What Do Children Learn From Corporal Punishment?

[rachael]

This isn't meant to be a corporal punishment is right or wrong thread. Rather, I am curious to know what people, especially the parents on the forum believe children learn from different forms of corporal punishment.

[missionseeker]

How to not get caught next time...

[HisChildForever]

I am def no parent but I think it is better to show children disappointment when you scold them, plus both giving (extra chores) and taking (play time) as a punishment. If you just hit them, they will begin to resent you.

[Fidei Defensor]

I think the general principle rests on classical conditioning - i.e. if a child does something wrong, they learn to associate pain with it and would thus choose against it the next time around.

[mcts]

i was spanked when i was little. I am now well behaved and fully functional (i was back then too) however, the people that i know that were not spanked pretty much can't figure out whats right and whats wrong.

[Fidei Defensor]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1716902' date='Dec 2 2008, 08:36 PM']I am def no parent but I think it is better to show children disappointment when you scold them, plus both giving (extra chores) and taking (play time) as a punishment. If you just hit them, they will begin to resent you.[/quote]
I find this works well with the 2nd and 3rd graders I work with. If you focus on making known that you're disappointed in their choices, they tend to want to make it up to you and behave better next time. It really depends, though, on your relationship with them. You have to relate to them in a way where they value your "friendship," so to speak.

[Fidei Defensor]

[quote name='mcts' post='1716918' date='Dec 2 2008, 08:44 PM']i was spanked when i was little. I am now well behaved and fully functional (i was back then too) however, the people that i know that were not spanked pretty much can't figure out whats right and whats wrong.[/quote]
I wasn't and I'm what you would consider a "good kid."

[CatherineM]

I only spanked a couple of times, and only when they were too young for serious lectures, and only like a swat to get their attention. I can recall once when my two year old decided to sit in the middle of the street. Scared the stuffing out of me. There was also the incident involving a baseball bat and my windshield. It was an antique VW campervan, and I had just put on the last windshield in the state of Florida that fit it. That was more anger than fear, and it was the last time. I swatted hands away from hot or dangerous things more times than I like to think about.

[HisChildForever]

[quote name='mcts' post='1716918' date='Dec 2 2008, 09:44 PM']i was spanked when i was little. I am now well behaved and fully functional (i was back then too) however, the people that i know that were not spanked pretty much can't figure out whats right and whats wrong.[/quote]

Did you go around asking people if they were spanked as children?

[quote name='fidei defensor' post='1716920' date='Dec 2 2008, 09:45 PM']I find this works well with the 2nd and 3rd graders I work with. If you focus on making known that you're disappointed in their choices, they tend to want to make it up to you and behave better next time. It really depends, though, on your relationship with them. You have to relate to them in a way where they value your "friendship," so to speak.[/quote]

I agree about the relationship. It should work well with a parent-child relationship.

[quote name='fidei defensor' post='1716921' date='Dec 2 2008, 09:46 PM']I wasn't and I'm what you would consider a "good kid."[/quote]

Ditto.

[Maggyie]

I do not know any parent who doesn't swat, except for the ones who prefer to pinch. Even the ones who claim to be absolutely opposed to corporal punishment, if you were a fly on their wall you might see something a little different! I think corporal punishment is supposed to teach discipline, respect etc, all things that can probably be achieved without recourse to violence.

However corporal punishment is thousands of years old (spare the rod etc) and I am tempted to think it serves some important evolutionary purpose.... this "no spanking your child" movement is of suspiciously recent vintage. I doubt that modern parents know better than their parents, grandparents, great-great-great etc grand parents how to raise children. How would they - the glories of modern education? Our "advanced" and "more compassionate" culture? Give me a break.

Edited December 3, 2008 by Maggie

[mcts]

[quote name='fidei defensor' post='1716921' date='Dec 2 2008, 10:46 PM']I wasn't and I'm what you would consider a "good kid."[/quote]

i'm not saying that everyone who wasn't isn't a "good kid" i'm just saying that most of the people that I know that weren't aren't the best behaved people by any stretch of the imagination.


[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1716964' date='Dec 2 2008, 11:11 PM']Did you go around asking people if they were spanked as children?[/quote]

i actually have talked to a lot of people about it.

[Fidei Defensor]

[quote name='mcts' post='1717003' date='Dec 2 2008, 09:40 PM']i'm not saying that everyone who wasn't isn't a "good kid" i'm just saying that most of the people that I know that weren't aren't the best behaved people by any stretch of the imagination.




i actually have talked to a lot of people about it.[/quote]
I'm sure you understand, then, that your experience is not a substitute for an argument and that "spanking" does not necessarily cause better behaved children?

