Relationship With My Dad

[zunshynn]

I'm so glad to hear you're going to be able to go to counseling. I hope that it starts to help. You've been in my prayers, and you will continue to be. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this at all. I admire your strength.

[Selah]

Deary, please get help. I'm praying for you. Be safe.

Edited September 7, 2009 by Selah

[eagle_eye222001]

Good. Hope it helps. We all need to talk through our struggles life that knock us down.

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Listening to: [url=http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/simon+and+garfunke/track/the+sounds+of+silence]Simon and Garfunke - The Sounds of Silence[/url]
via [url=http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/]FoxyTunes[/url]

[dauntingknight]

I do not have a whole lot of advice but when I go camping or khiking I find a spot whether om top of a hill,on a cliff,in some shade or while I'm walking I tell God what is on my mind and search for a solution.
If I find a fault in myself I try to go to Confession to confess it.

In the mean time I will keep you in my prayers.

[tinytherese]

The first session went well. I get to go twice a week for this.

I also bought the movie Maria Goretti after mass last night. It's a lovely film by Ignatius Press shot in Italy that I saw on EWTN last July. I can identify with her a heck of a lot more now.

[princessgianna]

praying for you sister.

[tinytherese]

Thank you for praying everyone. It's hard to not have this situation constantly on my mind. I mean seriously, there's not that much of the day when I'm not thinking about it. I'm glad that I'm at school in another state. It's somewhat easier to cope when I'm not around him. I'm not looking forward to family weekend. Earlier, my mom asked if I wanted them to come down for that and I said no. It was fine by her. She seems to think that it's because I'm busy with school, which is part of why I wouldn't want them to come anyway. The last family weekend at my old school was a time when I had lots of homework to do. The previous two family weekends dad was really getting to me of course and my suitemates could tell last year that having my dad around was upsetting me. Dad still wants to come though. He says that they could at least like to be there for part of the time. My family has also talked about coming down for a little while on my birthday for dinner. I might just have to smell of elderberries it up.

[tinytherese]

At least through all of this, I've bonded with Our Heavenly Father and have gotten closer to Mother Mary. They're my parents now more than ever. God brings good out of every bad situation. Dad isn't acting like a father, but God is the Best and Perfect father. Mom isn't supportive or understand what I'm going through. My dad's behavior is just seen as normal to her. I know that she means well but she just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand what he's doing? Bologne! Mother Mary supports and understands me though. She knows how a woman is supposed to be treated and that this is definitely not it.

Over the summer, I recalled a couple of other freaky perverted things that my dad randomly did to me in high school that I hadn't thought much of afterwards. Also, just before my mom and grandma took me to down to school and were loading the car up. He held his arms out for a farewell hug and I hugged him, not wanting to do it. Then he did something else that was degrading to me which frightened me. I don't want to have to hug him again, because of that but I probably don't have that choice. I think about the day I was born and him holding me as a baby for the first time (and I've seen a picture of it before,) and I cringe at the way that he has come to treat me.

I don't have any visions, but in my prayer time I've visualized my Heavenly Father comforting me, holding me lovingly in His arms saying things along the lines of, "This is how you are to be held--with love. I love you. I love you more than you will ever realize on this earth. I loved you enough to send My Son to You (to die for you.) Though I sent Him to all of humanity to die for them, I would have done it even if it was only for your sake. You are that valuable to me. You are a beautiful treasure that I hold very dear. Just as the scriptures say, before you were formed in your mother's womb I knew you. I created you in my image. You are My little girl--My baby. You are my daughter. I tend to you individually, as if you were the only one that I had ever created or ever will create. I long for your love. I did not have to create you or this world, but I wanted to. I wanted you. I am utterly outraged by how he has treated you. It is not your fault. None of it is. This is the enemy's doing. I never have and never will behave sadistically towards you. I never rejoice in anyone's pain. I hurt when you are hurting my dear. I use my power and strength to protect and take care of you, not to harm or dominate you. You have nothing to fear from me, My beautiful girl."

The memories of what he has done to me and the fears of what he could do to me still haunt me, are constantly on my mind. Yet yesterday in prayer it seemed to be a good idea for me (when talking with mama Mary) that I whenever I think those thoughts to call upon my spiritual parents, even to say an Our Father and a Hail Mary. The thoughts really are a problem. It's hard to focus with them on my mind. Perhaps through this discipline it will help.

[Archaeology cat]

What you wrote was beautiful. You & your family will continue to be in my prayers, too.

[eagle_eye222001]

Your truly an inspirational person for standing to your religion and working your way through this tragic-sad situation. Don't give up. You've come too far. In prayers.

[Domine ut Videam]

TinyTherese,

I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. I also am a student at your new school and if you ever want to talk or just hang out let me know. I've been to our counseling center before and they can be quite helpful. I hope that you are doing okay and that your classes are not an extra burden in addition to this trial. Know that you are in my prayers!

