I'm Frustrated

[Sojourner]

[quote name='rachael' post='1372964' date='Aug 28 2007, 08:42 PM']There seems to be such a divided line on how I should handle the whole situation....[/quote]
You are the one who has to decide in the end. You are most familiar with the situation, and you know all the options available to you.

Pray about it, that God would give you discernment and guidance about how to handle it.

And, I suppose, take my words with a grain of salt ... I am the eternal optimist when it comes to people and relationships. My faith tells me that no one is beyond the power of God's grace, and that we are called to live together in harmony as far as it is within our power to do so. Sometimes that means actively pursuing reconciliation, and sometimes, when that's not possible, it means preparing your own heart -- cleaning your side of the street. This is easier to say than it is to do, but I can't, upon reading from Scripture and Tradition, honestly see another way to go about living as a Catholic involved in relationships with people. I haven't done it perfectly, for sure, but I try, and continue to hope and pray in the cases where things have not yet worked out.

[kateri05]

[quote][quote]QUOTE(Socrates @ Aug 28 2007, 08:34 PM) *
Your ex-"boyfriend" is total scum, going by your description. I'd avoid him and his circle of "friends" as much as possible. There is nothing I despise more than a malicious liar.
People like that cannot be "reconciled" with; they have no honor or manliness and seek only to manipulate and use others. They understand only pain and fear.[/quote]

Do you have any good strong male friends? If so, it might be good to ask him to have a little "talk" with that little slime and straighten him out.

Wow.

I wish I could paint such a black and white picture of humanity. It would make life so much easier.

Instead I am left with the command that we are to be reconciled to one another and to pray for healing and peace. Thankfully God does not see as as being defined by our sins alone. He stills sees something worth saving in us. And so we continue to pray for restoration and reconciliation even in the situations that seem most hopeless.[/quote]

not to confuse you more, but i completely agree with with both socrates and terra

my initial reaction is with socrates, guys a scum bag, you're better than that, wouldn't it be nice if someone could teach him a lesson

but then i remember, what terra says which is, that we're called to forgive and move on. really, forgiving only helps you since not doing so leads to lots of longterm bitterness and frustration, and lets face it, is he worth the time and effort?

i will say that there is nothing wrong with defending yourself, and so having to stick up against his lies about you if it goes too far is perfectly appropriate. retaliating by lying about him isn't the right thing, but i dont think you were suggesting do that, so it just goes without saying.

basically boys stink and you have to be the bigger person

[Sojourner]

[quote name='kateri05' post='1372983' date='Aug 28 2007, 08:57 PM']Do you have any good strong male friends? If so, it might be good to ask him to have a little "talk" with that little slime and straighten him out.

Wow.

I wish I could paint such a black and white picture of humanity. It would make life so much easier.

Instead I am left with the command that we are to be reconciled to one another and to pray for healing and peace. Thankfully God does not see as as being defined by our sins alone. He stills sees something worth saving in us. And so we continue to pray for restoration and reconciliation even in the situations that seem most hopeless.

not to confuse you more, but i completely agree with with both socrates and terra

my initial reaction is with socrates, guys a scum bag, you're better than that, wouldn't it be nice if someone could teach him a lesson

but then i remember, what terra says which is, that we're called to forgive and move on. really, forgiving only helps you since not doing so leads to lots of longterm bitterness and frustration, and lets face it, is he worth the time and effort?

i will say that there is nothing wrong with defending yourself, and so having to stick up against his lies about you if it goes too far is perfectly appropriate. retaliating by lying about him isn't the right thing, but i dont think you were suggesting do that, so it just goes without saying.

basically boys stink and you have to be the bigger person [/quote]
A born peacemaker!

[kateri05]

[quote]Sometimes that means actively pursuing reconciliation, and sometimes, when that's not possible, it means preparing your own heart -- cleaning your side of the street.[/quote]

yes! and i think its important to discern which is best in each situation.

and this one sounds like the latter

[kateri05]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1372984' date='Aug 28 2007, 07:58 PM']A born peacemaker! [/quote]

you must not have seen my posts in the breastfeeding and veiling thread

[Sojourner]

[quote name='kateri05' post='1372985' date='Aug 28 2007, 08:58 PM']yes! and i think its important to discern which is best in each situation.

and this one sounds like the latter [/quote]
I would definitely agree with this.

[rachael]

When my friend confronted him about him telling people that she was pregnant, he just told her to let the past be the past and then tried to guilt trip her and make her feel bad and then tell her that he was actually a trustworthy guy. She let him have it for that...

