At What Point?

[philothea0806]

I guess I am trying to figure out at what point does a person give up on the possiblity of having a religous vocation?
There is nothing physically, emotionally or pyschological wrong with a person, they just can not find the right community.

The person still feels a strong pull/call to religious life but the Lord is not revealing where.

Isn't there a point where the door must be closed? One can not stay in perpetual discernment forever?

Comments anyone?

[Benedicite07]

Until what point? Until my last, dying breath. At least then I know I will be accepted -- in that great Monastery in the sky!!!



Don't give up!!!

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

[quote name='philothea0806' post='1462364' date='Feb 14 2008, 02:44 PM']I guess I am trying to figure out at what point does a person give up on the possiblity of having a religous vocation?
There is nothing physically, emotionally or pyschological wrong with a person, they just can not find the right community.

The person still feels a strong pull/call to religious life but the Lord is not revealing where.

Isn't there a point where the door must be closed? One can not stay in perpetual discernment forever?

Comments anyone?[/quote]


It's not a matter of "giving up". However, I think she/he needs to step back and spend a period of time for prayer. My advice in vocation discernment is first of all to ask the Lord to purify your desires so that you know what YOU really want. Second, to live in the mystery of Mary's FIAT and to ask the Holy Spirit for the gift of Counsel and Wisdom. In God's time the person will know where she/he is being called.

I have known persons who passionately desired religious life and had a strong pull but with help and prayer found that what their true vocation was was marriage. I have known others who couldn't imagine cloistered life and that is where she was called and I have known a nun who lived 32 years as a cloistered nun but her real vocation was in the active life. She has been marvelously happy for about 12 years.

PRAY and honestly look at one's desires. Perhaps the community she/he is being called to is right under her/his nose, so to speak but can't see it because not clear on what she/he is truly desiring.

SMC

[CatherineM]

I finally gave up at the age of 43 when I fell in love. Until then I was sure at some point I would go in.

[Saint Therese]

Its an interesting question. On one hand, if one is not suited for religious life or the priesthood it would not be wise to continue in that direction. On the other hand, there is sometimes much difficulty before entering even for those that have become great saints such as St. John Vianney, St. Rita, St. Therese etc.
If they had not persevered, how would things be different!

Edited February 14, 2008 by Saint Therese

[Stacey]

I searched for 13 years and tested my vocation in several places, each time i left i would begin a 'normal' life again - job, home, friends, fun etc but the niggle wouldn't go away - and i was tired of it all i really wanted it to - so i carried on and found my place here at Colwich where i am very happy and hope this is it.
A point though is that on the way I changed - i think i did have ideals of the 'pefect' community and an inner list though i certainly wasn't aware of it at the time; i think i was sometimes drawn to externals too; i think i am settled here because i finally managed to let go of at least part of the inner list - there is no perfect place that will fulfill everything, instead we have to just accept and adapt to it and let God do the rest. I came to visit here with little knowledge, and even less expectations ( inside i really had given up ) i had prayed to Our Lady of Perpetual Succour that if i had a vocation a door would open so clearly that i couldn't mistake it, this happened which took my breath away, i then took a risk and came - and on the externals i wouldn't have chosen to... I'm not sure how much sense this is making but there it is, and now i am blessed to be in this habit that grows more precious to me each day, God bless you in your searching, sr marie-therese.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Stacey' post='1463139' date='Feb 15 2008, 02:09 AM']I searched for 13 years and tested my vocation in several places, each time i left i would begin a 'normal' life again - job, home, friends, fun etc but the niggle wouldn't go away - and i was tired of it all i really wanted it to - so i carried on and found my place here at Colwich where i am very happy and hope this is it.
A point though is that on the way I changed - i think i did have ideals of the 'pefect' community and an inner list though i certainly wasn't aware of it at the time; i think i was sometimes drawn to externals too; i think i am settled here because i finally managed to let go of at least part of the inner list - there is no perfect place that will fulfill everything, instead we have to just accept and adapt to it and let God do the rest. I came to visit here with little knowledge, and even less expectations ( inside i really had given up ) i had prayed to Our Lady of Perpetual Succour that if i had a vocation a door would open so clearly that i couldn't mistake it, this happened which took my breath away, i then took a risk and came - and on the externals i wouldn't have chosen to... I'm not sure how much sense this is making but there it is, and now i am blessed to be in this habit that grows more precious to me each day, God bless you in your searching, sr marie-therese.[/quote]
Ah dearie that is the key, you gave up and let God take over.

[gabrielp]

Hey,

I think discernment is for life, so don't worry about when to stop discerning. But at the same time, I think we sometimes ought to relax on the whole discernment thing you know. Just relax, get on with life, keep on praying and trusting in God, and He will show you the way when it's time. Don't worry so much about where you're going, just try to live each day as a saint, whatever situation in life you are in! Discernment will come naturally out of having a close relationship with God.

