The Right Community

[AbsconditaInDeo]

For those of you who are entering a convent or monastery, how did you know your community was the right one for you? How did you know that you've found 'the one?'

[the lords sheep]

I went on my first visit, and I just wasn't sure: there were a lot of things that I was battling and I was very restless in my soul. But I continued to take things to prayer and just tried to sit with it for awhile.
When I finally sat and talked with my SD, he asked me to just go through the weekend: what I thought, felt, what I thought about the charism. As I was talking, I just kind of blurted out: I feel like I could have written this charism! I was a bit surprised hearing myself say it. My SD just looked at me and said, "That is something significant. You need to take it to prayer."
About a year later, after visiting with the Sisters often, I was frustrated with the Lord for not revealing His will to me. I asked Him, "Why can't I figure out what you want from me?" And in my heart, the Lord replied, "Because you've only said maybe." So, I said Yes, to whatever He would have planned for me, and I wrote a letter 1 month later requesting entrance for this next fall.

I can only tell you my story. I can't tell you why it's right, or how exactly I know, or how I'm certain (because I'm not) or how God will speak to you. Only you will know when it's right. It's a movement of your heart, a tugging, a gentle whisper.

Some people know instantly. Others need more time to come to terms with it all. Both ways are okay, because God knows our hearts, and He knows what we need to answer Him.

When God's timing is right, when it's the right place, you'll know. Trust what your heart is telling you: listen to your heart, because God is speaking through those desires.

God bless you!
Lauren

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='AbsconditaInDeo' post='1854408' date='May 1 2009, 03:45 PM']For those of you who are entering a convent or monastery, how did you know your community was the right one for you? How did you know that you've found 'the one?'[/quote]

A good sister once told me, "You know when you're professing your Final Vows." She said this in regards to discernment, but I find it applicable here, too.

A few years ago I had entered a community that I had thought without a doubt to be "the one" -- the charism, the Marian vow, the formation, etc. It's everything I thought I had wanted, and I knew God had put these desires in my heart for a reason...so, I thought "This has to be It!" and I said "Yes!" immediately.

Everything happened really quickly: I entered a little over a month after having first visited, and within two years I had already professed temporary vows. However, it seems our Good Father has other plans for me in regards to which community He wants me in. I know I still have the desire for a completely Marian life, but I also know now that I desire a more austere form of poverty and penance. So, my past experience in religious life has taught me something I didn't know before! (As well as many other things, of course.) I give these desires to Christ and Our Blessed Mother and am letting [b]them[/b] choose where they want me to be... instead of the other way around! I wanted so much to be His Spouse and as soon as possible that I just jumped in as soon as the opportunity came that matched [i]my[/i] "list" of what [i]I[i/] wanted in a community.

And how will I know the next community I enter will be "the One"? I trust Our Lady will let me know. However, I am trying to be more cautious and prudent. And of course, when I make Final Vows....then I'll know!

[AbsconditaInDeo]

[quote name='the lords sheep' post='1854633' date='May 1 2009, 08:30 PM']Only you will know when it's right. It's a movement of your heart, a tugging, a gentle whisper.[/quote]

Thank you for sharing your story and your wonderful advice. I've been wondering how the Lord will let me know when I've come across the community that is meant for me and your advice really makes sense. Thank you so much, Lauren!

[AbsconditaInDeo]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' post='1855441' date='May 2 2009, 01:13 PM']A good sister once told me, "You know when you're professing your Final Vows." She said this in regards to discernment, but I find it applicable here, too.

A few years ago I had entered a community that I had thought without a doubt to be "the one" -- the charism, the Marian vow, the formation, etc. It's everything I thought I had wanted, and I knew God had put these desires in my heart for a reason...so, I thought "This has to be It!" and I said "Yes!" immediately.

Everything happened really quickly: I entered a little over a month after having first visited, and within two years I had already professed temporary vows. However, it seems our Good Father has other plans for me in regards to which community He wants me in. I know I still have the desire for a completely Marian life, but I also know now that I desire a more austere form of poverty and penance. So, my past experience in religious life has taught me something I didn't know before! (As well as many other things, of course.) I give these desires to Christ and Our Blessed Mother and am letting [b]them[/b] choose where they want me to be... instead of the other way around! I wanted so much to be His Spouse and as soon as possible that I just jumped in as soon as the opportunity came that matched [i]my[/i] "list" of what [i]I[i/] wanted in a community.

