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Dating/courtships And Physical Touch


Slappo

What do you believe to be morally acceptable  

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I'll state my opinions in a little bit, have to get to some homework.

Please post and discuss.

For the first question obviously choice 7 would imply that 1-6 are alright. Choice 6 would imply that 1-5 are alright. Choice 4 would imply that 1-3 are alright.

There are a lot of options for the 2nd question, but I am interested to see who may think some of the more "minor" ones are not appropriate.

Please discuss. Also give opinions on what's alright to do and what is objectively alright but better not to do.

I'm thinking I may save my second first kiss (hah!) for marriage. My first girlfriend and I kissed (not passed question 1 somewhere between option 5 and 6) and I think I may save ever kissing again until I am married.

God love you,
Marcus

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i think it's a no brainer and is kind of unnecessary to specify (although i am curious) because the answer is, whatever arouses any of the persons should not be done. holding hands can arouse some, while a lot more won't arouse others.

while going through your list, i was surprised that i thought, "wow, imagine how in love and how special, and how intense it would be if we were to not even so much as arouse each other, to always play it safe and stop, and remain faithful until our wedding night. it would be like fireworks!" oh how difficult it would be in this day and age..

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Edited by johnnydigit
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Johnny,

I don't think that it is right to say that whatever arouses someone is objectively wrong. Shaking a cute girl's hand at the sign of peace may arouse some people (non-intentionally).

It is obvious that whatever is done for the PURPOSE of arousal is always wrong. If my girlfriends mother dies and she gives me a hug and cries on my shoulder and I become aroused from it because it is a hug longer then a few seconds... does that make it lustful or sinful for me to console her? Obviously I would have no sexual intentions whatsoever, and sexual lust most likely would not even be entering my mind, however the nature of my hormones could cause arousal. This is why I posted the poll. I don't think it is as subjective as "whatever arouses someone." I believe there are objective standards to what is right and wrong, but those standards may be more strict for those who have strong issues with lust.

I voted that anything beyond a few second kiss is too much. I also voted that hugs beyond 5 seconds are too much but I realized that this vote is circumstantial and extreme cases like a death in the family may change what would normally be beyond what I view as acceptable. I also don't think that resting ones head in another's lap is appropriately (although with a pillow between the two I think would be acceptable), neither is sitting on ones lap, or resting your head on her chest.

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I'm okay with kissing in general, but saving kiss #1 for marriage is totally cool, and if I dated a woman who wanted to do that I would roll with it. Besides, I think *french* kissing is a bad idea. Short, chaste kisses are usually extremely romantic and more than enough to send a couple halfway to the moon without getting them physically excited. But then, that's coming from a guy that's never been kissed. :P

There is definitely a way of hugging a woman for a long time without it getting out-of-hand. One arm over, one arm under. Your head should rest on the side of her head where your arm is under. Depending on the "shape" of the woman, you may have to work some bending at the shoulders, or maybe hug from your tip-toes. It's usually easier if he is taller than her. But either way, it's usually possible for a guy to give a very firm hug to a gal without making any contact with her breasts.

Or if you really want you can just hug with a pillow between the two of you. It sounds weird, but IMO it doesn't really make the hug less close or meaningful.

Holding hands is cool, head on shoulder is cool Head on lap...eh...I'll stay away from that. Sitting in lap, I definitely would avoid that. Same with head on woman's chest. Erm, yeah. Stay away from that one.

I think massages are okay--heck I'd like a massage from my sister. I don't think that's really necessarily sexual. Groping and foreplay is obviously not acceptable from a chastity standpoint.

Of course, each couple has to decide some boundaries for themselves. If reading Dilbert while spitting nickels at each other is a serious turn-on for either party, then it's probably best to avoid that kind of activity. It's a ridiculous example but, but the point is that it's best to avoid anything you know will be a serious temptation.

Least that's what I think. Someone will probably correct one or two of my points and they will probably be right.

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[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1483422' date='Mar 24 2008, 07:12 PM']People think groping and petting is ACCEPTABLE?????[/quote]


Yeah I'm not so sure about that at all :unsure:

Unfortunately not too many people are explaining opinions

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I realize that not everyone can wait as long as I did, but I will say that it is nice that no matter what my husband and I do together, I never have to worry about any other men going through my mind. I never have to worry about comparing him to another man, or thinking that someone else did something better or in a different way than he does. He never has to think of me having been touched in any way by another man. It is something special in our marriage, and something you can't have if you don't wait.

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[quote name='CatherineM' post='1483516' date='Mar 24 2008, 08:26 PM']I realize that not everyone can wait as long as I did, but I will say that it is nice that no matter what my husband and I do together, I never have to worry about any other men going through my mind. I never have to worry about comparing him to another man, or thinking that someone else did something better or in a different way than he does. He never has to think of me having been touched in any way by another man. It is something special in our marriage, and something you can't have if you don't wait.[/quote]


I envy you :(. But not in a sinful way!

I had planned on saving my first kiss for marriage my freshmen year of college, and before I started dating my first girlfriend another guy basically talked me out of it.

I've still only kissed one girl and I think I'm leaning towards saving the next girl I kiss until at least engagement. I haven't decided for sure yet but... pray for my decision please!

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+

People think that french kissing and making out are acceptable?!!! SO NOT OKAY! These are very intimate gestures that by their nature physiologically prepare the body for the sex act. This shouldn't be done outside of marriage for obvious prudential and emotional reasons. I can only guess that the teaching isn't there, yet, so take note young lovers, take note.

Not to mention, would you want your husband or wife to have had this kind of intimate physical exchange with others? I'm a no kissing on the lips before engagement for this reason.

These votes alarm me. Perhaps secular non-Catholics have been spam voting as a joke?

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[quote name='CatherineM' post='1483516' date='Mar 25 2008, 03:26 AM']I realize that not everyone can wait as long as I did, but I will say that it is nice that no matter what my husband and I do together, I never have to worry about any other men going through my mind. I never have to worry about comparing him to another man, or thinking that someone else did something better or in a different way than he does. He never has to think of me having been touched in any way by another man. It is something special in our marriage, and something you can't have if you don't wait.[/quote]
Amen! I had decided long ago that the only man I would kiss would be the one I married. I kissed my husband before we were technically engaged, but when we had been dating long enough to know we were going to get married as soon as we were financially stable. He was the same way, so I also don't have to wonder if he's thinking of another girl. :)

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[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1483422' date='Mar 24 2008, 10:12 PM']People think groping and petting is ACCEPTABLE?????[/quote]

holding hands is a form of petting.

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How does holding hands fit into the realm of petting? Just curious.

Edited by Knight of the Holy Rosary
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[quote name='Didymus' post='1483598' date='Mar 25 2008, 08:35 AM']holding hands is a form of petting.[/quote]
No it is not.

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