Debating the likes of Budge...

[aalpha1989]

[quote name='DAF' post='1057383' date='Sep 5 2006, 10:06 PM']
Do we dress them up like witches before or after we burn them?
[/quote]

before we burn them but after half of us turn into newts. and get better.

[KnightofChrist]

[quote name='aalpha1989' post='1057380' date='Sep 5 2006, 09:05 PM']
or heretics. then we burn them at the stake. also we weigh the baby and a duck...then burn one of them.
[/quote]


Yeah we're just a bunch of quacks.

[DAF]

[quote name='KnightofChrist' post='1057385' date='Sep 5 2006, 09:08 PM']
Yeah we're just a bunch of quacks.
[/quote]
Hey! This is our theology Mister! I take offense to that!
[quote]before we burn them but after half of us turn into newts. and get better.[/quote]
Don't we build bridges out of them? That's to see if they're really witches, isn't it?

No, I'm mistaken. You can also build bridges out of stone! [i]that's[/i] why we throw the infants into the water! It's called Baptism!

Silly me.

[aalpha1989]

[quote name='DAF' post='1057387' date='Sep 5 2006, 10:10 PM']
Hey! This is our theology Mister! I take offense to that!

Don't we build bridges out of them? That's to see if they're really witches, isn't it?
[/quote]


I have heard that that is a common practice in rural areas of Europe and the United States, but it takes soooo many to build even one bridge that the Church has largely abandoned this practice, especially in light of protests by environmental groups that infant bridges over rivers ruin the mystic beauty given to us by Mother Earth. I mean infant bridges sure are eye-sores! Especially if they turn out to be witches and we have to burn them.

[quote name='DAF' post='1057387' date='Sep 5 2006, 10:14 PM']
Hey! This is our theology Mister! I take offense to that!

Don't we build bridges out of them? That's to see if they're really witches, isn't it?

No, I'm mistaken. You can also build bridges out of stone! [i]that's[/i] why we throw the infants into the water! It's called Baptism!

Silly me.
[/quote]


Oh. You must have learned that from some uber conservative liturgical/sacramental nazi who still thinks that women are inferior to men.

[DAF]

Yeah, I rememberd. That's why we throw them into the water. If they float, they're a witch and we burn them. If they sink and die, they weren't witches and they're baptized all in one shot! Remember?

[quote name='aalpha1989' post='1057392' date='Sep 5 2006, 09:15 PM']
I have heard that that is a common practice in rural areas of Europe and the United States, but it takes soooo many to build even one bridge that the Church has largely abandoned this practice, especially in light of protests by environmental groups that infant bridges over rivers ruin the mystic beauty given to us by Mother Earth. I mean infant bridges sure are eye-sores! Especially if they turn out to be witches and we have to burn them.
Oh. You must have learned that from some uber conservative liturgical/sacramental nazi who still thinks that women are inferior to men.
[/quote]
It says it in my Catholo-nazi Bible!

Edited September 6, 2006 by DAF

[aalpha1989]

[quote name='DAF' post='1057394' date='Sep 5 2006, 10:16 PM']
Yeah, I rememberd. That's why we throw them into the water. If they float, they're a witch and we burn them. If they sink and die, they weren't witches and they're baptized all in one shot! Remember?
It says it in my Catholo-cazi Bible!
[/quote]


goot it, now i understand. I'm so glad that we have the Catholocazi Bible....it sure clears up the stranger teachings of the Church, like why we throw babies in water. And all the weird bread/Mary/pope worshiping stuff....I mean who knew that there were so many gods? Protestants sure are missing out. Why have one God when you can have three! Plus all the saints who have special powers.

Edited September 6, 2006 by aalpha1989

[DAF]

Whoops, Catholics are forbidden to read the Bible. I mean I read it in my Catechism.

EDIT* yeah, did you know that Mary can shoot lightening bolts our of her fists? Like Dragon Ball-Z. Dogma.

Edited September 6, 2006 by DAF

[aalpha1989]

[quote name='DAF' post='1057400' date='Sep 5 2006, 10:22 PM']
Whoops, Catholics are forbidden to read the Bible. I mean I read it in my Catechism.