[mcts]

[quote name='fidei defensor' post='1717006' date='Dec 2 2008, 11:44 PM']I'm sure you understand, then, that your experience is not a substitute for an argument and that "spanking" does not necessarily cause better behaved children?[/quote]


sure do. spanking can be one of the worst things for a kid if they arent' raised right otherwise. also, it's very likely that a child who is not spanked can/will be better behaved than a child who is.


i never answered the original question, though, i just realized. I believe that a child learns respect as long as spanking isn't the only means of reinforcement. If you only spank a child when he/she is bad and don't show any kind of encouragement or positive reinforcement when they are being good, then they just learn fear.

Edited December 3, 2008 by mcts

[HisChildForever]

Fear which could later turn into resentment and, ironically, rebellion (which is what spanking is supposed to reduce/eliminate).

[exquisitebones]

I try not to swat bottoms, unless its like a DANGEROUS bad behaviour.
My son is little still and doesnt quite understand lectures. But he gets that a stern voice and time out means he is not supposed to do the action. (although, he is 2 so he TESTS this theory all the time )

I think hitting your children instills and unhealthy fear of you. I have swatted his bum before(SOFTLY), and the look of terror, and him crying "no dont hit me", is enough to make me sick and feel like a monster. so like I said, he only gets a pat if its a Super Dangerous activity.


[quote name='Maggie' post='1716996' date='Dec 2 2008, 08:31 PM']I do not know any parent who doesn't swat, except for the ones who prefer to pinch. Even the ones who claim to be absolutely opposed to corporal punishment, if you were a fly on their wall you might see something a little different! I think corporal punishment is supposed to teach discipline, respect etc, all things that can probably be achieved without recourse to violence.[/quote]

Oh man, my parents were pinchers. I CANT STAND seeing a parent pinch their child. I thinks its on par with smacking them.


[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1717091' date='Dec 2 2008, 09:56 PM']Fear which could later turn into resentment and, ironically, rebellion (which is what spanking is supposed to reduce/eliminate).[/quote]
THIS.

[mcts]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1717091' date='Dec 3 2008, 12:56 AM']Fear which could later turn into resentment and, ironically, rebellion (which is what spanking is supposed to reduce/eliminate).[/quote]

right. thats not good. so really, either way, you could end up bad. you could also end up good. it just depends on how you parent the rest of the time.

[homeschoolmom]

People pinch their children? Wow... never heard of that.... (I believe you, just never occurred to me to pinch a child.)

[puellapaschalis]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1717235' date='Dec 3 2008, 02:57 PM']People pinch their children? Wow... never heard of that.... (I believe you, just never occurred to me to pinch a child.)[/quote]

Pinching was part of corporal punishment when I was younger. It's supposedly less obvious to others if done in public, I think.

[dominicansoul]

spanking is okay if it's done "right..."

i was physically abused as a child at the hands of my dad...spankings became more like a sort of "scourging at the pillar"

...what did it do to me? I now have a great devotion to the Passion of Christ, which came as a result of this intense suffering as a child...

...am I messed up psychologically? NO. I mean, I have my problems, but I think what was great about my growing up stages, was God gave me a tender, gentle, loving Mother, who was the exact opposite of my father. Her example and her strength passed on to me, and I survived. Do I hate my father? NO. I only grew to love him more, because I realized he had been physically abused as a child...and this caused him to be physically abusive to his children...

Now I take care of my elderly father, (who is now a widow,) and I baby him every chance I get! I love him sooo much! He's 84 now. And he's made peace with me. It took the saintliness of my mother to NOT hate my dad and to see him through the eyes of God...

...i want to mention, i was very well disciplined growing up...and although the spankings were wrong, i think if i had been spoiled, i wouldn't be the devout Catholic I am today...

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='rachael' post='1716854' date='Dec 2 2008, 09:42 PM']This isn't meant to be a corporal punishment is right or wrong thread. Rather, I am curious to know what people, especially the parents on the forum believe children learn from different forms of corporal punishment.[/quote]

They learn right and wrong. Do the wrong thing: you get wacked up side the behind. Do the right thing: you don't get wacked up side the behind (okay, some positive reinforcement is obviously good). Gotta start with the basics to grow in maturity.