rachael Posted September 3, 2007 Author Share Posted September 3, 2007 I am sad to report that this has also begun to affect one of my best friendships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 [quote name='rachael' post='1376872' date='Sep 3 2007, 09:20 AM']I am sad to report that this has also begun to affect one of my best friendships. [/quote] That smells of elderberries. I hate it when friendships go awry because of one bad apple. You hope that everyone involved will be more mature than that, but this is not always the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachael Posted September 3, 2007 Author Share Posted September 3, 2007 (edited) I know! My ex is such a jerk. I am so ready to give up at this point, but I don't want to lose my best friend. Edited September 3, 2007 by rachael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 [quote name='rachael' post='1376887' date='Sep 3 2007, 09:40 AM']I know! My ex is such a jerk. I am so ready to give up at this point, but I don't want to lose my best friend. [/quote] Keep working on dealing with your own stuff, and try not to be too discouraged by other people's carp. I really struggle with dealing with anger in similar situations ... I will think I've dealt with it, then the other person will do something to bring it all back up so I have to deal with it again. You can't control other people's actions, even your bff, but you can keep availing yourself of God's graces. That's where you need to keep turning and looking for hope when things look bleak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XIX Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 [quote name='rachael' post='1372991' date='Aug 28 2007, 11:02 PM']When my friend confronted him about him telling people that she was pregnant, he just told her to let the past be the past and then tried to guilt trip her and make her feel bad and then tell her that he was actually a trustworthy guy. She let him have it for that...[/quote] First things first. Have a nice sit down conversation with your friend (the one whom he is affecting). Tell her exactly what is going on, one-to-one. Try to get everything out into the open. If you do this, she will probably realize that he is just being a jerk. And she'll probably realize that most of what he says is so false that is does not deserve to be taken seriously. You need to get a group of friends to confront him. At least the ones who think he's a creep. Get at least one guy in that group if you can. The more, the better. This is beyond the point where you can "just ignore him." He's not trying to get a small rise out of you. He isn't calling you names. He is trying to hurt you badly. It would be no more illogical to try to ignore someone who is physically attacking you. Be blunt. Tell him to just stop hanging out with your friends. Period. Make it very clear that none of you want anything to do with him anymore. Err on the side of being too harsh. If you end up being unfair to your ex, well that's just tough noogies on him. Your friendships have to take priority over him at this point. If/when he keeps stalking you, get a restraining order. Don't think about getting one. Just do it. Come to think of it, you might want to do that right now. And forget all that other stuff I told you. He's stalking you. You should be able to get a restraining order, and there really is no downside to getting one. That's my two cents. But the most important thing is that you know the situation better than I do. If I sound like I don't know what I am talking about, feel free to override me. Or anyone else on this board. Just don't be afraid to put your foot down, or ask others to do it for you. This is no time to be nice. In the unlikely event that your boyfriend has any intention of becoming your friend, you still have to prioritize the friendships you already have. If he becomes a great guy later on in life, great. For the sake of forgiveness, you should never rule out that possibility. But for the sake of dealing with the current situation, you should assume he will be a creep forever. In other words. don't judge him. But protect yourself and your friends with any means necesary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prose Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 [quote name='dUSt' post='1372139' date='Aug 27 2007, 10:56 PM']Talk to his parents. He's obviously still a child so they'd know how to best handle him.[/quote] [quote name='dUSt' post='1372149' date='Aug 27 2007, 11:01 PM']Write an honest and comprehensive letter.[/quote] Seriously, I know how awful it is. I have been in even worse (if you can believe it). Best advice. Ignore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XIX Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 See, I don't know if she is really capable of ignoring this kind of stuff. Ignoring him isn't going to keep him from saying horrible things to her best friend. Like I said, it's impossible to ignore some things. I mean, if she can then that's great, and it's probably the best advice. But how do you ignore something like this? I could be wrong. I don't know a lot about this particular situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachael Posted September 3, 2007 Author Share Posted September 3, 2007 [quote name='XIX' post='1376911' date='Sep 3 2007, 11:41 AM']You need to get a group of friends to confront him. At least the ones who think he's a creep. Get at least one guy in that group if you can. The more, the better. This is beyond the point where you can "just ignore him." He's not trying to get a small rise out of you. He isn't calling you names. He is trying to hurt you badly. It would be no more illogical to try to ignore someone who is physically attacking you.[/quote] I'd LOVE to be able to have the option if I didn't have the group of least confrontational friends ever. I'm the only who is....I'm quite known for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 [quote name='rachael' post='1376937' date='Sep 3 2007, 11:05 AM']I'd LOVE to be able to have the option if I didn't have the group of least confrontational friends ever. I'm the only who is....I'm quite known for it. [/quote] Really? [i]You [/i]are confrontational? Shocker, that one ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachael Posted September 4, 2007 Author Share Posted September 4, 2007 (edited) Edited September 4, 2007 by rachael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachael Posted September 4, 2007 Author Share Posted September 4, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachael Posted September 4, 2007 Author Share Posted September 4, 2007 I was at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago and I saw a guy buying a dozen roses for his girlfriend. Instead of being all happy for him, I got really bitter and angry and then really sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iggyjoan Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 [quote name='rachael' post='1377476' date='Sep 3 2007, 10:21 PM']I was at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago and I saw a guy buying a dozen roses for his girlfriend. Instead of being all happy for him, I got really bitter and angry and then really sad. [/quote] don't be. you're much better than that loser guy who used to be ur BF. you don't need him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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