God bless,
Gabriel

[fides quarens intellectum]

it sounds like you're a little frustrated, and if you are, that's where i am at. My spiritual director reminded me that it was many, many years between St. Ignatius of Loyola's conversion and the founding of the Society of Jesus. Words i don't want to hear, but the point being that it has to be God's timeline, not our own.

[Gemma]

[quote name='fides quarens intellectum' post='1465151' date='Feb 18 2008, 02:01 PM']it sounds like you're a little frustrated, and if you are, that's where i am at. My spiritual director reminded me that it was many, many years between St. Ignatius of Loyola's conversion and the founding of the Society of Jesus. Words i don't want to hear, but the point being that it has to be God's timeline, not our own.[/quote]

"I GOT" = In God's Own Time

Blessings,
Gemma

[VeniteAdoremus]

Let's just keep it at "I [i]so[/i] know how this person feels".

[Guest Perpetualove]

Be gentle with yourself and believe - with your whole heart and soul - that "we would not be seeking Him if He were not seeking us." (Merton?!)

God will not leave you dangling, unfinished or broken. You are loved beyond measure, words or expression, and if you feel the whisper of the Holy Spirit deep within your heart, you are bound to stop and listen to it. And as my friend, Sister Maria Michael (Cart.Hermit), constantly tells me, "The Holy Spirit is not in the business of frustrating people!" So when I say be gentle with yourself, be gentle...know that God will reveal His plan for you as only He can, and all you can do is be ready to let Him wrap His Arms around you and hold you next to His Sacred Heart.

And...there is no point at this time in your life to even consider the possibility of giving up the idea of pursuing a religious vocation. You are responding to the call of God right now as you struggle, and your tears, frustrations, inability to find the peace you so desperately crave are all being accepted as gifts to the King. Penance is not just putting up with Sister's rattling Rosary!

When you least expect it, God will reveal whatever glories He has for you, and like the ready virgin, with the lamp lit, be ready. Sister Marie-Therese's advice was good, to let go of that inner list. We all have it, married, single or religious. His list is greater, better, more amazing and spectacular than anything we could ever dream of...so be at peace knowing our God is a God of promises kept.

You are in my prayers, I promise!

[shortnun]

[quote name='Perpetualove' post='1465871' date='Feb 19 2008, 08:06 PM']God will not leave you dangling, unfinished or broken. You are loved beyond measure, words or expression, and if you feel the whisper of the Holy Spirit deep within your heart, you are bound to stop and listen to it. And as my friend, Sister Maria Michael (Cart.Hermit), constantly tells me, [b]"The Holy Spirit is not in the business of frustrating people!" [/b]So when I say be gentle with yourself, be gentle...know that God will reveal His plan for you as only He can, and all you can do is be ready to let Him wrap His Arms around you and hold you next to His Sacred Heart.[/quote]
(Emphasis mine!) These are wonderful words. Thank you for sharing.

[MC IMaGiNaZUN]

There does come a time i believe, when we loose our vocation.

But only in order to loose all the negative things about it, and realize that only God gives it to us until we find it again.

SHALOM
Bro Mark

[Thomist-in-Training]

It might help to make a sort of retreat FROM thinking about it. I don't mean dating--I just mean not thinking "Whereisit? Whereisit?" A few summers ago we went on vacation to Colorado and walked around mountains and waterfalls. I know it's not always possible to do that sort of thing, but it was helpful to promise myself "For these two weeks, I won't worry about it." Not Giving up, just not worrying.

As for when to quit--my current formulation is "Until I enter a community, or someone I trust to make the judgment tells me that I do not have a religious vocation." (I'm hoping that will be less than two years, when I will graduate, but I suppose I should prepare myself that it could be longer.)

Women should also remember that the Rite of Consecration of Virgins has been revived. I don't think it's for everyone--I'm pretty sure I'd need a community--but a young woman (25 or so) in our parish has done that and looks very happy. Still has a sense of humor too. I guess it's not required, but she wears a white veil and a white dress and turtleneck, and sandals. Sometimes a sash with the liturgical color of the day. And a poncho type sweater for the weather. I think that's neat, I like it better than the idea of looking like someone who's not married.

[gloriagurl]

[quote name='Thomist-in-Training' post='1466699' date='Feb 21 2008, 01:18 PM']It might help to make a sort of retreat FROM thinking about it. I don't mean dating--I just mean not thinking "Whereisit? Whereisit?" A few summers ago we went on vacation to Colorado and walked around mountains and waterfalls. I know it's not always possible to do that sort of thing, but it was helpful to promise myself "For these two weeks, I won't worry about it." Not Giving up, just not worrying.

