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Spiritual Directors


JulianofLdn

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JulianofLdn

A sort of pre-discernment thread, I guess, that I've put here because it doesn't fit in with the discernment thread also in this section.

Anyway, today I visited my priest because I had some big scary confession questions. After I'd finished with the scary part, I spoke to my priest about the possibility of getting a spiritual director. I was worried he'd think it was too early - I came back to the Church at the end of last year, am getting confirmed at Easter Vigil - but he seemed to think it was a good idea. Then he asked me if I'd like a Carmelite and said he'd speak to the Carmelite nuns at Notting Hill to see if they did spiritual direction. If not them, then maybe their chaplain (who is amazing!).

He said all of that, and I'm like [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/notworthy.gif[/img] and [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/dance4.gif[/img] because the Notting HIll nuns are amazing. They're the ones featured in the documentary 'No Greater Love' and they have a gorgeous monastery in the middle of London. Here:

[url="http://carmelitesnottinghill.org.uk/home.htm"]Clicky :)[/url]

I'm pleased as can be! I knew my priest liked the Carmelites very much - he sees them as the heartbeat of the Church - but I didn't think he'd think of them as potential spiritual directors. Hurrah!

Anyway, to make this into an actual thread and not just me cheering and dancing, I do have a question. The concept of a spiritual director is a new one to me, and I'm not sure what it entails. I'm sure it's different from person to person, but I was hoping that anybody here in VS who has (or has had) a spiritual director can share their experience.

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OnlySunshine

amesome! You are incredibly blessed. I have been having a lot of difficulty trying to find a regular spiritual director. I had one before, but he was not trained and didn't know what he was doing, so I ended it. Ever since then, I've been trying to find a trained one, but there is no one available in our diocese besides a Sinsinawa Dominican Sister and she is impossible to get a hold of, so I've given up on her. :(

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JulianofLdn

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1303143146' post='2229800']
amesome! You are incredibly blessed. I have been having a lot of difficulty trying to find a regular spiritual director. I had one before, but he was not trained and didn't know what he was doing, so I ended it. Ever since then, I've been trying to find a trained one, but there is no one available in our diocese besides a Sinsinawa Dominican Sister and she is impossible to get a hold of, so I've given up on her. :(
[/quote]

I'm sorry to hear that [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/sad.gif[/img]. Is there a University or College you live nearby, perhaps, and see if they have any resources to help you? Or maybe you could have a pen-and-paper relationship with another Sister somewhere else?

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OnlySunshine

[quote name='JulianofLdn' timestamp='1303144091' post='2229802']
I'm sorry to hear that [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/sad.gif[/img]. Is there a University or College you live nearby, perhaps, and see if they have any resources to help you? Or maybe you could have a pen-and-paper relationship with another Sister somewhere else?
[/quote]

I have universities nearby, but none of them have Catholic Student Unions or other groups with chaplains. The only group I know of is FOCUS which is only for members of the university. I am not going there yet. They do not have spiritual direction available, either. :(

I've considered a penpal type spiritual director, but I have no idea who to contact! :ohno:

Fortunately, my priest said he would be willing to help in very necessary types of spiritual emergencies or if I needed a letter of recommendation, but he is not able to be my regular director as he is the only priest of our parish and is VERY busy. It's too bad because he is so patient and understanding.

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It's never too early for spiritual direction- in fact, many lay people have them- not just people discerning/or in the religious life. The goal of spiritual direction is to focus on your relationship with God. For those of us discerning, it's also figuring out God's Will for our lives. This, of course, happens by deepening your prayer life, etc.


With my spiritual director (who is a Dominican priest), it kinda seems like we just get together and chat, but it's all very focused on prayer and discernment. For example, he'll ask what's been going on in my life/how classes are going, and then we'll talk about how that has affected my spiritual life (for the good or the bad). Sometimes he provides me with ideas for spiritual reading or suggestions on how to better focus on prayer.


It's amazing! Whatever your vocation in life is, spiritual direction is sooo helpful.

Edited by Lisa
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MargaretTeresa

I think I'm going to have to do the pen-pal thing. As soon as I figure something out, I'll let everyone know.

Pax and God bless.

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[quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1303147498' post='2229818']
It's never too early for spiritual direction- in fact, many lay people have them- not just people discerning/or in the religious life. The goal of spiritual direction is to focus on your relationship with God. For those of us discerning, it's also figuring out God's Will for our lives. This, of course, happens by deepening your prayer life, etc.


With my spiritual director (who is a Dominican priest), it kinda seems like we just get together and chat, but it's all very focused on prayer and discernment. For example, he'll ask what's been going on in my life/how classes are going, and then we'll talk about how that has affected my spiritual life (for the good or the bad). Sometimes he provides me with ideas for spiritual reading or suggestions on how to better focus on prayer.


It's amazing! Whatever your vocation in life is, spiritual direction is sooo helpful.
[/quote]

That's what me and mine do. He is also a Dominican priest. Sometimes I also feel like I'm being trained to be a Dominican, but I'm good with that because I want to be a Dominican. I :love: Dominican priests.

