lost_in_this_world Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 so heres the scoop real quick. my brother (5 years older than me) decided to date my best friend. I do feel betrayed by both of them and I do realize that i can't control them and that they can date if they want to. my reason for not liking it is because i dont want to lose my friend. my bro and i dont get along that well and this past summer moved to the town next to where i am in school. my friend and i have already had an argument that i thought was gonna end our friendship because of stuff that got blown out of proportion and it is exactly why i dont want them to date. i barely see her alone and i have said to them many times that i dont want to always hang out with them together. i just dont know i really dont liek it and they know it and i try to hang out with them but sometimes its awkward and just uncomfortable. so i know that they have been dating for prolly 6 months (mostly behind my back but that issue was sort of taken care of). i dont know how serious they are and to be perfectly honest i just want them to break up. ive tried to feel comfortable with it and i think ive done a decent job but sometimes it does still get to me. arggg i just feel like im stuck and i dont know to do. i want them to be happy but them being happy makes me unhappy so...i guess i just want to be okay with it but as much as i try im not and i really dont want to lose her friendship. im stuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icelandic_iceskater Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 Something similar happened to me. My bro started unofficially courting my best friend two years ago. Now she recently officially broke up with him for the last time (even though they were never really dating?) she has a new bf. He still calls her every chance he gets. My friend and I aren't really friends anymore, I mean we hang out when she's back from college (sometimes) but honestly were about as close of friends as I am with my boss. I want to rebuild the friendship (most of the time), but now that she's insanely busy with college and I put in quite a few hours at work, its looking unlikely. Anyways I just wanted to let you know that I at least somewhat understand what you're going through. As far as how to help- All I got is if you haven't already, *let them know how you feel*. And keep trying to stay friends. It smells of elderberries, I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost_in_this_world Posted October 27, 2008 Author Share Posted October 27, 2008 i'm trying to but sometimes i just want my friend back and they know i dont like it and i do still hang out with them. i just want to feel more comfortable with it but i dont right now. i dont want to start an argument with her all the time so i try not to mention it but there are times when i dont want to speak to them. im tired of sharing her.... and im depressed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 My brother John married my brother Dail's wife's best friend. Marriage didn't last. She took off with his expensive work truck. He had to get it back because he was still paying on it, and it had his tools in the back, probably worth more than the truck. John asked Dail to help him find the truck. Dail was in between brother and wife. He decided to stay out of it. John looked at that as if he was taking the ex's side. That was over 20 years ago now, and they still barely speak to each other. These things can get nasty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icelandic_iceskater Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 oo woah^^ thats horrible [quote name='lost_in_this_world' post='1686902' date='Oct 26 2008, 07:27 PM']i'm trying to but sometimes i just want my friend back and they know i dont like it and i do still hang out with them. i just want to feel more comfortable with it but i dont right now. i dont want to start an argument with her all the time so i try not to mention it but there are times when i dont want to speak to them. im tired of sharing her.... and im depressed [/quote] I understand how you feel. And then when you do talk its like she'll listen and means well- honestly wants to stay bestest friends, but then she goes and hangs out with him and forgets about how you feel and then you're hurt and don't want to talk about it, which brings you farther apart from your closest friend then you finally get over it and decide to say something again because you value the friendship and the whole cycle repeats. Either that or you don't say something because so many times in the past its amounted to nothing. which doesn't help the depression at all, you're best friends not there... etc. And you try to be happy for them and focus on whats best and trust that God's willing this etc, but its not easy. just popped a prayer for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost_in_this_world Posted October 27, 2008 Author Share Posted October 27, 2008 that about says it all.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost_in_this_world Posted October 27, 2008 Author Share Posted October 27, 2008 the only way i can see anything positive coming out of this for me is by them breaking up and breaking up soon. i dont care if that sounds harsh or not its the truth. if this goes on for a very ling time, i dont see us staying friends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomProddy Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 [quote name='lost_in_this_world' post='1687350' date='Oct 27 2008, 07:16 PM']..if this goes on for a very ling time, i dont see us staying friends[/quote] How would you feel if she became your sister-in-law? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost_in_this_world Posted October 27, 2008 Author Share Posted October 27, 2008 i really don't think i would be happy. i really want to be happy for them but i cant be because i feel like i'm losing a friend and she was my friend before she was my bros girlfriend. ive liekd my bros girlfriends in the past(well some of them anyway) but i just cant find a happy medium between her being my friend and her being my bros girlfriend. i know that a lot of stuff i say to her goes to him. i know that and i cant blame her cuz hes her boyfriend but i have to watch what i say and its just complicated. especially when they are together without me i try to keep my distance and maybe not call her but of course she doesnt call me. its petty things i realize this but its reallly really bothering me. and i dont know how to feel comfortable with the situation and i dont see a positive ending for me out of this until they break up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pax_Et_Bonum Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 What's the age difference between you and your best friend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost_in_this_world Posted October 28, 2008 Author Share Posted October 28, 2008 shes like 6 months older than me and my bro is 5 years older than me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost_in_this_world Posted October 29, 2008 Author Share Posted October 29, 2008 so yeah i'm stuck and have nothing to say. I am at a loss................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 My only advice would be to pray for them & their relationship, as well as praying for your relationship with the two of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost_in_this_world Posted October 29, 2008 Author Share Posted October 29, 2008 what if the prayers arent working fast enough for me. i know i know in God's time not mine but this is hard. any other ideas on how i can be more comfortable with this. although it might not sound like i am i really am trying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 [quote name='lost_in_this_world' post='1688819' date='Oct 29 2008, 08:19 PM']what if the prayers arent working fast enough for me. i know i know in God's time not mine but this is hard. any other ideas on how i can be more comfortable with this. although it might not sound like i am i really am trying[/quote] Prayers rarely work fast enough for me (I'm the queen of impatience, believe me). When I'm in situations where I am having a hard time with someone, I try to say a quick prayer for them every time I think about them (hard to say anything negative that way, but not exactly easy), and then also add that person to my Rosary intentions every day. It takes awhile, that's true. Another idea might be to schedule an event with just your friend, and an event with just your brother, so that you can hang out with them separately once in awhile, in addition to seeing them together. There are times when I hang out with just my brother, and not my sister-in-law, and vice versa, as well as spending time with both of them together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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