GodChild Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I have lost my faith ... or more appropriately I have lost my delusional understanding of God as a loving father and friend. I now see ... in truth he is cruel, sadistic and evil. When viewing the devil and God - the two blend and blur one into the other ... as both are the same person. I HATE God, I HATE his will, I HATE anyhing he could ever give me I HATE his priests and religious, I HATE how abusive they are whilst claiming to be holy I HATE his holy people denouncing me as a satanist, I HATE how he has hurt me my entire life through his 'Holy' 'Christian' people I HATE Him .... I do not want to go to Heaven, as I do not want to be near him, or look at him, or put up with him I don't want to got to hell, cause I HATE satan as well - I hate them both, i hate both sides of the same coin I hate being in torment and being told that is His 'HOLY' will for me. I hate his cross, I hate his salavtion ... i don't feel there is enough to go around, particularly in feeding his holy ones The though of heaven makes me sick ... full of His holy pedophiles and murderers Just because someone wheres the habit of a nun or priest that makes them holy? - they are the vilest ppl to walk the face of the earth I feel that in my soul i am raging against God, I hate him - thats as simple as it gets. I dont want to talk to him or commune with him, cause I'm too small for Him. My vocation is to be damned, as someone has to populate hell, so the saints have something to feel good about and someone to feel superior too I am so furious, i have spent the last three weeks physicaly ill WHY r u Catholics so protective of your priests and nuns, depsite them being wicked ppl? Why do you push a victim aside, silencing them by calling them a satanist ... why do you condone? No wait, i know why .... you protect your own. I thought I was one of your own too .... but compared to someone with a habit on, I am noone. You have made me sick in every possible way. Enjoy your day, saing your prays and telling yourself how holy and righteous you are and how lost I am
gurlie4godsd Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 You haven't lost your faith, you're just mad at God. I don't know what caused this anger but it really doesn't matter. The truth is that no matter how mad you are or what you say, God STILL loves you and that will NEVER change. "The though of heaven makes me sick ... full of His holy pedophiles and murderers Just because someone wheres the habit of a nun or priest that makes them holy? - they are the vilest ppl to walk the face of the earth" Just because someone is a nun or priest does NOT make them holy. They are sinners just like the rest of us and they NEED our prayers. The priests involved in the sex abuse scadal make up about half of 1% of priests. The rest are mostly all good priests striving for holiness. I apologize on behalf of whoever called you a satanist. You said yourself that you are not. If that is true, which I'm sure it is, they had no right to call you that. You say you hate both God and Satan....that is not possible. The anger you have, I believe is being misdirected. You have obviously been hurt by the effects of sin. Who is the reason there is sin?...Satan. He is the one you should be mad at, not God. God is not the source of your pain, he is the only one who can heal you of your pain. I pray that you are able to realize this. God wills good for all of us. Satan convinces us to abuse the gift of free will which sadly many people fall into, including the person who hurt you. God did not will you to be hurt but he allowed it for some greater good we might not realize yet. The most important thing for you now is that healing lies with God and he is willing to give it to you whenever you ask...he is just waiting patiently.
Maggyie Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 No one has a vocation to damnation. You are called to be a saint. If God didn't want you to ultimately be happy, He wouldn't have bothered creating you. It would be a waste of His time.
Resurrexi Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 (edited) [mod]uncharitable comment[/mod] Edited July 4, 2007 by Lil Red uncharitable comment
bonoducchi Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Shouldn't we be concerned for this person instead of shell-shocked and asking for its deletion. Aren't we becoming what she is raging against. If God can handle her anger, so can we.
bonoducchi Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 [quote name='StThomasMore' post='1311591' date='Jul 3 2007, 07:53 PM'][mod]uncharitable comment[/mod][/quote] [mod]Personal insult. --Era Might[/mod]
philosophette Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 GodChild has been struggling with these issues for a while now... and I think hers is more a dry of a desperate, despairing soul than of a blasphemous one. And yes, TommyMore, you are very quick to pass judgments on other people. A little more compassion would go a long way.
