Convent-visiting Etiquette

[Thomist-in-Training]

I asked someone this question by PM but just in case, I thought someone "milling around" might know as well. If you make a week's retreat at a convent, and they say you don't need to pay anything, it is still customary to make a donation, yes? If so, about how much?

Thanks all!

[fides quarens intellectum]

i'd say go with what the Holy SPirit is prompting you to do.

[Saint Therese]

I was just wondering this myself today. It would seem appropriate to offer a donation especially when meals etc are provided.

[FSM Sister]

[quote name='Thomist-in-Training' post='1556787' date='Jun 3 2008, 10:29 PM']I asked someone this question by PM but just in case, I thought someone "milling around" might know as well. If you make a week's retreat at a convent, and they say you don't need to pay anything, it is still customary to make a donation, yes? If so, about how much?

Thanks all![/quote]


I always make a donation, and it is almost always accepted. I'd say it would probably depend on your financial circumstances. If you are a poor high school kid, $10 per day. Average working class, $25 per day, and upper middle class $40 per day. A weekend is worth $100.

Just a thought.

[Nunsense]

The Trappist monks in California suggest $40 per day if the person can afford it, but they don't ask for it - they just leave it up to the individual to make a donation as they can afford.

[Thomist-in-Training]

[quote name='FSM Sister' post='1557003' date='Jun 4 2008, 12:25 AM']I always make a donation, and it is almost always accepted. I'd say it would probably depend on your financial circumstances. If you are a poor high school kid, $10 per day. Average working class, $25 per day, and upper middle class $40 per day. A weekend is worth $100.

Just a thought.[/quote]

I fall under "poor college kid" so maybe $100, which is what I was thinking.

[DiscerningSoul]

Usally I would leave some money whatever I had in my pockets. Sometimes I can make bigger donations later if I save.

[Caramelonion]

I am so glad that someone brought this up. I am planning to visit a community in the near future and didn't know how to proceed. I have visited one other community about six years ago and was advised to bring them a small gift and then send flowers for their altar as a thank you when I returned home.

[praying4carmel]

I have always brought a gift for the sisters, and written thank you notes. This weekend I am sending them, the Cleveland Carmelites, C H e e s e monthly for the next 6 months from a Creamery in Wisconsin. My Spiritual Director who is a Dominican sister has never told me to make a monetary donation. I asked about this and she said No. HUH?! I asked Sr. Bobbi @ Rock Island and she Said NO too, I can give my gift as being a lector during my time there, or doing things around the house etc. I still brought them fresh Gourmet Popcorn in a china bowl, and a Begonia for the statue of Mary when I went previously.

I guess that each place would have it's own idea of what is expected. Praying and seeing what the spirit wants is what's necessary.

Note: C h e e s e comes up as "coagulated milk"..thanks Mr. D.

Edited June 4, 2008 by praying4carmel

[alicemary]

Money is not always the way to go, and most convents will not want that. If you are going on retreat that is a little different. Most times you do help out when you go to the convent, always seems that sisters are always pitching in for some task and you help too. If this is a vocation thing, then generally, no they do not expect to be paid, unless they tell you up front. I think one hundred dollars is far too much. They understand most young people have no ready money.
Most would be happy if you came armed with a big box of chocolates or stopped at the bakery on the way over and bought a couple dozen baked goods.
If in doubt, you should just speak with the vocation director. They are used to questions and will put your mind at ease.
When I visit my Dominican nuns I come armed with fresh goodies from the bakery, about 2 pounds of different coffee's or teas and a couple whitman samplers. They love it.
If you know the order is as poor as you are, then you might ask about a money donation, but do not feel obligated to give alot. They are very understanding of your predictament.

[Nunsense]

Alicemary is right about the money thing. When I was going to visit the Hermits of Bethlehem they told me the rate for retreats but then said that this doesn't apply to those who are visiting for discernment.

[Thomist-in-Training]

OK thanks so much everyone... although I'm more confused now

But Nunsense's comment sounds a little like what I was thinking. My mom is just trying to make sure I do the polite thing but she knows even less about this than I do. But before this all I had to go on was one friend who stayed w/monks in Norcia for about a month and gave them several hundred euro. But Caramelonion's comment sounds really good. I love flowers in the church.

I won't be helping out around the convent exactly since it's cloistered & I'll be in guest quarters So, maybe buying a few books is enough, and then sending flowers??? (It's hard for me to bring a food gift or anything like that with me since we are driving cross country.)

