Cloistered Nuns

[Nunsense]

Zunshynn - I agree with you that although a live-in experience is important, the postulancy is also a live-in experience of its own. Thank you for your wonderful post.

In Wolverhampton I had no live-in experience, although they allowed them, because I was coming from overseas and knew that I wanted to be a Carmelite and didn't feel that I needed to go back home to wait and then return again. I don't think that a live-in would have changed what happend, but this kind of thing can't really be determined via hindsight. I stayed eight months and still love them so very much - I would have to say that I was basically "formed" at Wolverhampton. When I look back now on why I left, I am not sure that I did the right thing, but at the time it seemed right to me for what I was going through, so I can't second guess my decision now. One other woman did come for a 6 week live-in while I was there and although she decided not to return to Wolverhampton, she did enter later back in an Australian Carmel. She loved her time at Wolverhampton too but felt very Australian and wanted to be in an Australian Carmel. Culture sometimes plays a very significant part in feeling a "fit" with a community (although it is not always a problem and is just one factor in the whole discernment process).

At Edmonton I did a one week live-in before entering, and stayed two months. I was pretty sure after two weeks that this was not the right community for me, although they might be perfect for someone else, but I wanted not to make a hasty decision and to give it every possible chance of success. I have no regrets about my decision there as I still know that we were not a right fit for each other.

At Kirk Edge, they do no allow live-ins, so I entered as a postulant, and was there for 4 months and would have stayed forever if I had been allowed to. It was the Prioress in this case who decided that I was a not a right fit for them, so I must accept this as God's will as heartbreaking as it still is for me after four months away from them.


With the Hermits of Bethlehem, I spent two months doing a live-in before deciding that I was not called to be a hermit, and I needed more community life. I love them all though and stay in touch with Father Romano. And with Rosalind I spent two months living with four women as we discerned whether to join her community when it is finally approved. There, Rosalind and I mutually agreed that I was not a fit for an evangelical life despite my enormous respect for her and her work. I spent only one week doing a live-in with a newer community in Detroit, working with the homeless, but immediately I knew that I was not called to this very active apostolate, although I learned so much from my time there.

I think that one needs to be open to whatever experience the community is able to offer, and although a live-in would be fantastic, it does seem as if postulancy is really just another way of describing a live-in. I didn't see much difference between those times I was officially a "live-in" and those times I was officially a "postulant". Perhaps there might be less "guilt" attached to leaving after doing a live-in visit than after being a postulant, but that probably depends on the individual.

As a mother, I would definitely prefer that my daughter do a live-in visit, just so she doesn't feel constrained to stay if it doesn't feel right. But this just isn't always possible for some communities, so I think that the postulancy may be the only other option in some cases. It is a tough one, for sure but discerning a religious vocation is like discerning marriage, it is something that takes all of one's mind and heart and soul, and it is so important that one just has to accept that God is in control and to be open to His Will, even if it hurts sometimes.