Chastity W/ "the One"

[friendofJPII]

I have my own theory but I was wondering your thoughts.

[XIX]

I feel like normally, being in any kind of romantic relationship will ratchet up the sexual temptation. Certainly it makes fornication more available. I think that normally, this is going to make chastity more difficult.

But I can see where there would be exceptions to this, especially if you are in a relationship with an extremely holy person.

I would imagine that it's easier to be chaste when you are married. Again, plenty of exceptions to this. People are different. I think every individual need to take an honest inventory of his/her own weaknesses and temptations, and then act accordingly.

[CatherineM]

I have found it both easier and harder in some ways to remain completely chaste within our marriage. It can be hard, especially as we are doing NFP. When you really love someone, you kind of want to be with them all the time. However, I have found that by following all the rules, the intimacy is so much more satisfying. When grace is present, God is present, and it just feels so much more "right."

I know you probably weren't talking about marital chastity, but that is important too. Before marriage, I found it pretty easy to maintain chastity because I hadn't met that "one" yet. When I did, it was pretty hard.

[LouisvilleFan]

I think it's always a mistake to regard chastity as something easy. If it's ever "easy," it's only because of God's grace, not because of who the person happens to be.

[CatherineM]

The only reason chastity was easy for me was that I simply did not date for 12 years at one point. I said the purity prayer every day, and did not watch or read any material that would have compromised me in any way.

[Archaeology cat]

Not sure I can answer in a point of comparison, as I only dated my husband (meaning he's the only one I went on more than 1 date with). Anyway, no, chastity was definitely not easy, even though I knew he was "the one". And I can't say that we always succeeded in being chaste, unfortunately. Chastity is not always easy within marriage as well, though it's gotten much easier. I damaged my sciatic nerve giving birth, and so the doc said I should wait a while before conceiving again so that I don't do further damage to it, and that phase II can be difficult sometimes, though, as CatherineM said, it does cause us to appreciate the intimacy that much more.

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1499030' date='Apr 14 2008, 08:31 AM']Not sure I can answer in a point of comparison, as I only dated my husband (meaning he's the only one I went on more than 1 date with). Anyway, no, chastity was definitely not easy, even though I knew he was "the one". And I can't say that we always succeeded in being chaste, unfortunately. Chastity is not always easy within marriage as well, though it's gotten much easier. I damaged my sciatic nerve giving birth, and so the doc said I should wait a while before conceiving again so that I don't do further damage to it, and that phase II can be difficult sometimes, though, as CatherineM said, it does cause us to appreciate the intimacy that much more.[/quote]


I was just thinking, that if you are with the one God destined you to be with, then things (including chastity) would go easier (note I said easier, not easy . I know when I am out of God's path things go terribly wrong, I'm more irratable, temptations overall are greater, etc.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1499036' date='Apr 14 2008, 02:35 PM']I was just thinking, that if you are with the one God destined you to be with, then things (including chastity) would go easier (note I said easier, not easy . I know when I am out of God's path things go terribly wrong, I'm more irratable, temptations overall are greater, etc.[/quote]
Like I said, don't know that I'm the one to ask, having only seriously dated "the One". I do know he was the only guy I ever wanted to kiss, so there wasn't really a temptation there with other guys. That being said, this is something we talked about, made sure we were on the same page on, and tried to hold each other accountable with. I have to say that he was much better at it than I.

[prose]

I think that sometimes married people fool themselves into thinking chastity is easier when they are married. But I find, personally, that I have many attacks on us within our marriage (spiritually) which affect our chaste-ness (is that a word)??

I find that living chaste in a marriage, I must be far more diligent about my thoughts because it is far to easy to take sex for granted because I am married.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='prose' post='1499194' date='Apr 14 2008, 07:01 PM']I find that living chaste in a marriage, I must be far more diligent about my thoughts because it is far to easy to take sex for granted because I am married.[/quote]
Totally agree, as I struggle with that sometimes as well.

[goldenchild17]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1498869' date='Apr 13 2008, 09:10 PM']I have my own theory but I was wondering your thoughts.[/quote]

I believe the 4th option is also true, but I picked no. Maybe it makes it a little easier to stay chaste but I think about all of the adultery in the world and can't really imagine that lust ever gets any easier to handle no matter if you find "the one" or not. Staying with the sacraments is the only defense I can think of. but I haven't met "that one", so I can't really know for sure.

[MissyP89]

Well, I don't know if I'm with "the One" per se, but I do know God has made His Grace very, very visible in our relationship. Does that mean we're perfectly chaste all the time? Unfortunately not, as ArchCat said, but we do find the strength to encourage each other when one or both of us is weak and tempted.

Prayer is our number one weapon, and, as selfish as it may be, the thought of enjoying it more later is also helpful.

[picchick]

I think that chastity is always threatened whether or not you are with "the one". We are always human and thus face temptations that are sometimes very strong.

I think that if you have someone who supports your decision to be chaste can help but I don't think it can necessarily make it easier.

[scardella]

It's not any easier, that's for sure. If you're anticipating being with someone forever, sometimes that offers itself as an excuse for testing the waters or somesuch nonsense. Furthermore, you can certainly convince yourself that the person you're dating is going to be "the one" whether he proves to be your future spouse or not.

The only way it would be "easier" is if you are both committed to chastity compared to at least one not committed to chastity. It's way harder if one of the members of the couple is only half-hearted in his attempt at chastity.

[XIX]

Regardless:

Chastity is not easy, ever.

With (and only with) the help of God, chastity is quite attainable.

[fides quarens intellectum]

i voted "yes" because of the whole operative grace thing. A priest once told me that, after his ordination, he did not look at a woman for close to three years with the wrong eyes. That story stuck with me because it was an example of the grace he received from his ordination, and an example of how priests struggle just like everyone else. But then, this poll is about meeting "the one," so...

i still think/hope that God gives us grace through the sacraments of service, though.

[scardella]

[quote name='fides quarens intellectum' post='1500038' date='Apr 15 2008, 01:37 PM']i voted "yes" because of the whole operative grace thing. A priest once told me that, after his ordination, he did not look at a woman for close to three years with the wrong eyes. That story stuck with me because it was an example of the grace he received from his ordination, and an example of how priests struggle just like everyone else. But then, this poll is about meeting "the one," so...

i still think/hope that God gives us grace through the sacraments of service, though.[/quote]

But that is post-sacrament. It seems the question implies pre-sacrament.

[Deb]

I guess I had never considered being chaste while married. Is that for productive reasons?

[XIX]

Chastity =/= abstinence

Short explanation:
chastity = following Catholic teaching on sexuality. Which means abstaining when you aren't married, and sticking with your wife/not using contraception/not using NFP with a contraceptive mentality/generally not "using" your partner when you are married.

abstinence = not being sexually active.

They are very similar and people think they are completely synonymous, but they are slightly different.

[KnightofChrist]

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Edited April 19, 2008 by KnightofChrist