And how will I know the next community I enter will be "the One"? I trust Our Lady will let me know. However, I am trying to be more cautious and prudent. And of course, when I make Final Vows....then I'll know! [/quote]

Laetitia crucis, I admire your docility to the Lord's calling during your discernment. I hope you don't mind me asking, but how/what made you realize that you weren't in the right community when before you thought you had found "the one?" I hope that's not too personal of a question. Thank you so much for your input

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='AbsconditaInDeo' post='1854408' date='May 1 2009, 12:45 PM']For those of you who are entering a convent or monastery, how did you know your community was the right one for you? How did you know that you've found 'the one?'[/quote]

read a lot online, and learned about the different charisms. visited a very contemplative community, then a very active one, then others in between. also met with the diocese. remained active in Church activities, ministries, young adult groups, retreats, Sacraments, etc. i started to see myself clearer, including what fit me better.

when i decided that i was ready to enter religious life, i made a list of the top 5 communities i liked. listed pros and cons for each one. now i could see that it came down to 2-3. made more contact and longer visits with them. spiritual director helped me to eliminate one, which left 2. i chose one and went with it. turns out it wasn't for me. that left one. the more i learn about myself and the more i learn about them, the more i see they fit me hands down over the others. i didn't see this at first, but God knew it all along. i guess He wanted me to really explore and compare first because He knew my personality.

so for me, the process of elimination helped to close a lot of doors one by one, and each one felt like a huge weight was lifted and gave me much joy. as uncertain as the journey was when i started, God was always directing, so long as i remained open to whatever He brought my way.

[tinytherese]

Now so far I've only visited one community and I'll be visiting another towards the end of this month, but the first prioress at the first community gave me helpful tips.

When deciding if one should enter a community one should be able to pray well there, eat well there (meaning be able to handle to food and function from consuming it,) sleep well, and that one has a balance of heart and head. Someone who is all heart and very little if any head has a very romantic view of the life and community to the point where they are not being realistic, are just stuck with their head on cloud nine not paying attention to what truly is important apart from that. These people last a very short time in the community because then reality kicks in. Those who are all head and very little if any heart analyze and analyze and analyze to a point where they are too careful about entering the right community but don't miss out on the big picture on what would truly satisfy them. So there needs to be a balance of both heart and head for we have both a heart and a head and need both a heart and a head. They need to be in harmony. Both compliment each other and are very important in the discernment process.

When I visited that first community (The Benedictines of Mary Queen of the Apostles) I was told to wait at least two weeks after my visit was completed to contact the prioress. It was to give me time to take in everything from the visit and to adjust to the world again. In this way I could think more clearly on the matter. I decided not to enter after all but I don't for one moment regret visiting them.

[srmarymichael]

[quote name='AbsconditaInDeo' post='1854408' date='May 1 2009, 02:45 PM']For those of you who are entering a convent or monastery, how did you know your community was the right one for you? How did you know that you've found 'the one?'[/quote]

This article might help you!

[url="http://vocation-network.org/blog/vocationcitings_blog/2009/05/wild_horses_could_not_keep_me_away"]http://vocation-network.org/blog/vocationc...ot_keep_me_away[/url]

I believe the most important thing is to say yes to God for whatever He wants (like someone said above). If you are having trouble trusting God or saying yes, then pray for the grace to do that! Be open to whatever God leads you to, and He WILL lead you!

Jesus, I Trust in You!

[littlesister]

Keeping the heart and head in harmony is very good advice.

Put simply, the community for you is the one where everything f-i-t-s, the one where you are at home.

[AbsconditaInDeo]

[quote name='srmarymichael' post='1857505' date='May 4 2009, 01:00 PM']This article might help you!

