Hassan Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 [quote name='tinytherese' post='1878572' date='May 30 2009, 05:16 PM']No, but dad once did it in front of mom and she told him off and there he went to laughing again. He's just had this history of being arrogant when it comes to when ANYBODY objects to the slightest thing that he does and attacks them even if they are being as calm and rational as can be. Mom and dad fight a lot usually starting with mom being cool and collected and then dad blowing up about it, even if its over something small. It's all a big deal to him. [/quote] Is there anyone in the family (exended as well) who you can talk to that he will listen too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 [quote name='Hassan' post='1878576' date='May 30 2009, 05:22 PM']Is there anyone in the family (exended as well) who you can talk to that he will listen too?[/quote] I'd have to see about that. I'm not sure who that would be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose wrought of iron Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Praying for you. If you're ever in the Dallas area (or College Station in a while) you can crash at my place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel*Star Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 You really have to talk to someone about the sexual harassment. A priest, a friend, a teacher. You need to get away from him. NOW! This is wrong and NO ONE should have to deal with it. You are a beautiful young lady with a bright future. He is robbing this from you. Get help! Run somewhere safe. He will always deny it, but you need to get to safety. You are in my prayers. I pray you get the help you deserve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MithLuin Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 I am very sorry you are in this difficult situation. I know that coming home for the summer after the first year of college is usually stressful - your parents treat you like a kid, and you feel out of place. Sounds like your situation was very tense to begin with. I cannot tell you anything you can do to get along better with him. All I can say is that you can do things for yourself. Yes, it hurts when parents don't support you. But you can learn to be strong and confident, even without his support. There is no rule that says you have to stand there and take his sexual touches. Remove yourself from the situation if at all possible. If it were me, I would not hesitate to hit him. But then, I am extremely sensitive about people violating my person without permission. I have...done some strange things when people have tried to hold me in place. And I kick people who tickle me, even if it is a parent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princessgianna Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 darling, you need to get out NOW! I ll be praying for you cause I understand that it will be difficult but God will forever give you the grace you need to do what you need to do and leave. Understand your worth and expect it, it's high. Ephesians 5:25 [quote]Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her[/quote] I think this verse applies to how we ladies ought to be treated. I am here for you if you ever need anything or just an ear to listen! God Speed Gina~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 (edited) I just saw this thread and the sexual harassment part set off red flags - the safety of yourself AND ANY OTHER SIBLINGS is of paramount importance and should NOT be discarded because you feel you need to forgive. Please be on the lookout for this with any other siblings you have. Does your mother know about this? Are you and your siblings able to physically defend yourself from your father if it came to that? I would learn some basic self-defense (like learning how to get out of holds, etc., and avoiding dangerous situations) and have the number of your child protectine services memorized, as if he behaves pervertedly like that toward you he may also be doing that to other siblings. Also, I was going to mention that you should not be too upset about his wanting to share the You Tube videos as he is just trying to prepare you for what you may encounter, but as I was typing this I also realized that in these type of home situations (I had to deal with an alcoholic family member when I was younger, so I know how this kind of situation can drain you emotionally) your nerves are probably so frazzled that ANYTHING he says will probably touch a sore spot with you. Edited May 31, 2009 by Norseman82 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 Thank you for your prayers, advice, and support everyone. I felt icky about it yesterday. I've been wanting to have a cleansing cry about this but I haven't been able to. I could feel the tears inside but they just refused to come out of my eyes. It took me a long time to get to sleep last night and even then I kept waking up and had to get up to get ready for mass with not that much sleep. I was up tossing and turning in my bed thinking about the harassment picturing if it ever developed into something even worse than that. I am a junior black belt in tae kwon do but I am also rusty and dad is in tip top shape, works out, lifts weights, and I'd have to refresh my memory as to what points to hit if really need be, but I have the feeling that hitting him would just tick him off and not dissuade him from sexually harassing me. He might even try to hit back. He's been known to be rough before. I've asked St. Joseph to protect me this morning before mass and during mass it occured to me to ask the help of St. Maria Goretti as well. After a while though it just dawned on me that this really isn't about dad being perverted but him doing something that he noticed bugs me so he just wants to do it as something annoying to tick me off. I'm still feeling uneasy about him though