a couples question

[Socrates]

[quote name='hugheyforlife' date='Dec 20 2005, 08:17 PM']this cant be good
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Sorry - foot in mouth disease there!

(I'm a guy, but I can admit I'm physically past my prime.)
Women can stay attractive long after 25 of course - I was just speaking from a purely physical perspective - and there's a lot more to attractiveness than the purely physical!

My main poin there was simply that there is nothing at all mysterious or weird at all about why a 35-year-old would be attracted to a 22-year-old.

Men will find 22-year-olds attractive throughout their lives. Whether it is appropropriate for them to date or marry 22-year-olds is another question.

That's all.

[scardella]

I think the main concern is not a physical age thing... It's more a maturity issue. If there is a large maturity gap, that's a lot worse than a physical age gap.

So, yes, the evaluation has to be made on a case-by-case basis.

[qfnol31]

[quote name='scardella' date='Dec 20 2005, 10:20 PM']I think the main concern is not a physical age thing... It's more a maturity issue.  If there is a large maturity gap, that's a lot worse than a physical age gap. 

So, yes, the evaluation has to be made on a case-by-case basis.
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This just proves my point.

The guy must be older.

[Colleen]

[quote name='qfnol31' date='Dec 20 2005, 10:25 PM']This just proves my point.

The guy must be older. 
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[Norseman82]

[quote name='Mary-Kathryn' date='Dec 20 2005, 07:01 PM']My first instinct  as a mother would be to ask the following:

Why a 35 year old man, who has established himself professionally and grown by leaps and bounds personally, would date a young 22 year old who has yet to finish college and begin to work....

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When you consider the moral situation of the world today, if the male is an upright Catholic and simply hasn't found an upright Catholic girl in his own age group but has found one in your daughter's, you should be on your knees praising God that a good Catholic male finally got his prayers answered.....

Besides, if he wants a larger family, a 22-year old more than likely will bear him more children than someone who is also 35.

[Guest JeffCR07]

[quote name='Luthien' date='Dec 20 2005, 07:22 PM']Dang...this is my peak....


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oh please, you're gorgeous :

[photosynthesis]

my 44 year old uncle's dating a 24 year old man. it's SO weird because not only is it a homosexual relationship, but the boyfriend is closer in age to me than my uncle... it's making the holiday season really awkward, since no one in my family has a problem with this except for me and my cousins (who all don't like the fact that this guy is in our age group). i guess in the gay community dating guys in their 20's is some kind of status symbol... talk about intrinsically disordered. my grandma just says "well that's just how gay men are"

the really disordered thing is, if I'm 22 and I date a 42 year old man, you'd better believe she'd have a heart attack.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Dec 20 2005, 10:37 PM']

the really disordered thing is, if I'm 22 and I date a 42 year old man, you'd better believe she'd have a heart attack.
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Tell her, "Well, that's just how straight men are"...

[photosynthesis]

lol... i should! if i were ever in that situation.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Socrates' date='Dec 20 2005, 07:13 PM']Women are generally at the peak of their physical attractiveness somewhere between 18 and 25.
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[Proud2BCatholic139]

Personally, I think that is too old. I know my mom would kill me. But, whatever.

[Sojourner]

One of my closest friends, 31, is seriously dating a guy who's 38. In the past, she's dated guys who were older than that, like in their mid-40s, and I can definitely understand the attraction. It's not about looking for a father-figure, it's about looking for someone who's mature and stable, someone who's prepared the weather the tests of a long-term relationship. Life experience can be a very attractive quality.

[Mary-Kathryn]

[quote name='Socrates' date='Dec 20 2005, 08:13 PM']If the man has truly established himself professionally, and is doing well financially, his wife wouldn't necessarily have to work full-time (though this depends on the individual financial situation).
What the woman's professional work experience has to do with anything here is rather beyond me.  And in fact, the more established he is professionally and financially, the better he can afford a wife who doesn't work.
(And I think the modern world considers career and money too all-important in these kinds of things.)
And 22 year old women may be young, but they are hardly children.
Women are generally at the peak of their physical attractiveness somewhere between 18 and 25.
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Women peak in their attractiveness between 18 and 25? Ha! Again this 42 year old woman says again HA! When I had just given birth to one of my sons 12 years ago, my husband said I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. When I was shuffling around in sweats, no make-up and big fuzzy slippers, on Christmas morning; my husband told me I was beautiful. So the 18 to 25 year old may be physically attractive but beauty comes with age. :

All my questions that I posted before are very valid. As a mom, I would demand some answers. How old was she when they started dating? Why is he attracted to such a young woman? Has he ever dated women his age? If no, why not? These are really necessary questions that must and should be answered.


