I'm So Frustrated....

[trustandgratitude]

I have been discering a religious vocatio for a few years and over that time I have become more and more convinced that my call is to give myself completely to Jesus in the contemplative life. Last year I was diagnosed or rather rediagnosed with epilepsy that is now under control with medication. My siezures are "partial" and "complex partial" meaning the are minor brief staring spells. When I mention epilepsy to any community I emmediately get a door slammed in my face, gently but slammed. I have prayed that God would remove this desire from my heart but it still remains. Can anyone suggest any thing to do or say when approaching communitys? This seems like such a minor thing to me and to most everyone I know. Does anyone know of any order off hand that might be open to this "cross" that I have been given? I have learned alot over this past year and one thing that I can and will be working on for the reat of my life is surrender.

[Saint Therese]

Are you discerning active or contemplative life?

[InHisLove726]

Please forgive me if I'm mistaken, but you are a woman, are you not?

Have you thought about looking into Visitation orders? Generally, most of the Visitation orders are more accepting of physical orders, as long as you are mentally healthy. There are no rigorous penances, and it's a contemplative vocation. If you are interested, I can post some links to some websites of orders in the United States.


Otherwise, I know this must seem like such a difficult cross to bear, especially when it seems all the doors are being closed on you for a reason that you cannot control beyond medication. But you must consider that God put this desire into your heart for a good reason! As long as you are seeking out religious life with good intentions and are not trying to run away from anything, He understands and appreciates that you desire to serve Him. May I suggest that you read a book I am reading now, called, "I Believe In Love." This book was recommended to me when I was going through a very difficult time, and I have just now started reading it. It's incredible. One of the most important lessons I've learned from it is that God does not count our successes or failures. He appreciates the sincere effort given. When He judges us at the end of our life, love is what matters most.

I think it would be a great idea for you to take a silent retreat. Maybe you might consider a "Desert Experience" retreat with the Visitation Nuns in Mobile, AL?

http://www.visitationmonasterymobile.org/HTMLcode/Desert.htm

It might help to get your bearings and re-evaluate why and how you are discerning. I'll be praying for you! God bless.

[trustandgratitude]

I'm sorry I guess I was not very clear in my post but yes I am a women and thank you for the book request. Yes I am looking into the contemplative life and have just discovered the Visitation order.

[InHisLove726]

Here is the book I mentioned on Amazon:

[url="http://www.amazon.com/Believe-Love-Personal-Retreat-Teaching/dp/1928832288"]I Believe in Love: A Personal Retreat Based on the Teaching of St. Therese of Lisieux[/url]

If you need assistance finding the different Visitation orders, please let me know. I already linked you to one (Mobile, AL).

[organwerke]

Maybe you could ask a monastry to live a period with the nuns as an "external person" so that they can evaluate if your health is compatible with their way of life? I think that some monastries would accept this, a sort of "test period".
Anyway I understand your frustration and I am really sorry for you.
I must confess that sometimes I find that the ways of God are really a mistery...
there are people, for example, who would be perfect as parents...and they can't have babies! people who strongly desire to totally belong to God...and they can't...
This is strange, sometimes it has also a sort of bitter irony...but I think, I'm really convinced that every thing has its explanation in the wonderful Planes of God.
So, I pray for you, I hope with all my heart that you can fulfill your desire.
I'd also say: don't give up, don't give up! Tell this to God: God, You, and not me, have inspired such a desire in my heart...You have to show me where I can fulfill your desire!!
I'm sure He will answer to you...
A last consideration: do you know that one of the sisters of Little Therese of Lisieux tried FOUR times to enter a convent...before she could finally be defitively accepted? This could be increase your hope!
God bless you, I pray

[Indwelling Trinity]

Just a note.... The Benedictine Sisters of Jesus Crucified take women who have some physical disabilties. Many Years ago I met their fouundress and if I am correct she was deaf ? possible mute I am not sure of the second. I know I had to write on a small blackboard for her in order for her to understand me. They are a contemplative Order and I believe still have a house here in the United States. Maybe you can google them.

I hope this helps some.

I will be praying for you,

Tenderly,

Indwelling Trinity

[sistersintigo]

HI, Trust and Gratitude, I am something of a lurker here myself.
I am on a first-name basis with a contemplative group. Here's some basics:
Contemplative, Dominican, Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland, Maine. Unusually inclusive and open.
Their superior is Sr. Renata OP, she would respond to vocation inquiries. Tell her Melanie sent you.

Here is more info; on this page you must scroll down to about the middle to find them.

http://www.portlanddiocese.org/info.php?info_id=72

They are the Dominican Sisters of the Community of the Resurrection. Wishing you the best, Melanie

[Luigi]

Benedictine Sisters of Jesus Crucified:
http://www.benedictinesjc.org/aboutUs.html

Click on the History link; it explains that the order was founded for women with frail health or disabilities.