[url="http://vocation-network.org/blog/vocationcitings_blog/2009/05/wild_horses_could_not_keep_me_away"]http://vocation-network.org/blog/vocationc...ot_keep_me_away[/url]

I believe the most important thing is to say yes to God for whatever He wants (like someone said above). If you are having trouble trusting God or saying yes, then pray for the grace to do that! Be open to whatever God leads you to, and He WILL lead you!

Jesus, I Trust in You![/quote]

Beautiful article, Sister! Thank you so much!

[VeniteAdoremus]

Tinytherese, that's very good advice!

I went to several communities and just knew that it wasn't them. I liked them well enough, but could never see myself there. Then I met the Servants of the Lord and the Virgin of Matara - I loved the sisters, liked the apostolate, and also their formation process etc. There were a couple of things I didn't like as much (for example, in the mission houses they don't have a very strict daily schedule, they often have to adjust the time for Vespers, to name one thing, if the apostolate requires it), but I thought "well, you can't have everything".

Then my friends forced me to go on a visit that had already been planned for months, I walked into the chapel there, and the rest, as they say, was history There are still some things I don't like (with the SSVM at least I knew that *some* sisters were in my country, even if I was sent elsewhere, here I am likely to be stuck in England indefinitely), but somehow they're just not relevant anymore. Everything *fit*. As Tinytherese said, I ate, I slept, I prayed, I bantered, talked the ears off the novice mistress (fortunately the veil kept them in place), cleaned every window within reach, asked for papers, and everything was peachy.

Unfortunately I had to go back to the Netherlands to graduate

These sisters also told me to wait two weeks. So I wrote my letter in chapel, put it in my bag, went home, talked to my parents and best friend, and then sent it off.

[srmarymichael]

[quote name='AbsconditaInDeo' post='1857976' date='May 4 2009, 08:58 PM']Beautiful article, Sister! Thank you so much![/quote]

You're welcome!

God is so good and so full of surprises!

[Nunsense]

Actually - I now know what Mother Teresa meant by "She knows. She knows."

I know now. Praise God.

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='AbsconditaInDeo' post='1856479' date='May 3 2009, 02:10 PM']Laetitia crucis, I admire your docility to the Lord's calling during your discernment. I hope you don't mind me asking, but how/what made you realize that you weren't in the right community when before you thought you had found "the one?" I hope that's not too personal of a question. Thank you so much for your input [/quote]

No worries, it's not too personal, and well, I'd probably want to know the same thing.

To answer your question, I would have to say I think my superiors knew before I did. Or if I did know it beforehand, I really didn't [i]want[/i] to know it -- I hope that makes sense.

Throughout my experience with that order, I kept telling myself like VeniteAdoremus said, "Well, you can't have everything". So I "settled" and would push these things aside telling myself they were just "temptations against my vocation here," but now that I'm able to see more objectively, I don't think those were temptations at all.... I so longed for a life of more austere poverty and penance. Also, I desired a stricter schedule (one, like VeniteAdoremus mentioned, that wouldn't change to fit the apostolate), to sing all the liturgy, more contemplation, etc. So, now I have the chance to further investigate these "temptations". I mean, God wouldn't put these desires in one's heart without a reason, would He? Perhaps I'm in for a big surprise.

Please pray for my discernment.

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='nunsense' post='1860586' date='May 7 2009, 08:43 AM']Actually - I now know what Mother Teresa meant by "She knows. She knows."

I know now. Praise God.[/quote]

Blessed be God! I'm so happy for you, nunsense!! You've been in my prayers.

[VeniteAdoremus]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' post='1860605' date='May 7 2009, 04:31 PM']No worries, it's not too personal, and well, I'd probably want to know the same thing.

To answer your question, I would have to say I think my superiors knew before I did. Or if I did know it beforehand, I really didn't [i]want[/i] to know it -- I hope that makes sense.

Throughout my experience with that order, I kept telling myself like VeniteAdoremus said, "Well, you can't have everything". So I "settled" and would push these things aside telling myself they were just "temptations against my vocation here," but now that I'm able to see more objectively, I don't think those were temptations at all.... I so longed for a life of more austere poverty and penance. Also, I desired a stricter schedule (one, like VeniteAdoremus mentioned, that wouldn't change to fit the apostolate), to sing all the liturgy, more contemplation, etc. So, now I have the chance to further investigate these "temptations". I mean, God wouldn't put these desires in one's heart without a reason, would He? Perhaps I'm in for a big surprise.

