Kids

[Secuutus]

Let me know what you guys think. I don't personally think having kids are worth the whole "experience". I know it's sad but I just don't see myself with a family and the white picket fence. I have little cousins who are between the ages of 3 and 15. They are always running around, acting wild, and all that kid stuff. I just don't see why people, including my parents with how awful I was, would put up with it at all. I think I need a change of heart or I'm missing something. Any help?

[HisChildForever]

I made a thread like this awhile ago. I'm not interested in having children either, but I've learned to stay open to the possibility. I think it's important to think about [i]why[/i] you don't want to have children.

[rhetoricfemme]

Children were never on my agenda. When I told my mom that I was pregnant, she didn't believe me. She thought I was using a cuter way to tell her we adopted another cat...

Alas, my three month old son is the funniest person I know! He has his moments of screaming, and that's just about the most frustrating thing I've ever dealt with in my life, but he's entirely worth it. ... I can't think of anything else to say that wouldn't end up sounding corny, and I'm sure you've heard it before.

Just know that it's okay to not want kids, and if you end up having any, they'll blow you away in the best way possible.

[StColette]

I agree with HCF. Try to stay open to the idea of children, but definitely think about "why you don't want to have children." Not everyone is going to feel called to having children, especially while young and trying to figure themselves out lol. And then some people are going to naturally feel drawn to having children. There are other vocations than just the married life Children are hard work and yes they can really try your patience at times, but what they are and who they are is far greater than the hard work and the annoyances, if you're called to be a parent. I think men may have a greater difficulty in getting in touch with their paternal side. At least, it has been a common fact with many young men that I'm acquainted with. And for some people they can't imagine themselves being a parent until they actually are one. Some people just can't handle other peoples' children, but can handle any grief/trouble that their own kids throw at them.

Your parents, like mine, probably understood what it is to be a parent. It is to love another person in a completely selfless manner. To sacrifice without being guaranteed anything in return. That is how Christ loves. He loves unconditionally. He sacrifices without being guaranteed anything in return. That's probably what your parents felt. It's difficult to live that out for any parent, but it's what a parent is called to do. To love and sacrifice, to guide the growth of future Saints for God's kingdom.

No Vocation comes without its struggles and hardships. Marriage has them, Priesthood has them, Religious life has them, and Single life has them. There's no way to avoid life's difficulties. What you can do is focus on the good rather than on the bad. You do that with any vocation and what comes with that vocation. Most priests I know don't enjoy having to watch their parishioners pass away one after the other. They don't like having to be moved from parish to parish all the time, but it's part of being a diocesan priest. But those not so positive things don't outweigh what it is to be a priest to Baptize, to celebrate Confession, to Consecrate, etc.

[tinytherese]

Maybe you'll want children in the future, maybe you won't. For right now live in the present moment and don't worry about the future. Sometimes God doesn't want to reveal what He is calling us to do right now, but merely wants us to follow His will at the moment in other matters. Then in time He'll show you what you are meant to do.

As far as taking care of other people's children goes my mom didn't even like kids. She had babysat before and had siblings and cousins of her own as well. When she had me, my grandma was afraid to leave me with her. According to her, having your own children is entirely different from taking care of someone else's. She enjoys being a mom now and thankfully wasn't dissuaded by what she didn't like about taking care of other people's children. I also had a math teacher who said the same thing. She didn't like kids until she had her own. It was a totally different experience for her.

[zunshynn]

I think its similar when you think about the fact that, for some inexplicable reason, GOD thinks [i]we're[/i] worth it. Even though we're awful much of the time... He still loves us, takes care of us.

Edited October 26, 2009 by zunshynn

[Sojourner]

[quote name='zunshynn' date='26 October 2009 - 07:14 PM' timestamp='1256598881' post='1991736']
I think its similar when you think about the fact that, for some inexplicable reason, GOD thinks [i]we're[/i] worth it. Even though we're awful much of the time... He still loves us, takes care of us.
[/quote]


In another thread I quoted one of my favorite bloggers, Amy Welborn Dubriel, who writes on this topic:

[quote]Because when you have a child, you are helping to make a new person who will live, love and be in this world like no other person before or since ... who will set out on a unique journey, loved by and loving God – a journey that will take that child, you pray, into God’s presence forever.

Have children. Because as you get older you’ll see, in abashed humility (because of all the things you did wrong in their raising) that the most important, coolest thing you have ever done in your life is play whatever part God has graced you to play in setting interesting new people loose in God’s world. Everything else pales.