[Indwelling Trinity]

You might also pray for the intercession of The newly Canonized Sait Rapheal Baron. He was in and out of a Trappist Monastery four times Because he had Diabetes. In his last entrance he had to enter as a lay Brother, yet with Total humiltiy and abandonment he surrendered Himself to God and is Now counted with all those raised to the Altars.

Who knows, Maybe the Trappists will be more open after His Canonization?

In some ways I understand your frustration having been unable to enter a hermit commjunity directly of Carmelite Hermits because of MS and a hearing loss. However they were open to recieving me into Their community as an associate member, with full vows. Nevertheless, feeling called to the Carmelite lifestyle, i have had to think outside of the box so to say and listen intently to what God was calling me too.

I can only tell you that the beginnings of a new carmelite cloistered community is in it's founding stages, not only for healthy and young but also for older vocations...laughing, those over 35 and those with less than perfect health. But the focus is Not on health but rathe on others, so that in silence and solitude and a deep unceasing prayer we live as a scarifice of praise to God in atonement for a world that has all but forgotten God by giving ourselves completely to God in the silence and solitude of the hermitage with a balance of healthy communual aspects.

Yes, still in seed form, it continues to evolve.

I am praying you may find the place God has prepared for you wherever that may be. Please pray for us.

Tenderly,

Indwelling Trinity

[littlesister]

The Benedictines of Jesus Crucified are in Connecticut. Because of age and numbers, etc., they are not presently receiving candidates who have heavy physical needs, but a fairly well-regulated seizure disorder may not be a problem. They are the most joyful and welcoming group you could ever want to meet.
Be assured of my prayers, and please keep us posted on your journey!

[genesisweavers]

[quote name='littlesister' date='14 October 2009 - 07:19 PM' timestamp='1255558762' post='1985372']
The Benedictines of Jesus Crucified are in Connecticut. Because of age and numbers, etc., they are not presently receiving candidates who have heavy physical needs, but a fairly well-regulated seizure disorder may not be a problem. They are the most joyful and welcoming group you could ever want to meet.
Be assured of my prayers, and please keep us posted on your journey!
[/quote]

[genesisweavers]

There's another group of Benedictines (contemplative) in Petersham Massachusetts. I know that if everything else was ok with your application - seizures would not be an obstacle. They chant the entire Divine Office in Latin Gregorian. Their monastery is adjacent to St Mary's Monastery (monks). The two communities share the same church and they chant antiphonally. It's a very nice place. Saint Scholastica Priory - Petersham, Massachusetts.

your brother
john

p.s. - not sure if I should share this - one of the monks has a severe seizure disorder so you would have a very sympathetic confrere...

[trustandgratitude]

[quote name='genesisweavers' date='15 October 2009 - 04:16 AM' timestamp='1255598206' post='1985778']
There's another group of Benedictines (contemplative) in Petersham Massachusetts. I know that if everything else was ok with your application - seizures would not be an obstacle. They chant the entire Divine Office in Latin Gregorian. Their monastery is adjacent to St Mary's Monastery (monks). The two communities share the same church and they chant antiphonally. It's a very nice place. Saint Scholastica Priory - Petersham, Massachusetts.

your brother
john

p.s. - not sure if I should share this - one of the monks has a severe seizure disorder so you would have a very sympathetic confrere...
[/quote]

[trustandgratitude]

Thank you, John. It is funny that you should mention them I just sent a letter to them as their website is down. I feel very drawn to the Benedictines, Latin and Gregorian and plus in my book. Abott Justin, from Covington LA, whom I just met also suggested them as an option. I hope to hear from them but I have also found that there is a difference in acceptablity between mens communities and womans, women seem to think thier life is harder or something.
I thank everyone for thier encouragement, it is so hard not to become discoraged after so many obstacles.

[osapientia]

[quote name='trustandgratitude' date='15 October 2009 - 10:43 AM' timestamp='1255614231' post='1985809']
Thank you, John. It is funny that you should mention them I just sent a letter to them as their website is down. I feel very drawn to the Benedictines, Latin and Gregorian and plus in my book. Abott Justin, from Covington LA, whom I just met also suggested them as an option. I hope to hear from them but I have also found that there is a difference in acceptablity between mens communities and womans, women seem to think thier life is harder or something.
I thank everyone for thier encouragement, it is so hard not to become discoraged after so many obstacles.
[/quote]

I know the Petersham communities very well and I personally know the brother to whom genesisweaver is referring. One of the most lovely (although difficult in some degree of course) things I've ever seen is the way the monks care for this dear brother before, during and after his seizures. No one, of course, can speak for any community but their experience with and love for this brother (which applies to the nuns as well as the monks) just might make them more open to the possibility of having you with them. They are lovely and hands down my absolute favorite communities (for very good reason, I assure you <smile>).

