Consensual Living

[missionseeker]

We never got allowances for chores.

Other kids thought that was weird.

We did not.

[StColette]

Lesson I learned today. No matter how old you are you will never be able to fool your parents or keep something hidden from them! They're too smart!

[Sojourner]

My husband antagonizes me just because of my reaction (and out of affection). The less I react, the less he antagonizes me. The more strong my reaction is, the more likely he is to keep poking at me. This was also true of my brothers, friends, etc. I do it myself. My parents used to tell me I didn't have to respond to people's attempts to get me riled up. It took a while, but eventually I saw the wisdom of that. Now, I only respond if I want to play along.

Parents are pretty awesome.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='StColette' post='1827697' date='Apr 7 2009, 06:55 PM']Lesson I learned today. No matter how old you are you will never be able to fool your parents or keep something hidden from them! They're too smart![/quote]
Easier if you live an ocean away.

[Moosey]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1827700' date='Apr 7 2009, 02:57 PM']My husband antagonizes me just because of my reaction (and out of affection). The less I react, the less he antagonizes me. The more strong my reaction is, the more likely he is to keep poking at me. This was also true of my brothers, friends, etc. I do it myself. My parents used to tell me I didn't have to respond to people's attempts to get me riled up. It took a while, but eventually I saw the wisdom of that. Now, I only respond if I want to play along.

Parents are pretty awesome.[/quote]
Yeah. Same here. I was wicked touchy when I was 13 and 14. Everything made me burst into tears. And people kept telling me I had to get a thicker skin and not let things get to me because people in the real world weren't going to give me a break. Maybe it was cruel to provoke me but I believe being in a family is meant to help you with things like that and I would have been a major wuss had they not given me that challenge. I've learned to deal with a lot now and I'm actually taking my parents' advice.

Parents are wicked awesome!

[IcePrincessKRS]

I believe I have successfully removed all the posts which have nothing to do with the thread topic. Now we can carry on with a fruitful discussion.

Peace.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Moosey' post='1828166' date='Apr 7 2009, 07:58 PM']Yeah. Same here. I was wicked touchy when I was 13 and 14. Everything made me burst into tears. And people kept telling me I had to get a thicker skin and not let things get to me because people in the real world weren't going to give me a break. Maybe it was cruel to provoke me but I believe being in a family is meant to help you with things like that and I would have been a major wuss had they not given me that challenge. I've learned to deal with a lot now and I'm actually taking my parents' advice.

Parents are wicked awesome![/quote]
Yeah. I think one of the biggest problems with consensual living, actually, is that it puts parents on the same footing as their kids, which gives less credibility to the advice parents give their kids. And, it invites parents to act more like kids than like parents. I think one of the most valuable things my parents taught me is that I can't do much to change other people, but I can do a lot to change my own attitude and response. I can keep my own side of the street clean.

There are always going to be jerks and bullies, so I have had to learn how to respond in a way that doesn't validate and feed into that sort of behavior. I got a lot of guidance on that from my parents, whose wisdom and experience really helped, after I got over myself enough to listen to them.

[cmotherofpirl]

A family is where children are civilized to the rules of the community because the authority figures lead and the children follow. If the group has no rule or authority there is no civilization.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='missionseeker' post='1827657' date='Apr 7 2009, 02:01 PM']We never got allowances for chores.

Other kids thought that was weird.

We did not.[/quote]

Neither did we. I can't recall my parents ever just giving me money to go spend on whatever I wanted. I know there were a few times where we had field trips or something and Mom would give us some money in case we needed it, but other than that... nope. I don't think I ever asked for money, either. By the time I was in my teens I was babysitting (for other people, I didn't get paid to watch my own siblings haha) and got a job so I had my own income for things I wanted to buy.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1828878' date='Apr 8 2009, 06:09 PM']By the time I was in my teens I was babysitting (for other people, I didn't get paid to watch my own siblings haha) and got a job so I had my own income for things I wanted to buy.[/quote]
Yep. On the job part, not the babysitting. I always thought it was weird when classmates would get paid for their grades.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1828885' date='Apr 8 2009, 11:16 AM']Yep. On the job part, not the babysitting. I always thought it was weird when classmates would get paid for their grades.[/quote]
Yeah I had friends who got that too. It was very odd.

[Moosey]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1828878' date='Apr 8 2009, 02:09 PM']By the time I was in my teens I was babysitting (for other people, I didn't get paid to watch my own siblings haha) and got a job so I had my own income for things I wanted to buy.[/quote]
People would always ask me if I got payed to babysit my brothers, and I was like....."eh?" Why on earth would I charge my parents for me to do something Im bound to do as an older sister?