Please pray for my discernment. [/quote]

Yay! You had it too! I'm not mad!

To be absolutely clear: I don't think there's something wrong in principle with changing the schedule times to fit the apostolate (especially not if you do get in all the prayer time, even if it's ten at night - SSVMs are hard core). Missionary orders especially have to [i]be there[/i] when the Lord comes calling in the shape of a child or destitute person. But I wouldn't be able to pull it - I need a lot of structure.

Laetitia, maybe you should take a look at my congregation

[InHisLove726]

I've been holding off on replying here because I've posted my story so many times! LOL!

The way I knew was I really loved the community. I mean, I thoroughly enjoyed everything. I was able to sleep well (better than at home!), eat the food, and talk as if I knew the Sisters all my life. I felt so comfortable there. I felt like I could really grow and be part of something beautiful.

The first day I knew was when I was in Chapel, and the Sisters were preparing for Sunday Mass. They stepped outside the doors and put their cream-colored mantles on. I don't know why, but I started to cry because of how beautiful they looked. Then we sang a song during Mass about discipleship and I could feel the Lord tug on my heart, and again, I started to cry. Then, when I was in Adoration, that Sunday right before I left, I just knew, spiritually, that this is where God was calling me. It was a perfect fit, and everything was right (well maybe not everything; but it was very close!).

On the way to the airport, the novice mistress asked me if I would like an application and if I would like to enter. I was really stunned because the first community that I ever visited (which was the same order, just a different province) told me it would not be possible to enter because I had a history of depression, but when I wrote the novice mistress before my visit, she seemed very enthusiastic. I couldn't answer right away because of the shock of it all. I told her I would contact her. So, I got my bags, gave her a huge hug, and walked into the airport. I went through security, and then I had to go to the bathroom because I could feel the happiness almost burst out of me. I wanted to shout for joy! But it came out in happy tears. I had a huge smile on my face! I just really wanted to get home and write her an email requesting an application.

I got home and went to sleep to see if the excitement faded, but it didn't and I wanted more than anything to be back there again. So I sent her an email. It took about a week to get to my house, which was ample time to see if I really wanted to do this. I talked to my SD that same week while waiting, and he agreed that this was THE place after I explained it to him. So I got the application (with teary eyes; I'm a hopeless romantic), and put in my drawer for a week. I guess I wanted to see if it wasn't just my imagination. I went to Adoration and prayed VERY hard to make sure it wasn't a "spur-of-the-moment" decision and that I really thought it through. Well, to make a long story short, I filled it out, got my autobiography written, and sent it back. I felt very confident about it.

About a week later, I got an email from the novice mistress telling me she had gotten my application, and would I like to work in the Children's Home to pay off my debts? I passed it up at first because I was worried about moving away from home. But then the Provincial Superior emailed me and it became clearer that this would only be temporary. I could feel Jesus tell me this was right, so I agreed. I'm leaving in 8 more days!!! Though I haven't heard about whether or not I'm accepted, there is really no doubt in my mind that says it will happen otherwise. I just hope that I can get my debts paid off so that I can enter this fall if it's God's will. I'm so excited!!!!

And, I too, know what Mother Teresa of Calcutta meant by:

"She knows. She knows."

[shadowedseraph]

I just wanted to say how inspiring this is for someone who hasnt found that perfect community yet, that the right one is out there thanks peeps!

[AbsconditaInDeo]

I agree. Thank you all so much

[srmarymichael]

Just my insight -- as a Sister of almost 16 years....

Please do not judge a Community on whether they change the schedule for the apostolate. Sometimes it is necessary. For example, part of our apostolate is teaching in Catholic Schools. It's impossible for the teachers to keep the same schedule as here in the Regional House.

I ditto the above though -- You just know. I like to compare it to "knowing" when you meet the right man. I've heard married couples say, I knew he was the right one. I just knew it. (It fit.)

You guys are very inspiring! God's grace is pouring down upon this land! Accept it with gratitude!!!