As for when to quit--my current formulation is "Until I enter a community, or someone I trust to make the judgment tells me that I do not have a religious vocation." (I'm hoping that will be less than two years, when I will graduate, but I suppose I should prepare myself that it could be longer.)

Women should also remember that the Rite of Consecration of Virgins has been revived. I don't think it's for everyone--I'm pretty sure I'd need a community--but a young woman (25 or so) in our parish has done that and looks very happy. Still has a sense of humor too. I guess it's not required, but she wears a white veil and a white dress and turtleneck, and sandals. Sometimes a sash with the liturgical color of the day. And a poncho type sweater for the weather. I think that's neat, I like it better than the idea of looking like someone who's not married.[/quote]

There is also Canon 603 - diocesan hermit. I know people who are very happy in this state. One takes public vows in the hands of the Bishop and "wears the habit of their institute". One can write a Rule of Life (which is eventually approved by the Bishop) and/or adopt an existing rule. St. Francis wrote a rule for Friars living in hermitage, there is the also the medieval Ancrene Riwle, and the Rules of the Benedictines, (especially the Calmaldolese) and Carthusians which are quite adaptable for an individual.

Pax!

[Guadalupe23]

[quote name='gabrielp' post='1463827' date='Feb 15 2008, 11:06 PM']I think discernment is for life...keep on praying and trusting in God[/quote]

Amen to this! Our discernment is constant. I never would have dreamed that I would be where I am now. I believe that God gives us different opportunities to keep letting go of what we think we should do and to surrender to what He [i]wants [/i]us to do. I like the suggestions of "relaxing," "taking a retreat", or putting our constant seeking on the shelf for a while and just letting God speak. I believe He is leading you toward your vocation...or perhaps, you have already found it? Peace! My prayers are with you!

Jackie

[Totus Tuus]

[quote name='Sr. Mary Catharine' post='1462454' date='Feb 14 2008, 03:42 PM']It's not a matter of "giving up". However, I think she/he needs to step back and spend a period of time for prayer. My advice in vocation discernment is first of all to ask the Lord to purify your desires so that you know what YOU really want. Second, to live in the mystery of Mary's FIAT and to ask the Holy Spirit for the gift of Counsel and Wisdom. In God's time the person will know where she/he is being called.

I have known persons who passionately desired religious life and had a strong pull but with help and prayer found that what their true vocation was was marriage. I have known others who couldn't imagine cloistered life and that is where she was called and I have known a nun who lived 32 years as a cloistered nun but her real vocation was in the active life. She has been marvelously happy for about 12 years.

PRAY and honestly look at one's desires. Perhaps the community she/he is being called to is right under her/his nose, so to speak but can't see it because not clear on what she/he is truly desiring.

SMC[/quote]

Though my experience is much more limited than SMC's, I would strongly reinforce this advice. In my own personal experience every word of this explanation has proved to be the truth.

[stbensgirl]

Two and a half years ago, in most extraordinary circumstances (long story), I returned to the Church, praise God! Immediately attracted once again to religious life, but being of a certain age (47 then) and being newly returned, there were issues, false starts, errors, and confusion. I began discerning, but concern for my age, the debt I had, and my immaturity in the faith got in the way. Eventually I determined (on my own) that the door was closed, that I had presumed out of pride, confessed it, and slammed the door shut tight.

The Holy Spirit, not I, has opened that door again, and I can tell you that the pain of longing is intense. Most days, I feel like there's an arrow stuck in my heart. Can I not have Him? If we're all called to holiness, and if I'm called to lay life, why am I not satisfied? Am I romanticizing some notion of the cloister? Am I trying to "be special"? Or am I drawn through the inexplicable work of the Holy Spirit?

Very soon, I shall begin working with communities I am attracted to and, with the help of an experienced guide, discern my religious vocation . I may be blessed with peace, I may not, but even if this painful longing never goes away, I will not run from it, but embrace it. Nothing this side of Heaven will completely satisfy, anyway. I have goals and plans and ideas for my lay life, and I will by the grace of God, pursue them to His greater glory. But I never expect to stop discerning, and I never expect the pain of longing for Him to go away, and I never expect the duty to seek His perfect will to expire. Rather than flee from that longing, I shall stay right next to it, and offer all the pain and dissatisfaction with this world to Him who gave Himself so freely for me.

Forgive the long post. It was much longer. It’s a big subject for me, as I know it is for others. Thanks so much for this wonderful forum!

Pax Dei,
stbensgirl



[quote name='philothea0806' post='1462364' date='Feb 14 2008, 01:44 PM']I guess I am trying to figure out at what point does a person give up on the possiblity of having a religous vocation?
There is nothing physically, emotionally or pyschological wrong with a person, they just can not find the right community.

The person still feels a strong pull/call to religious life but the Lord is not revealing where.

Isn't there a point where the door must be closed? One can not stay in perpetual discernment forever?

Comments anyone?[/quote]