[xTrishaxLynnx]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1828885' date='Apr 8 2009, 12:16 PM']Yep. On the job part, not the babysitting. I always thought it was weird when classmates would get paid for their grades.[/quote]

Yeah, it would be even more weird if your younger siblings got paid for them when you didn't. I know from experience. I used to get grounded for getting C's in Jr. High and High School, and my sister, who is in elementary school right now, gets something ridiculous like $5 for them.

Edited April 8, 2009 by xTrishaxLynnx

[xTrishaxLynnx]

Double post.

Edited April 8, 2009 by xTrishaxLynnx

[Sojourner]

[quote name='xTrishaxLynnx' post='1828916' date='Apr 8 2009, 01:09 PM']Yeah, it would be even more weird if your younger siblings got paid for them when you didn't. I know from experience. I used to get grounded for getting C's in Jr. High and High School, and my sister, who is in elementary school right now, gets something ridiculous like $5 for them. [/quote]
Parents operate differently for younger kids, I've found. I think they get tired.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1828937' date='Apr 8 2009, 03:23 PM']Parents operate differently for younger kids, I've found. I think they get tired.[/quote]

No kidding. I've seen this with my siblings. There have been times when my jaw literally dropped because I saw a younger sibling get away with something I'd have been punished for. (not that I'm criticizing my mom here, but the inner child in me sometimes gets a little miffed and wonder what the heck happened and how is that possibly fair. lol)

[xTrishaxLynnx]

[quote name='fidei defensor' post='1826873' date='Apr 6 2009, 08:44 PM']Some of that is absurd, but I understand the sentiments.

I work with elementary aged kids every day, and there is something to be said for taking the time to actually understand what's going on in a given situation from the kid's point of view, rather than pulling out the old "I'm the adult, do it my way or it's the highway" approach.[/quote]

I do resort to the "I'm the adult" approach [i]after[/i] I've explained WHY we're are going to do what I've said. Otherwise, at times I just get a bunch of reasons why we shouldn't, or don't need to, or why kids shouldn't have to, etc, etc. I don't really feel I need to debate for extended periods of time with a 10 year old about why she needs to pick up her toys, brush her hair, or put her shoes on and get to the car rather than sitting in front of the TV watching Yu-Gi-Oh all day.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1828941' date='Apr 8 2009, 02:25 PM']No kidding. I've seen this with my siblings. There have been times when my jaw literally dropped because I saw a younger sibling get away with something I'd have been punished for. (not that I'm criticizing my mom here, but the inner child in me sometimes gets a little miffed and wonder what the heck happened and how is that possibly fair. lol)[/quote]


Just wait, Icy... your turn is coming. I'm sure your oldest will take note of your failure to be equal in all situations... I know mine has.

[xTrishaxLynnx]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1828937' date='Apr 8 2009, 01:23 PM']Parents operate differently for younger kids, I've found. I think they get tired.[/quote]

Oh, I know that's what's going on with my Dad and my sister. He was only 36 when I was 10, and now my sister's 10 and he's 48... I imagine there's quite a difference in his energy level. He's also ended up raising both of us mostly by himself, though til I was 7 we lived w/ my grandparents, and now he's got me to help with my sister. The problem with that is - she's my sister. We get annoyed with each other on a regular basis, so sometimes it's not so much of a help. Plus, since I'm "just her sister" she doesn't necessarily see me as an authority figure. To her, we're about equal except for our age.

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1828941' date='Apr 8 2009, 01:25 PM']No kidding. I've seen this with my siblings. There have been times when my jaw literally dropped because I saw a younger sibling get away with something I'd have been punished for. (not that I'm criticizing my mom here, but the inner child in me sometimes gets a little miffed and wonder what the heck happened and how is that possibly fair. lol)[/quote]

Sometimes I do get miffed as well, though when I actually think about it, I feel bad for her. She's not getting the discipline or guidance I now feel priviledged to have had. If I hadn't come to appreciate it, or if I hadn't had it at all to begin with, I might never have grown out of my rebellious stage and come back to the Church. I worry about my sister when it comes to that especially.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1828961' date='Apr 8 2009, 03:42 PM']Just wait, Icy... your turn is coming. I'm sure your oldest will take note of your failure to be equal in all situations... I know mine has.[/quote]

Dagnabbit.

I'm sure you're right, but I'm at least going to try to remain on an even keel. Hopefully because I'm aware of what it's like to be the kid in that situation it'll help me be a better parent to all my kids. Right now we're equal opportunity: everyone has the same chances to pick up their junk (etc.) before Mom or Dad gets to it.