EDIT* yeah, did you know that Mary can shoot lightening bolts our of her fists? Like Dragon Ball-Z. Dogma.
[/quote]


Wow, really? My Catechism didn't say anything like that. Oh yeah, I forgot, thats cause every couple hundred years we change our doctrine. Mine does mention something about a short guy with curly hair throwing his wedding ring into a volcano. That is where our belief of annulment comes from. If you can prove that you destroyed your wedding ring, then its ok to get divorced.

[DAF]

Yeah, does yours say anything about Orlando Bloom being the Beatific Vision? That's what mine says, but I think they changed it to the Hulk.

[aalpha1989]

[quote name='DAF' post='1057411' date='Sep 5 2006, 10:30 PM']
Yeah, does yours say anything about Orlando Bloom being the Beatific Vision? That's what mine says, but I think they changed it to the Hulk.
[/quote]


No, I don't recall anything like that. But how would I remember anyway, Catholics are well known for their inability to remember anything they read. It must have something to do with the lack of oxygen when we are being tested to see if we are witches. And besides mine is the male version of the Catechism.

[DAF]

Oh, Orlando Bloom wouldn't be in the Woman-Haters Revised Standard Version of the Catechism :

Do you think women should be priests? I think we should keep our ancient rtadition of repressing women because the Pope and Mary said that men are better. Tha'ts in the Bib...Catechism you know.

[aalpha1989]

[quote name='DAF' post='1057425' date='Sep 5 2006, 10:38 PM']
Oh, Orlando Bloom wouldn't be in the Woman-Haters Revised Standard Version of the Catechism :

Do you think women should be priests? I think we should keep our ancient rtadition of repressing women because the Pope and Mary said that men are better. Tha'ts in the Bib...Catechism you know.
[/quote]


Oh, of course. Women should stay home and cook. I guess sitting in the back of the church being silent during Mass would be appropriate. As long as they realize their inferiority and allow men do all the important things. Oh yes my WHRSV Catechism is near and dear to my heart. Oh, I guess women can make quilts to sell if all the profits go to the Church. And as long as they don't sell them in the vestibule of the Church. And as long as they let the credit for the quilting go to men.

And they can make coffee after Mass for men too!

Edited September 6, 2006 by aalpha1989

[DAF]

Yeah, that's a given. And they can't show any skin.

EDIT* After how many years are we obligated to reconquer the Holy Land?

Edited September 6, 2006 by DAF

[aalpha1989]

[quote name='DAF' post='1057435' date='Sep 5 2006, 10:44 PM']
Yeah, that's a given. And they can't show any skin.

EDIT* After how many years are we obligated to reconquer the Holy Land?
[/quote]


Well, I'd say about every 1000-1100 years....so a few more generations and we'll be all set. No direct paths to Jerusalem, either, we have to loot as much of it as possible. Any ancient manuscripts should be taken to the Vatican, locked in the Archives, and placed on the list of forbidden books, alongside the bible. and the money should be used to tear down St. Peter's Basilica and rebuild it.

[DAF]

Every thousand years!? But Catholics just made the Church up a few hundred years ago, a few years before Luther found out what was [i]really[/i] going on.

[aalpha1989]

I know that and you know that, but for the sake of uniformity. I mean we believe in Tradition, dont we? And the first crusades weren't for more than a thousand years after Christ. So we should continue in the murderous footsteps of our forefathers! Don't worry, in the meantime while we wait we can either A: go live in the desert, forsake marriage, and pretend to say smart things, or B: start another Inquisition! That is always good for kicks and giggles....

[DAF]

Yeah, but can we have our idols of saints and popes in the desert? If we can I'm all for it. But if we can't have our idols I don't know...

[KnightofChrist]

But really budge why the silence?

[aalpha1989]

[quote name='DAF' post='1057469' date='Sep 5 2006, 11:00 PM']
Yeah, but can we have our idols of saints and popes in the desert? If we can I'm all for it. But if we can't have our idols I don't know...
[/quote]


Hmm, well....we would have to pretend to be poor, all the while collecting money for "the community"....so we could have the community build the idols! We could even raise enough money for one of those monstrances with bread in it!

We need to think of an industry that the community can enter in order to make money...ooo how about fruitcakes! Or fudge! Or bread!....

[KnightofChrist]

Budge I'm taking your silence as acceptance of my first post on this topic. Unless you can say you disagree...