A Friend In Need

[vbbabespx]

My friend was raped. She doesn't want to tell hte authorities. She talked with her counselor but should I tell someone? I Don't know what to do because I don't want to betray her but I can't let this guy get away with it.

[Resurrexi]

call the police. duh. it doesn't matter if she doesn't want to tell them.

[CatholicCid]

Maybe go talk to her counselor alone. Of course, she can't disclose anything, but you can bring up your concerns and possibly figure out how to help her to come forward to the proper authorities.

Edited November 27, 2007 by CatholicCid

[vbbabespx]

She won't tell me the guys full name though. This is so frustrating.

thanks for responding so fast.

God Bless you

[alicemary]

No, I really dont think you should go to the police yourself. She needs a friend, and that you need to be to her. If she has already seen a counselor, they will know what to do. I do not think it is your place. The counselor should have taken her to the emergency rooom to be examined(sorry to be so technical, but rape is not always easy to prove if the evidence is no longer present). This is a serious matter, and she needs her parents to be involved also. My prayers for this girl and for you to be given the insight to be a good friend. Do not under any circumstances go near this man or try to intervene that way, this could jeopordize you

[missionseeker]

AS someone who has been through something similar (I was not raped, though), she has to tell. If her counselor is telling her NOT to, she should get another.

Not telling does not deal with it. It does not make it go away. It makes it worse. I didn't tell anyone for over 5 years. When I finally did, yeah, it was HARD. I've never done anything harder. But it would have been still harder to continue not to tell. Plus, if he raped one person, what's going to stop him from raping another? If she can't do it for herself, perhaps she can do it for others.

but [b]there is no closure if you don't tell[/b]. none.

as much as it hurts and as dreadfully uncomfortable as it is, it has to be done.


I don't know what you can do. I think really that your friend has to do any doing there is to be done. You just need to be there for her. And try to convince her to tell. If you need to PM me, feel free to!!!!

I will pray for your friend.

There is a book by Jan Morrison

A Safe Place: Beyond Sexual Abuse

Perhaps you can find that for her.



Prayers, and if you need to DO FEEL FREE to send me a PM.

[prose]

The counselor is taking care of the legal stuff with her. She will help her step forward if that is what is needed. Your job is to be a friend. LISTEN to her. Be there if she wants support to do that. If not, respect her decision. She has been disrespected enough.

[Lena]

Help her out as much as you can. Many rape survivors feel like it's their fault, that they could have somehow prevented it, and they are ashamed to go to authorities. Let her know that going to the police is necessary, though I really do think it has to be something she has to do--- calling the police for her could make her feel even more isolated, like she did something "wrong." As understandable as it is that you want to help your friend, talking to her is the best possible advice I can give, before you do anything.

[vbbabespx]

I tried telling her that I will always be here for her. SHe thinks it's her fault.

This happened on Saturday, will it be too late to be tested still? I don't think her counselor told her anything because she said she was in there for two hours, but they just talked - nothing really about what happened, though.

[missionseeker]

here is website for YOU

[url="http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/Abuse/lisk/family_friends.htm"]http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/Ab...ily_friends.htm[/url]

hope it helps.

[Old_Joe]

First of all, be there for her. Make sure she doesn't feel alone and feels loved. Also, try to encourage her to come forward and tell the authorities. If she absolutely won't budge, you may have to go to the authorities for her.

Edited November 28, 2007 by Old_Joe

[missionseeker]

my gut instinct is that you should try and convince her to find another counselor.

[Lena]

[quote name='vbbabespx' post='1425877' date='Nov 27 2007, 07:04 PM']I tried telling her that I will always be here for her. SHe thinks it's her fault.

This happened on Saturday, will it be too late to be tested still? I don't think her counselor told her anything because she said she was in there for two hours, but they just talked - nothing really about what happened, though.[/quote]

If she would have gone to the ER, they would have done a rape kit. sperm can only last up to 4 days I believe, and evidence is lost after the first shower. She should be tested for STDs though. The police would have been called if she had gone to the ER, so maybe thats why she did not go. Prayers for her! Let her come to terms with it in her own time. Just continue to be a good friend.