[Socrates]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1372961' date='Aug 28 2007, 08:40 PM']Wow.

I wish I could paint such a black and white picture of humanity. It would make life so much easier.

Instead I am left with the command that we are to be reconciled to one another and to pray for healing and peace. Thankfully God does not see as as being defined by our sins alone. He stills sees something worth saving in us. And so we continue to pray for restoration and reconciliation even in the situations that seem most hopeless.[/quote]
We don't have to be "reconciled" with other people in the sense of being nice and buddy-buddy. True reconciliation can only occur if this person is sincerely ready to change and right the wrong he has done best as he can. As long as he remains maliciously-inclined, ther cannot be real reconciliation.
It sounds like this person is dishonest, and of exceedingly low character, so it is probably best to avoid him.
If he cannot be avoided, he should be dealt with straight-up, and harshly if necessary - he should not be allowed to get away with destroying the reputation of others through lies

I've personally dealt with people of this type in the past, who have made my life a hell - thus my rage and contempt. They cannot be trusted, and see other people only as objects to be manipulated for their own purposes. Often they are quite skilled at their lies and manipulation. Thus trying to reconcile and "make-up" can end up being dangerous and lead to more of a mess (particularly if there was past romantic-emotional involvement). Any continued "friendship" with such types is best avoided.

Pray for his conversion - sure, but don't try to make nice or rekindle a "friendship."

[rachael]

In all honesty, I don't want to ever reconcile any type of relationship with him, whether it be just talking again, or as friends. I just want all of this nonsense to stop.

[Sojourner]

sheesh.

I never advocated that she be buddy buddy with him, but rather that she deal with her own issues first. And that she not simply throw him away as worthless. He's still a human being made in the image and likeness of God. Writing people off is the easy way out. We're called to treat each other with respect and dignity. While this dude is unwilling to engage in relationship at this point, he's still a human being and should be treated with respect.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='rachael' post='1373004' date='Aug 28 2007, 09:07 PM']In all honesty, I don't want to ever reconcile any type of relationship with him, whether it be just talking again, or as friends. I just want all of this nonsense to stop.[/quote]
No I'm sure you don't want to. He's hurt you really badly, and he's obviously not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. That's why I'd recommend working on dealing with your own fallout from this at the moment rather than on trying to vindicate yourself with him.

[rachael]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1373018' date='Aug 28 2007, 10:10 PM']No I'm sure you don't want to. He's hurt you really badly, and he's obviously not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. That's why I'd recommend working on dealing with your own fallout from this at the moment rather than on trying to vindicate yourself with him.[/quote]
[i]Actually,[/i] I think he's really mad at me. The reason is this: when we broke up he insisted upon being friends with me (he had done this with his other gfs), but I flat out said NO because I figured....why would I want a friend who lies to me so much, has cheated on me, treats me like mushy mud pie, etc? Well, he kept on pursuing the friendship over the summer in a slightly stalker-ish way that had begun to really [b]freak me out[/b], and I ignored him. This was until one day when he tried to IM me and I just restated what I had said in the beginning (in a more forceful manner): No, I don't want to be friends with you, especially after what you have done to me. Please leave me alone.

Well, he was nice to me before then. After then...not so much.

Edited August 29, 2007 by rachael

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='rachael' post='1372216' date='Aug 28 2007, 12:02 AM']get me a ticket![/quote]
if it weren't almost $300.00.. and i weren't moving out of my parents home to be a poor 20-something.. i totally would. too bad.

[Anomaly]

[quote name='rachael' post='1372897' date='Aug 28 2007, 09:58 PM']That's where you've got me. I'm not a person who can just sit and watch and let things happen. I feel [i]obligated[/i] to make things right again.[/quote]That's how my eldest daughter is too. It's tough. I don't agree, but I understand.

So what size bruise does he require?

[Sojourner]

[quote name='rachael' post='1373028' date='Aug 28 2007, 09:16 PM'][i]Actually,[/i] I think he's really mad at me. The reason is this: when we broke up he insisted upon being friends with me (he had done this with his other gfs), but I flat out said NO because I figured....why would I want a friend who lies to me so much, has cheated on me, treats me like mushy mud pie, etc? Well, he kept on pursuing the friendship over the summer in a slightly stalkerish way that had begun to really [b]freak me out[/b], and I ignored him. This was until one day when he tried to IM me and I just restated what I had said in the beginning (in a more forceful manner): No, I don't want to be friends with you, especially after what you have done to me. Please leave me alone.

Well, he was nice to me before then. After then...not so much.[/quote]
Take out a restraining order.