I will "look around" and see if it seems they really could use a donation for something, like Alicemary said. Thanks a lot! More suggestions are welcome.

Caramelonion, welcome to the forum! I love your name!

Edited June 5, 2008 by Thomist-in-Training

[salterrae]

JM + JT

When my family and I (total of 6) visited the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles, they told us that we didn't have to pay, but we wanted to leave a donation.

We had used three rooms and ate breakfast both days.

We asked how much our stay would've cost: $600

I think we gave something like $400.

But it was definitely a much better experience than staying at a boring ol' hotel.

I'd love to visit again.

[Caramelonion]

[quote name='Thomist-in-Training' post='1558450' date='Jun 4 2008, 09:23 PM']OK thanks so much everyone... although I'm more confused now

But Nunsense's comment sounds a little like what I was thinking. My mom is just trying to make sure I do the polite thing but she knows even less about this than I do. But before this all I had to go on was one friend who stayed w/monks in Norcia for about a month and gave them several hundred euro. But Caramelonion's comment sounds really good. I love flowers in the church.

I won't be helping out around the convent exactly since it's cloistered & I'll be in guest quarters So, maybe buying a few books is enough, and then sending flowers??? (It's hard for me to bring a food gift or anything like that with me since we are driving cross country.)

I will "look around" and see if it seems they really could use a donation for something, like Alicemary said. Thanks a lot! More suggestions are welcome.

Caramelonion, welcome to the forum! I love your name! [/quote]

Thanks!

I live in Texas and when I visited the monastery, I took several jars of jam made in Texas and I wrapped it all up in bandanas and twine. I figured that was something they could use...If there was something from where you life like the jam that can travel in the car, that may be something kind of personal that they would love. That's just a thought!

[Thomist-in-Training]

[quote name='Caramelonion' post='1559418' date='Jun 5 2008, 10:41 AM']I live in Texas and when I visited the monastery, I took several jars of jam made in Texas and I wrapped it all up in bandanas and twine. I figured that was something they could use...If there was something from where you life like the jam that can travel in the car, that may be something kind of personal that they would love. That's just a thought![/quote]

Cute! I wish I'd thought of something like that earlier, but we're leaving in a few hours. Maybe I'll find something nice this weekend, though--we're visiting my brother first. We'll see, I guess.

[Chiquitunga]

Wow, those are all great ideas! I usually give around $25 each night, and leave it there in the guesthouse with a note, or give it to one of the externs, and then I may send a card later in the mail with a Mass offered for their community, if I remember. That reminds me, I need to request a few.

[Thomist-in-Training]

Oh man, I was looking around my room to see if I had anything gift-appropriate and my eye fell on my book with reproductions and notes of Fra Angelico's frescoes at San Marco... it's a great book, I bet they would like that if they don't already have the same sort of thing (along with something else like what you guys suggested). Hmmmmm. I love it though. I'll talk with myself about this for the next few hours...

[Thomist-in-Training]

Maybe jam (sort of thing) is a better idea because I would know for sure they didn't already have it... if I knew they wouldn't have anything like this it would make more sense.

[Caramelonion]

[quote name='Thomist-in-Training' post='1559771' date='Jun 5 2008, 02:08 PM']Maybe jam (sort of thing) is a better idea because I would know for sure they didn't already have it... if I knew they wouldn't have anything like this it would make more sense. [/quote]

When I was going...I was trying to think of something personal. I considered taking them a book on Texas...and then thought...what are they going to do with a book on Texas? I must say that your book idea is much better mine!

[fides quarens intellectum]

[quote name='alicemary' post='1557963' date='Jun 4 2008, 05:30 PM']Money is not always the way to go, and most convents will not want that. If you are going on retreat that is a little different. Most times you do help out when you go to the convent, always seems that sisters are always pitching in for some task and you help too. If this is a vocation thing, then generally, no they do not expect to be paid, unless they tell you up front. I think one hundred dollars is far too much. They understand most young people have no ready money.
Most would be happy if you came armed with a big box of chocolates or stopped at the bakery on the way over and bought a couple dozen baked goods.
If in doubt, you should just speak with the vocation director. They are used to questions and will put your mind at ease.
When I visit my Dominican nuns I come armed with fresh goodies from the bakery, about 2 pounds of different coffee's or teas and a couple whitman samplers. They love it.
If you know the order is as poor as you are, then you might ask about a money donation, but do not feel obligated to give alot. They are very understanding of your predictament.[/quote]

iawtp