and want to write down how I feel in my journal and go to mom to tell her again and with more detail how I feel. Then mom and I can talk and I could even try to read to my dad how I feel but not in a defensive "look what you are doing to me sicko" but in a calmer and sadder voice emphasizing how dehumanized I feel. He's more used to me sounding ticked off and defensive. Perhaps this will show him that I can show heart. I could also talk to my older brother who is coming for an upcoming visit. He used to be a police officer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 I would like for you to call the local women's shelter. They don't just deal with physical abuse. Many take in teenagers who are being sexually abused. They have a lot more information, and can counsel you on what is and isn't abusive behavior. You may find yourself in need of a safe place in a hurry, and calling ahead of time allows you to know your options. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 (edited) [quote name='tinytherese' post='1879369' date='May 31 2009, 04:21 PM']Thank you for your prayers, advice, and support everyone. I felt icky about it yesterday. I've been wanting to have a cleansing cry about this but I haven't been able to. I could feel the tears inside but they just refused to come out of my eyes. It took me a long time to get to sleep last night and even then I kept waking up and had to get up to get ready for mass with not that much sleep. I was up tossing and turning in my bed thinking about the harassment picturing if it ever developed into something even worse than that. I am a junior black belt in tae kwon do but I am also rusty and dad is in tip top shape, works out, lifts weights, and I'd have to refresh my memory as to what points to hit if really need be, but I have the feeling that hitting him would just tick him off and not dissuade him from sexually harassing me. He might even try to hit back. He's been known to be rough before. I've asked St. Joseph to protect me this morning before mass and during mass it occured to me to ask the help of St. Maria Goretti as well. After a while though it just dawned on me that this really isn't about dad being perverted but him doing something that he noticed bugs me so he just wants to do it as something annoying to tick me off. I'm still feeling uneasy about him though and want to write down how I feel in my journal and go to mom to tell her again and with more detail how I feel. Then mom and I can talk and I could even try to read to my dad how I feel but not in a defensive "look what you are doing to me sicko" but in a calmer and sadder voice emphasizing how dehumanized I feel. He's more used to me sounding ticked off and defensive. Perhaps this will show him that I can show heart. I could also talk to my older brother who is coming for an upcoming visit. He used to be a police officer.[/quote] The point to hit would be the groin, if you feel you can startle him enough so that you could run away and seek help from authorities. But if I were you, I would avoid him as much as possible. And if your brother who was the police officer does not have his head in the sand (since many families are in denial and sometimes cover for the one who behaves wrongly), he may be someone to talk to this about; however, it could backfire if he doen't believe you, especially if he has contacts on the local police forces. I agree with CatherineM who said to contact a women's shelter; they are experienced in devising "escape plans" and connecting women with legal assistance, and may be able to smooth the way with the local authorities if you need their involvement. Edited May 31, 2009 by Norseman82 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle_eye222001 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Be in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissScripture Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 All I can say is that what you feel is what you feel and don't let anyone convince you that the way you feel is wrong. DO NOT let them convince you that being treated like less than a person is okay. DO NOT let them convince you that he just doesn't understand what he is doing, and that should somehow make it okay. It is not! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hassan Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 [quote name='MissScripture' post='1879874' date='May 31 2009, 11:00 PM']All I can say is that what you feel is what you feel and don't let anyone convince you that the way you feel is wrong. DO NOT let them convince you that being treated like less than a person is okay. DO NOT let them convince you that he just doesn't understand what he is doing, and that should somehow make it okay. It is not![/quote] I really think this is about the most important thing said here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 [quote name='MissScripture' post='1879874' date='May 31 2009, 11:00 PM']All I can say is that what you feel is what you feel and don't let anyone convince you that the way you feel is wrong. DO NOT let them convince you that being treated like less than a person is okay. DO NOT let them convince you that he just doesn't understand what he is doing, and that should somehow make it okay. It is not![/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 I had to do more work than I expected in finding a shelter. It was to a point where I was wondering if there even was one and I thought, "Wow, even if I wasn't in this situation that is still bad if there isn't a shelter in town." Then I finally found one. I've got it on speed dial if need be. I've been avoiding dad and I've found volunteer work to do for when dad is done with teaching for the rest of the summer. And most of my friends are actually home for the summer so that I can be with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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