Lisa Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 [quote name='apparently' timestamp='1301710792' post='2225416'] One Sunday morning da priest noticed a little boy standing out da foyer oven da church staring at a large plaque. da priest walked up Andy stood beside him Andy gazing up at da plaque, she said quietly, "Good Morning, son." "Good Morning, Father," replied da young man not taking his eyes off da plaque. " Father, what isn't this?" "Well son, these aren't all da people who have died out da service," replied da priest. Soberly, they stood together staring up at da large plaque. da little boy's voice barely broke da silence when she asked quietly, "Which service Father, da 8:15, da 10:30 or da 12:15?" [/quote]
NunMother Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 [color="black"][size="7"]Monastery[/size][/color][color="black"] [/color][color="black"][size="7"]Life[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]A young monk arrives at the monastery. [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He is assigned to helping the other monks [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]in copying the old canons and laws of the [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]church by hand.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He notices, however, that all of the monks [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]are copying from copies, not from the original [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]head abbot to question this, pointing out that [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]if someone made even a small error in the first [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]error would be continued in all of the subsequent [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]copies.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]The head monk, says, 'We have been copying [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]from the copies for centuries, but you make [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]a good point, my son.'[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He goes down into the dark caves underneath [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]the monastery where the original manuscripts [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]by and nobody sees the old abbot.[/size][/color][color="black"] [/color] [color="black"][size="5"]So, the young monk gets worried and goes down [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]to look for him. He sees him banging his head [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]against the wall and wailing.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]"We missed the [/size][/color][color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color][color="black"] [/color][color="black"][size="5"]![/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]We missed the [/size][/color][color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color][color="red"] [/color][color="black"]![/color] [color="black"][size="5"]We missed the [url="http://us.mc395.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=fu%25@#ing"]fu%@#ing[/url][/size][/color] [color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color][color="red"] [/color][color="black"]!"[/color] [color="black"][size="5"]His forehead is all bruised and he is [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]crying uncontrollably. The young monk [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]'The word was...[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="7"]CELEB[/size][/color][color="black"] [/color][color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color][color="black"] [/color][color="black"][size="7"]ATE[/size][/color]
AudreyGrace Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 [quote name='NunMother' timestamp='1301760784' post='2225456'] [color="black"][size="7"]Monastery[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="7"]Life[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]A young monk arrives at the monastery. [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He is assigned to helping the other monks [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]in copying the old canons and laws of the [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]church by hand.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He notices, however, that all of the monks [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]are copying from copies, not from the original [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]head abbot to question this, pointing out that [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]if someone made even a small error in the first [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]error would be continued in all of the subsequent [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]copies.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]The head monk, says, 'We have been copying [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]from the copies for centuries, but you make [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]a good point, my son.'[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]He goes down into the dark caves underneath [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]the monastery where the original manuscripts [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]by and nobody sees the old abbot.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]So, the young monk gets worried and goes down [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]to look for him. He sees him banging his head [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]against the wall and wailing.[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]"We missed the [/size][/color][color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]![/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]We missed the [/size][/color][color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color] [color="black"]![/color] [color="black"][size="5"]We missed the [url="http://us.mc395.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=fu%25@#ing"]fu%@#ing[/url][/size][/color] [color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color] [color="black"]!"[/color] [color="black"][size="5"]His forehead is all bruised and he is [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]crying uncontrollably. The young monk [/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="5"]'The word was...[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="7"]CELEB[/size][/color] [color="red"][size="7"]R[/size][/color] [color="black"][size="7"]ATE[/size][/color] [/quote] BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAA
Lisa Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 A young nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, there was a gas station just one block away. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up. The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car, two men watched her from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said: "I know that it is said that Jesus turned water into wine, but if that car starts, I'm going to church every Sunday for the rest of my life."
Not A Mallard Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 [quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1301843708' post='2225595'] A young nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, there was a gas station just one block away. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up. The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car, two men watched her from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said: "I know that it is said that Jesus turned water into wine, but if that car starts, I'm going to church every Sunday for the rest of my life." [/quote]
Lisa Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 [quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1301859553' post='2225682'] Celibate isn't spelled like celebrate though. [/quote] evidently they were REALLY bad copiers.
Nihil Obstat Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I checked it in Latin too, just in case, and that's even more different.
Lisa Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 [quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1301862027' post='2225693'] I checked it in Latin too, just in case, and that's even more different. [/quote] really??!?! Just laugh and enjoy. Here's another one, albeit a bit sketchy on the formation process, lol: John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to Catholicism. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic." The men were so relieved--now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved. The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent? The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."
MargaretTeresa Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 [font=arial, helvetica, tahoma, verdana, geneva, lucida,]One day a Baptist minister and a Catholic priest get into an argument about who is a better Pastor. They couldn’t settle this so their friend intervened saying, “Let them have a contest to see who’s really the best Pastor.” The contest is to take place at a church with a simple podium and alter. First they see who has the best prayer. The priest takes out incense prays elaborately and says some Latin. The preacher gets on his knees, throws his hands in the air and cries out to God. -It’s a tie. Next is the sermon. The priest takes out his Bible, kisses it and talks about the life of Christ. The minister takes out his Bible, reads verses and tells a fiery sermon. - Again they decide it’s a tie. Lastly, the friend says “Okay for the tie-breaker: the Lord’s Supper.” The minister looks up and says, “…I’m screwed.”[/font]
MargaretTeresa Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 [font=arial, helvetica, tahoma, verdana, geneva, lucida,]A North American cardinal decides he's going to migrate to Europe over the winter. When the time comes, he flies all the way to Italy. Upon getting there he lands next to a dove who says "You're all red and puffy, what kind of bird are you?" "I'm from America and I'm a cardinal" The dove replies, "Silly Americans, always thinking they're someone important.[/font]
MargaretTeresa Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 [font=arial, helvetica, tahoma, verdana, geneva, lucida,]Did you hear that the pope got the bird flu? He got it from the cardinals!!! lol[/font]
MargaretTeresa Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Last one for tonight! [font=Helvetica, Arial,]One day a Catholic a Baptist and a Methodist decided to go fishing. They got in there boat and pushed there way over to the middle of the lake. The Catholic Said, ''I forgot my hat" so he got up, got out of the boat and walked across the water. He came back and the Baptist said, " I forgot the fishing bait" so he got up, got out of the boat and walked across the water. He came back and the Methodist said, " I forgot the beer" so he got up, got out of the boat he was standing in the water then he sank. About that time the Baptist said, "Do you think it's time to tell him were the stepping stones are? [/font]
Not A Mallard Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 [quote name='MargaretTeresa' timestamp='1301891181' post='2225805'] [font=arial, helvetica, tahoma, verdana, geneva, lucida,]Did you hear that the pope got the bird flu? He got it from the cardinals!!! lol[/font] [/quote]
MargaretTeresa Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 [font=arial]What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic![/font] [font=arial] [/font] [font=arial] [/font] [font=arial] [/font] [font=arial] [/font] [font=arial]The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life. "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres ... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus. "Second?!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!" "No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."[/font]
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now