Under Mary's Mantle,
Lauren

P.S. If you want my email or cell number just PM me!

[tinytherese]

I've actually been in a better mood rather recently. Friday I started taking up the practice of going to daily mass. The graces that I've received so far from doing that are helping. And perhaps the massive amount of homework that I've been getting might distract me from thinking about it as much.

[tinytherese]

Oh and there was one other thing that I felt like venting about. I've talked with some friends about him torturing me as a child, and him being verbally and emotionally abusive and my best friend, though well meaning I'm sure said that I should be thankful that he wasn't beating me. Sure, I'm glad that I didn't have to go through that but certainly that can't be the only standard for how a parent should treat their children. The slogan for parenting definitely isn't, "As long as you're not beating them or trying to kill them then you're fine. If they expect more than that then that's just selfish."

And another friend who has gone through really hard times in her family life said that what I was going through wasn't that bad and she thought that she and I could be easily reconciled. I also discerned with this one religious community years ago and they wanted to know about my family life. The prioress talked with me about dad and she made this blanket statement that what I was going through was partially my fault. She said that these situations are hardly ever just one parties wrongdoing, but that they both contribute to these problems. Now, she had really been helped me in both my vocational and spiritual journey and she seemed to be a wise woman so when she told me this I believed her. I felt guilty and thought, "Well I'm certainly not a flawless daughter. I could love him better." I now see that what she said was wrong. He is the one with the issues, not me. None of this is my fault.

Alright, now I'm off my soapbox.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='tinytherese' date='13 September 2009 - 02:26 AM' timestamp='1252823188' post='1965702']
Oh and there was one other thing that I felt like venting about. I've talked with some friends about him torturing me as a child, and him being verbally and emotionally abusive and my best friend, though well meaning I'm sure said that I should be thankful that he wasn't beating me. Sure, I'm glad that I didn't have to go through that but certainly that can't be the only standard for how a parent should treat their children. The slogan for parenting definitely isn't, "As long as you're not beating them or trying to kill them then you're fine. If they expect more than that then that's just selfish."

And another friend who has gone through really hard times in her family life said that what I was going through wasn't that bad and she thought that she and I could be easily reconciled. I also discerned with this one religious community years ago and they wanted to know about my family life. The prioress talked with me about dad and she made this blanket statement that what I was going through was partially my fault. She said that these situations are hardly ever just one parties wrongdoing, but that they both contribute to these problems. Now, she had really been helped me in both my vocational and spiritual journey and she seemed to be a wise woman so when she told me this I believed her. I felt guilty and thought, "Well I'm certainly not a flawless daughter. I could love him better." I now see that what she said was wrong. He is the one with the issues, not me. None of this is my fault.

Alright, now I'm off my soapbox.
[/quote]

Unfortunately, there are some people (and cultures) who may not understand the dynamics of abuse, and these include some of the people who have achieved leadership positions in both the Church and secular world. They have their heads up their rear ends if they think that "you must have done something to provoke them" justifies sexual abuse. Abusive people just look for excuses - real and imaginary - to justify their abuse. Disciplining is one thing, but "discipline" can cross the line too when the punishment is not proportional to the offense.

Additionally, emotional and verbal abuse is often the first step toward physical abuse.

Edited September 13, 2009 by Norseman82

[tinytherese]

My therapist had me write a letter to my mom where I explained to her what I was going through and what I wanted of her in this situation. It wasn't so that I would send it to her though, it was just for therapeutic purposes. I did find that helpful. I doubt that I will ever send it to her. I am honestly convinced that she just won't get it, that she'll insist that he doesn't mean anything by it and doesn't understand what he's doing. She also has her lawyer powers that she can try to work on me along with being neurotic. I've never felt more emotionally distant from my parents than I do now.

Really late last night, (or today technically since it was past midnight.) I actually had suicidal thoughts. I prayed 3 Hail Mary's, a Hail Holy Queen, the Memorare, sung Immaculate Mary in my head (so as not to wake my suitemates,) an Our Father, and the prayer to St. Michael the Archangel. I had another suicidal thought this afternoon. I got diagnosed with severe depression at my therapy session later that day. I'm going to get anti-depressants tomorrow ASAP.

My therapist noticed that I was wearing my Pope John Paul II t-shirt and I was reminded of how many horrible things happened in his life. When he was my age his whole family was dead and he witnessed so many horrors around him. Yet through all of this he remained hopeful. That is why he is a called a Witness to Hope like in his biography. His virtue of hope despite what he has gone through has been an inspiration to so many people in today's world and that is one of the reasons why so many have been drawn to him. He even went in person to forgive his assassin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEGCACesZII