ask why are you waking me early. I'm sure the response was 'I know mom. I'm getting up'. It's an ongoing problem regardless of the clock.
How often does a clock 'mess up'. How often does a clock mess up if you use it regularly. I ignore my clock if my wife is bugging me to get ready because I don't need to watch the time, I'm using 'wife time'. Annie's daughter was using 'mom time' and becoming annoyed.
Instead of assigning blame and motives, it's an opportunity to build on it. Hopefully Annie's daughter will accept responsibility for getting up in the future and Annie let's her succeed or fail on her own. That's real life.

Oops, another thing. You said if you were alone, you would ride the bike, but otherwise, you consider it a punishment. A parent is not supposed to be there to accept all responsibility, kids grow into assuming self-responsibility. Riding the bike and not expecting Mom to drive is part of it. It's not like at 14 you have to pay rent and buy groceries.

Edited November 17, 2005 by jasJis

[cmotherofpirl]

Make sure she is not drinking pop, or too much coffee or any energy drinks at night, and getting to bed sometime before daylight approaches.
And check her alarm when is not in her room.
Make sure her bike is safe, good brakes etc, and she has warm enough gloves, scarves etc, say a prayer to St Jude, and let the consequences occur. Always keep a supply of hot chocolate and hugs available.
I am still working out making my kids more responsible for their actions.

[annie]

Thanks, all. Her clock is her responsiblity--we have a million clocks all around, and if hers was off by any significant amount, it would have made itself evident. Even so, she learned a lesson to check clocks. She was mad but civil. She realized I loved her but that I would not cover for her. She has a disabled brother (younger) so some of it is 'why does he get help' mixed with 'I am not disabled like HIM" thing. She wants help but doesn't want help, you know? I think it was a good lesson, and as for the gloves and hat--we HAVE Them available, but she is a 14 yr old who values her looks over comfort-- I tell her the temp, suggest attire and let her suffer for vanity if she so chooses...

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='annie' date='Nov 17 2005, 10:59 AM']Thanks, all.  Her clock is her responsiblity--we have a million clocks all around, and if hers was off by any significant amount, it would have made itself evident.  Even so, she learned a lesson to check clocks.  She was mad but civil.  She realized I loved her but that I would not cover for her. She has a disabled brother (younger) so some of it is 'why does he get help' mixed with 'I am not disabled like HIM" thing.  She wants help but doesn't want help, you know?  I think it was a good lesson, and as for the gloves and hat--we HAVE Them available, but she is a 14 yr old who values her looks over comfort--  I tell her the temp, suggest attire and let her suffer for vanity if she so chooses...
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I think you did well. I hope I'll be as good a parent as you or JasJis.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='annie' date='Nov 17 2005, 10:59 AM']Thanks, all.  Her clock is her responsiblity--we have a million clocks all around, and if hers was off by any significant amount, it would have made itself evident.  Even so, she learned a lesson to check clocks.  She was mad but civil.  She realized I loved her but that I would not cover for her. She has a disabled brother (younger) so some of it is 'why does he get help' mixed with 'I am not disabled like HIM" thing.  She wants help but doesn't want help, you know?  I think it was a good lesson, and as for the gloves and hat--we HAVE Them available, but she is a 14 yr old who values her looks over comfort--  I tell her the temp, suggest attire and let her suffer for vanity if she so chooses...
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13 -14 has to be the worst age

[rckllnknny]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Nov 17 2005, 08:17 AM']Make sure she is not drinking pop, or too much coffee or any energy drinks at night, and getting to bed sometime before daylight approaches.
And check her alarm when is not in her room.
Make sure her bike is safe, good brakes etc, and she has warm enough gloves, scarves etc, say a prayer to St Jude, and let the consequences occur. Always keep a supply of hot chocolate and hugs available.
I am still working out making my kids more responsible for their actions.
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LOL.....thas my cmom!

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='rckllnknny' date='Nov 17 2005, 11:40 AM']LOL.....thas my cmom!
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hugs to my cyber-son.

Edited November 17, 2005 by cmotherofpirl

[Lil Red]

you did great annie!

[Proud2BCatholic139]

Oooh, how cute....

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='jasJis' date='Nov 16 2005, 05:14 PM']Just a blip.  I knew she would be mad at you, though she was responsible enough not to abandon the bike.  Consider it as her hoping you'd come get her.  Have hot choclate, cookies, and a pat on the back from her.  Praise her for what she did right.  She took care of business.  Tell her she showed maturity and see if you can come to an agreement that you either don't get her up until she's going to be late, and you only tell her once.  Tell her she's demonstrated the maturity to deal with the consequences (and you are proud of her).  Whether it's riding the bike in the cold, or making up school work if she misses class and what ever else the school does for unexcused absences or tardies.  Don't nag her for sleeping in.  Refuse to discuss it with her if she's just going to blame the clock or you being mean.  Tell her that these things happen and being mature is dealing with it.  Tell her she proven to you that she is right, she's not a baby that needs to be nagged.
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i really hope i can be as good a parent as you someday. you have won my respect in a whole new way with this post.

[annie]

Cyber son!!! I will adopt him, too! (maybe I am too old? Should he be my cyberGRANDMOTHER??????

[Cathurian]

I guess you all are right.

My mom drives me to school (I have an early class that begins before the bus even reaches my house), and somehow I had the idea in my head that Annie usually drove her daughter to school, and refused this time to punish her. Even though that doesn't make any sense :

Yeah, that would be taking special trouble on your part to drive her to school -- I see now.

[annie]

oh my, I would never do that! She normally takes the bus and knows it..

[StatingTheObvious]

I would set all the clocks ahead 30 minutes, and get up like I'm going to work and then watch her freak when I leave.