I had the privilege of becoming acquainted with Superior of The Sisters of Jesus Crucified a number of years ago, although their name does not reveal it, they are Benedictine - in fact the Petersham community (the nuns I believe) were instrumental in them becoming affiliated with the international Subiaco Congreation of Benedictines. This is also a very lovely community.

God bless and keep you always.

Peace,
osap

[Starets]

Yes, definitely talk with the superior of St. Scholastica's in Petersham. I visited st. mary's, their sister community (brtother community?) before coming here to Christ in the Desert. We have a new Postulant whoi is epileptic so I know it can be done. I had a similar problem when I was blind. Keep persevering

[slisa]

[quote name='trustandgratitude' date='14 October 2009 - 01:54 PM' timestamp='1255542869' post='1985195']
I have been discering a religious vocatio for a few years and over that time I have become more and more convinced that my call is to give myself completely to Jesus in the contemplative life. Last year I was diagnosed or rather rediagnosed with epilepsy that is now under control with medication. My siezures are "partial" and "complex partial" meaning the are minor brief staring spells. When I mention epilepsy to any community I emmediately get a door slammed in my face, gently but slammed. I have prayed that God would remove this desire from my heart but it still remains. Can anyone suggest any thing to do or say when approaching communitys? This seems like such a minor thing to me and to most everyone I know. Does anyone know of any order off hand that might be open to this "cross" that I have been given? I have learned alot over this past year and one thing that I can and will be working on for the reat of my life is surrender.
[/quote]

The Olivetan Benedictines would probably consider you, but they are monastic with an active apostolate. You may want to check out their website at olivben.org. Blessings on your search.

[trustandgratitude]

[quote name='InHisLove726' date='14 October 2009 - 02:30 PM' timestamp='1255545026' post='1985226']
Please forgive me if I'm mistaken, but you are a woman, are you not?

Have you thought about looking into Visitation orders? Generally, most of the Visitation orders are more accepting of physical orders, as long as you are mentally healthy. There are no rigorous penances, and it's a contemplative vocation. If you are interested, I can post some links to some websites of orders in the United States.


Otherwise, I know this must seem like such a difficult cross to bear, especially when it seems all the doors are being closed on you for a reason that you cannot control beyond medication. But you must consider that God put this desire into your heart for a good reason! As long as you are seeking out religious life with good intentions and are not trying to run away from anything, He understands and appreciates that you desire to serve Him. May I suggest that you read a book I am reading now, called, "I Believe In Love." This book was recommended to me when I was going through a very difficult time, and I have just now started reading it. It's incredible. One of the most important lessons I've learned from it is that God does not count our successes or failures. He appreciates the sincere effort given. When He judges us at the end of our life, love is what matters most.

I think it would be a great idea for you to take a silent retreat. Maybe you might consider a "Desert Experience" retreat with the Visitation Nuns in Mobile, AL?

http://www.visitationmonasterymobile.org/HTMLcode/Desert.htm

It might help to get your bearings and re-evaluate why and how you are discerning. I'll be praying for you! God bless.
[/quote]


In His Love, I have not really explored the Visitation order much but I did contact the Monasteery in Virginia and there response was less then excepting. They also told me they would not accet anyone with epilepsy. I have sent an email to the monastery in Mass. but I am still waiting on a reply and I am a little concerned that I may not have the right address since the only one on there website is for general information. Thank you for the link to the Mobile monastery and the suggestion of a retreat. Mobile is really not that far from here. I would appeciate the links.

[osapientia]

[quote name='trustandgratitude' date='16 October 2009 - 03:49 PM' timestamp='1255718994' post='1986538']
In His Love, I have not really explored the Visitation order much but I did contact the Monasteery in Virginia and there response was less then excepting. They also told me they would not accet anyone with epilepsy. I have sent an email to the monastery in Mass. but I am still waiting on a reply and I am a little concerned that I may not have the right address since the only one on there website is for general information. Thank you for the link to the Mobile monastery and the suggestion of a retreat. Mobile is really not that far from here. I would appeciate the links.
[/quote]


Since St. Scholastica's web site is down they might not have gotten your email. Would you consider writing to them snail mail? I had an email from the Prioress last night and I told them the site is down, they didn't even know it. They had scheduled getting some help to update it next week...it's possible that the person who is helping them took it down to work on it.

You can snail mail them at: St. Scholastica Priory, Vocation Director, 274 North Main Street, Petersham, MA 01366. In the meantime, I'll say a prayer for you.

Pax,
Osap