Her life experience is very important in this relationship. It is ill-advised to be in this kind of relationship and rush it, because HE has all the work experience, HE has all the life experiences, HE has seen and done many more things than her by virture of HIS age. If she wants to come into a committed relationship for life, she should be given the opportunity to experience work and life as an adult, without a much older man keeping tabs on her and having the say-so with what she does and doesn't do. She doesn't need another Daddy. She has to learn to be with herself, and know who she is first, before she can give herself to anyone in marriage. In other words, she needs the time to learn about who she is because HE already knows who he is.

As I said before, a discussion with a good and holy priest and a long engagement [no less than 2-3 years] would be my advice.

Edited December 21, 2005 by Mary-Kathryn

[Laudate_Dominum]

[quote name='JeffCR07' date='Dec 20 2005, 10:04 PM']oh please, you're gorgeous  :
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Isn't she?

[Luthien]

[quote name='Norseman82' date='Dec 20 2005, 09:42 PM']When you consider the moral situation of the world today, if the male is an upright Catholic and simply hasn't found an upright Catholic girl in his own age group but has found one in your daughter's, you should be on your knees praising God that a good Catholic male finally got his prayers answered.....

Besides, if he wants a larger family, a 22-year old more than likely will bear him more children than someone who is also 35.
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[Laudate_Dominum]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Dec 21 2005, 07:07 AM']   

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she said "generally".. there are exceptions. :

[Laudate_Dominum]

[quote name='Luthien' date='Dec 21 2005, 08:18 AM']
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gosh, I wish you knew how much you rock my socks.

[Theoketos]

To the original question...

It sounds like a healthy holy relationship...

[Jaime]

[quote]the really disordered thing is, if I'm 22 and I date a 42 year old man, you'd better believe she'd have a heart attack.[/quote]

He probably would as well!!

[Mary-Kathryn]

[quote name='Norseman82' date='Dec 20 2005, 10:42 PM']When you consider the moral situation of the world today, if the male is an upright Catholic and simply hasn't found an upright Catholic girl in his own age group but has found one in your daughter's, you should be on your knees praising God that a good Catholic male finally got his prayers answered. Besides, if he wants a larger family, a 22-year old more than likely will bear him more children than someone who is also 35.


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If I may take your post and offer my view to your statements:

[b]When you consider the moral situation of the world today,] if the male is an upright Catholic and simply hasn't found an upright Catholic girl in his own age group but has found one in your daughter's[/b]

Again, my questions as a mother would be very valid. What attracts him to someone so young? Has he ever dated in his age range? If no why not? I would also be inclined to encourage my daughter to ask questions about his past relationships... and not just his point of view. Why did the relationships fail is an important question?

[b]you should be on your knees praising God that a good Catholic male finally got his prayers answered.[/b]

I would hope and pray that I would raise my daughter NOT to have the perception that she is worth so little she should be grateful every time a man [Catholic or not} pays attention to her. I would care very little about what a 35 year old man wants and prays for. My sole love and concern would be with my daughter.

[b]Besides, if he wants a larger family, a 22-year old more than likely will bear him more children than someone who is also 35.[/b]

The Church gives a right and proper view of the dignity of womanhood and the vocation of marriage. Women are not brood mares here for the pleasure of any man who holds out a ring. What God gives to a couple [concerning the number of children] is what He Wills. There are many couples of all ages unable to have children, some who are given only 2 or 3 children and some that are given the gift of many children. Being young is no guarantee to a large family.

I personally look to The Holy Family as my model to strive after. The Blessed Virgin was a walking prayer of her resounding "Yes.", as well as faithful, strong and trusting--even when suffering at the foot of the cross. Certainly not anyone's doormat! Joseph was enduring and heroic, silent because he did not need flamboyance, faithful and holy in simplicity..he is my dear friend. Jesus....my words are inadequate to discribe Love.

Have a holy Christmas!

Edited December 21, 2005 by Mary-Kathryn