[vbbabespx]

Thank you a lot. Missionseeker, thank you so much. What did you do when whatever happened to you happened??

[missionseeker]

Well, mine is slightly different (a lot of the psychological carp that goes with it is the same, though).

I started to write a long reply, but I will PM you, ok?

[cathoholic_anonymous]

I will pray for this poor girl. Others have already given excellent advice. Based on my experience with girls who were sexually abused, I have only one more thing to add: don't keep repeating, "It wasn't your fault" when she says that she feels guilty for being raped. That won't change how she feels. It may even drive her deeper into herself. Acknowledge the validity of her emotion first, by saying, "I know that's how it feels, and the feeling is what hurts, but is that really how it is?" Then try to gently build her up.

Beyond this, don't take on any extra responsibility - she has her counsellor for that. You can't save her. This is a very painful process that she is going to have to work through herself. All you can do is pray and be a good friend.

[quote name='StThomasMore' post='1425867' date='Nov 28 2007, 12:48 AM']call the police. duh. it doesn't matter if she doesn't want to tell them.[/quote]


[quote name='prose' post='1425874' date='Nov 28 2007, 01:01 AM']The counselor is taking care of the legal stuff with her. She will help her step forward if that is what is needed. Your job is to be a friend. LISTEN to her. Be there if she wants support to do that. If not, respect her decision. She has been disrespected enough.[/quote]

Amen prose.

Tyler, reporting a rape is not the same as reporting a burglary. If the woman is forced to talk before she is ready, it can cause considerable psychological distress - to the point of suicide. I know this because of my friendship with a young girl who became mentally ill as a result of repeated sexual abuse. Her first hospital didn't tell the police, realising that this wouldn't be in her best interests. When she was transferred to a second hospital (her funding for the first one had run out) the first thing the doctors did, on reading her case notes, was to get the police involved.

She took a massive overdose the day after the police interview, so she must have been secretly storing up medication for just such an event. She nearly died. So never, ever push a rape victim to do something she is not ready for.

[iggyjoan]

But if no one stops the guy, what's to stop him from doing it again?

[Autumn Dusk]

[quote name='iggyjoan' post='1425899' date='Nov 27 2007, 08:24 PM']But if no one stops the guy, what's to stop him from doing it again?[/quote]


The victim NEVER has a duty to the assailant or is responsible for their attackers future actions. Victims do not have duties to protect the rest of the world.

[vbbabespx]

Thank You. I am definately going to use this!

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1425895' date='Nov 27 2007, 06:19 PM']I will pray for this poor girl. Others have already given excellent advice. Based on my experience with girls who were sexually abused, I have only one more thing to add: don't keep repeating, "It wasn't your fault" when she says that she feels guilty for being raped. That won't change how she feels. It may even drive her deeper into herself. Acknowledge the validity of her emotion first, by saying, "I know that's how it feels, and the feeling is what hurts, but is that really how it is?" Then try to gently build her up.

Beyond this, don't take on any extra responsibility - she has her counsellor for that. You can't save her. This is a very painful process that she is going to have to work through herself. All you can do is pray and be a good friend.
Amen prose.

Tyler, reporting a rape is not the same as reporting a burglary. If the woman is forced to talk before she is ready, it can cause considerable psychological distress - to the point of suicide. I know this because of my friendship with a young girl who became mentally ill as a result of repeated sexual abuse. Her first hospital didn't tell the police, realising that this wouldn't be in her best interests. When she was transferred to a second hospital (her funding for the first one had run out) the first thing the doctors did, on reading her case notes, was to get the police involved.

She took a massive overdose the day after the police interview, so she must have been secretly storing up medication for just such an event. She nearly died. So never, ever push a rape victim to do something she is not ready for.[/quote]

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Autumn Dusk' post='1425918' date='Nov 27 2007, 08:00 PM']The victim NEVER has a duty to the assailant or is responsible for their attackers future actions. Victims do not have duties to protect the rest of the world.[/quote]

What if that next victim is [i]you[/i]????

Edited November 28, 2007 by Norseman82