And this reason has nothing to do with your legacy or your name or your physical desires to be a mommy or daddy or your unfulfilled dreams or wishes. These children will someday leave you in the dust. Literally. It’s about the gift of them – not to you, even, but to God and God’s world.[/quote]

I am new to the whole "having children" game, and mine is currently pretty low-maintenance compared to what he will be in a few short months. But already I am starting to learn that having children is one way we learn to love as God loves us. There are many ways this can happen, but having children is unique because you not only love but you also play a role in bringing the being you love into existence, through an act of love.

Like others have said, there's nothing wrong with not getting to that point anytime soon. But your question was whether kids are "worth the experience," and I think they are. Unequivocally.

[Secuutus]

These are all gret reason, but I have another question. To be married, does that require children?

[zunshynn]

[quote name='Secuutus' date='26 October 2009 - 08:27 PM' timestamp='1256610470' post='1991852']
These are all gret reason, but I have another question. To be married, does that require children?
[/quote]

It requires being open to children.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Secuutus' date='26 October 2009 - 10:27 PM' timestamp='1256610470' post='1991852']
These are all gret reason, but I have another question. To be married, does that require children?
[/quote]
In order for a marriage to be valid, both husband and wife must be open to the possibility of children in the marriage, and in each marital act.

[Jaime]

i firmly believe that some folk should never be allowed to procreate.

[Archaeology cat]

Before having my son, I never thought I'd enjoy being a mother. I never enjoyed babysitting, or being around small children before. I was better with my nephews, but still didn't enjoy babysitting them all that much, to be honest. But with my own child, it's completely different. Yes, there are days I feel like screaming, usually if I've not slept or am feeling horrible and my son is also not feeling great. But at the same time, it's so completely worth it. I can't even begin to describe how I feel about my son, and my baby growing inside me. I would give anything to make sure they're safe and happy.

[quote name='StColette' date='26 October 2009 - 10:17 PM' timestamp='1256591867' post='1991701']
Your parents, like mine, probably understood what it is to be a parent. It is to love another person in a completely selfless manner. To sacrifice without being guaranteed anything in return. That is how Christ loves. He loves unconditionally. He sacrifices without being guaranteed anything in return. That's probably what your parents felt. It's difficult to live that out for any parent, but it's what a parent is called to do. To love and sacrifice, to guide the growth of future Saints for God's kingdom.

No Vocation comes without its struggles and hardships. Marriage has them, Priesthood has them, Religious life has them, and Single life has them. There's no way to avoid life's difficulties. What you can do is focus on the good rather than on the bad. You do that with any vocation and what comes with that vocation. Most priests I know don't enjoy having to watch their parishioners pass away one after the other. They don't like having to be moved from parish to parish all the time, but it's part of being a diocesan priest. But those not so positive things don't outweigh what it is to be a priest to Baptize, to celebrate Confession, to Consecrate, etc.
[/quote]


[quote name='zunshynn' date='27 October 2009 - 12:14 AM' timestamp='1256598881' post='1991736']
I think its similar when you think about the fact that, for some inexplicable reason, GOD thinks [i]we're[/i] worth it. Even though we're awful much of the time... He still loves us, takes care of us.
[/quote]

[Brother Adam]

Having children gives you insight into the Father's love for the Son as he was dying on the cross, and insight I do not believe people who do not have their own children can have. That insight in itself made it "worth it" for me to have children. Every smile, every giggle, everytime they learn something new and are proud of themselves, every hug & kiss, every little joy outweighs the times when they are being little terrors 100 fold.

[Winchester]

You should only buy them when they go on sale. Ware buying from Gypsies--they don't honor warranties.

[AccountDeleted]

I don't know how to comment on this thread. I adopted a seven year old girl who had been severely abused, whose father had been murdered and whose mother had rejected her in the most painful ways imaginable. We had several "good years" together, but when she became a teenager, all the pain and hurt of her life came to the surface in her, and she took it out on me and blamed me for everything, and then turned to her birth mother as her "savior". What can I say about children? I love her with all my heart and think that the good times were beyond belief, but the pain was more than I could possibly describe. We are estranged to this day, although she will write to me if she needs something. So is it worth it to have child? Maybe the question should be, what is God asking of us in this situation? Are we doing it for "parental gratification" or to give life or love to those whom God has entrusted to our care? I don't know, but as always, we need to ask God what His will is for us, and to trust that He loves us and knows what is best for our soul, whether we experience the reward in this life or the next.

It may not be "worth it" for us, but it might just be worth it for the child entrusted to our care. God alone knows.

Edited October 27, 2009 by nunsense