I Wish I Was Dead

[dominicansoul]

Sometimes I wish I were already dead, or that I would contract a deadly disease and offer up my sufferings for the world...

Not because I don't like my life...

Just because I wish I can be with the Living God already (and my mom.)

Is this a mortal sin to think these thoughts and sometimes to feel this way???

[CatherineM]

We should certainly long for the day we are re-united with Christ and our loved ones in eternity. Just remember that Life is the gift God has given us. To hurry it to its end isn't being grateful for the gift we have been given. There is a fine line about when our thoughts become sins. We are often not responsible for, as an example, lustful thoughts that come into our heads. What we do with those thoughts determines whether they are a sin or not. If we recognize them, and consciously attempt to remove them, then they aren't sinful. If we allow the thoughts to linger, or encourage them, or act upon them, that's a different matter.

I don't think there is a person who has a chronic illness, or chronic pain who hasn't once thought when laying down at night how nice it would be to simply not wake up in the morning. I was at a bus stop once with an 80 year old man who was actually ranting about how angry he was that he had woken up that morning. My father has been gone for 23 years. There are times I miss him very much and wish I could see him again. I also know that is the last thing he would want for me. He would want me to live a long and happy life. That's what every parent wants for their children.

Perhaps you should pray to St. Damien of Molokai. He didn't go to the lepers so that he could catch the disease to offer it up. He went to help. We can always offer up our good works.