Didacus Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 You do not hate God, you simply hate the evil and misery you 'believe' is in Him, because you see him with your humans eyes. I was once like you. If you are truly passionate about what you said, I'm not offended, nor digusted nor do I have pity for you. I have some compassion, but you'll pull through. Anyone who has any sort of genuine faith has, at a time or other, been angry towards God, (like almost every son and daughter in the world at a time or other has been angry at their parents). In time you'll be fine. Anyone who speaks of God so passionately cannot be long without Him.
hoosieranna Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 [quote name='StThomasMore' post='1311591' date='Jul 3 2007, 06:53 PM'][mod]uncharitable comment[/mod][/quote] Lay off little one. GodChild, I'm sorry that you are so angry. I'm not very good at being inspiring or insightful. All I can say is that I'm sorry and I can pray for you, if you want. Love is all around. Sometimes it's hard to see, but it doesn't leave.
cmotherofpirl Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Godchild I am deeply sorry you have been hurt by someone, especially if its someone related to the Church. Priests, nuns, and laypeople even if called by God with a vocation can sin or commit evil, just like the rest of us. Almost every adult I know at some point or another has lashed out in anger, hate or fear of God. The loss of a job, death of a parent, the end of an important relationship, abuse or some other evil can trigger great pain in the soul. We are here with you.
gamesfanatic04 Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 You have my prayers, I have been in exactly the same place as you are now. I swear to you, if you open your soul to what happens next you will make the same realisation I did. God Bless and God help.
Starets Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Godchild, God does not hate you and neither do I. No one is called to damnation. Double predestinaltion was rejected as a heresy generations ago. Whoever said that to you was an idiot and needs to be told so to their face. There is an old Latin saying that goes something like "cucullus non monachem faciat", which means "the cowl does not make the monk". It is a recognition that soimply havign the outward trappings and titles of father or monk or nun does not make them above criticism and does not make them automatically holier than the rest of us. To whom much is given, much will be required. God is not mocked. Ezechiel 34 is quite eloquent about what God thinks of priests and religious who use their positions for their own self aggrandizement and abuse the flocks they were entrusted with. jesus himself said something about millstones regarding religious leaders who lead peolpe like you astray and use them for their own pleasure. I will continue to pray for your emptional, physical, and spiritual health.
93 Phillies Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 I would like to talk to you on AIM or something. I have my differences with the Catholic Church as well, but I think your hate for the Church is masquerading as a hate for God. It is not the same thing.
GodChild Posted July 5, 2007 Author Posted July 5, 2007 I feel guilt now ... absolutely racked with guilt as if too ashamed to step outside cause God can see me and I can't hide under a roof I don't know, maybe I am possessed like ppl say ... I feel so much anger at so much injustice ... I feel sick and tired of His love and mercy and want His rage to fall to the earth and kill everyone - I want less mercy and more justice. It makes me sick .... and I reach bursting point and I spew it everywhere ... not in any particular direction, just anywhere and at anything that gets in the way, and God gets in the way cause His everywhere I feel like maybe i should go to confession but then I feel too guilty too and to ashamed ... and angry, cause going to confession is to admit I'm wrong but I know I'm not wrong .... this injustice and the evil ppl do is not OK. Its not ... and I do not accept that all we have to do is turn our cheek and sit silent cause such evil is a 'holy' cross - its not and I KNOW im right
Starets Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Its ok to be angry at injustice. I am not going to hate or condemn you. You have experienced a lot of injustice, and much of it from religious leaders. But, I am thwankful for the mercy of God. It keeps me alive and hopeful. Yes, do go to confession. Yes it is hard and humbling. But it is also necessary and healthy.
Seven77 Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 it can be very frustrating that the world is unjust...you know, as hard as it may be to believe, God hates injustice much more than you do. there is hope that someday--the eternal day--all will be well. in the meantime, we[b] can[/b] do what we can--with God's grace, to stop injustice. when Jesus was slapped, he asked "why did you hit me?"
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