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In a nutshell, spiritual direction is about having a companion who is particularly attuned to such things as you learn to discern how God is moving in your life and calling you to grow.

And so it's never "too early" to be seeking a spiritual director. Is it too early to grow in your relationship with God? Hardly!

Maybe the direction of your growth will lead you to consecrated religious life. Maybe it won't. Either way is okay.

Some people want their SD to also serve as a confessor -- in that case it'd be important for the SD to be a priest. Obviously. Some people (including some SDs) think that's a BAD idea. (I think traditionally, in the monasteries, the SD and the confessor had to be different people. The idea was that each of those individuals would potentially exert a lot of influence over you, and if all that was concentrated in one person, the potential for abuse was too high. For those of us not in monasteries, the situation is different. But still, there can be something to be said for having different SDs and confessors.)

If your SD is not your confessor, then there's no reason why it has to be a priest. The Carmelite nuns you mention could be excellent. (And lots of monasteries regularly offer spiritual direction although they may not advertise it. That is definitely a ministry that is compatible with contemplative life. This has gone back for centuries. Even if they don't, they will not consider it a weird question.) There are also gifted and trained laypeople who are excellent spiritual directors.

And the first couple meetings can be a little nervewracking for a lot of people, because it's so new to most of us and you don't know what to expect. But basically you're talking about your life, spiritual and "otherwise" (because really, essentially it is all spiritual deep down) and learning to pray and learning to listen and there's really not much that you can do "wrong."

I'm reminded of a part of Fr. James Martin's excellent book "The Jesuit Guide to (almost) Everything" where he's talking about being a novice and being worried about a situation with his family but when it came time to meet with his spiritual director he didn't talk about that because after all I'm supposed to be talking about "spiritual" things.

The director, being no dummy, asked if there's something else going on that he wasn't mentioning. Well, yes, there's this other thing, but that's just pedestrian and normal life and I'm supposed to be talking about "spiritual" things, right?

Wrong. Because it's all spiritual. We can't just segment off some part of our life and stick it in a box -- we need to be able to unpack that box, gently, in the presence of God.

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TeresaBenedicta

My spiritual direction meetings usually start in one of two ways. My s/d will either say, "So, talk to me." Or "How's prayer?". If there's any chit-chatting, it happens before the opening prayer. But after we pray, it gets serious. Usually we dive straight into prayer unless there's something pressing or serious that has happened. Well, actually, lately, he asks about my fund raising progress and about my family. But the bulk of our meeting is spent on prayer (what's going on in prayer, difficulties, insights, etc) and on struggles in the spiritual life. He'll ask me what I'm reading for spiritual reading and direct me toward a certain book or theme. Some meetings are longer than others. Some are pretty short. It all depends. For the most part I determine what to talk about-- I pray before hand and put together a list of sorts and bring it with me to the meeting. Every once in a while he'll take charge of the meeting and we'll have a conversation that is mostly his asking questions.

I'll be honest... it took me about a year and a half of meeting regularly before our relationship (director-directee) really flourished. It took that amount of time to [i]really[/i] develop the sort of trust needed and for the two of us to [i]really[/i] get to know each other. Before then direction was certainly fruitful, and it was what I needed at the time... but as the relationship developed, it's become even deeper and more fruitful... I'm not doing a good job of explaining it. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be surprised if it takes a while before things feel like they're really moving.

There are some links I'm going to post when I get home that might be helpful.

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LaPetiteSoeur

[quote name='krissylou' timestamp='1303158590' post='2229909']

I'm reminded of a part of Fr. James Martin's excellent book "The Jesuit Guide to (almost) Everything" where he's talking about being a novice and being worried about a situation with his family but when it came time to meet with his spiritual director he didn't talk about that because after all I'm supposed to be talking about "spiritual" things.

The director, being no dummy, asked if there's something else going on that he wasn't mentioning. Well, yes, there's this other thing, but that's just pedestrian and normal life and I'm supposed to be talking about "spiritual" things, right?

Wrong. Because it's all spiritual. We can't just segment off some part of our life and stick it in a box -- we need to be able to unpack that box, gently, in the presence of God.


[/quote]

James Martin's book is excellent. I'm still halfway through because of all my school work, but maybe I could [i]finally[/i] finish it this summer...

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JulianofLdn

[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/like.gif[/img] I love James Martin's book! Mind you, I cried pretty much non-stop through the first set of chapters. I should probably read it again, this time without the tears.

TeresaBenedicta and krissylou: thank you very much for your replies. They were extremely helpful and I have a much better idea of what to expect now. It sounds really cool!

MargaretTeresa and MaterMisericordae: how about contacting one of the really active Dominican communities, even if they're further away? Maybe they can give you advice, if nothing else... (Apologies if you've already thought of that and know better than I why it's not a good idea!)

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MargaretTeresa

[quote name='JulianofLdn' timestamp='1303202176' post='2230123']

MargaretTeresa and MaterMisericordae: how about contacting one of the really active Dominican communities, even if they're further away? Maybe they can give you advice, if nothing else... (Apologies if you've already thought of that and know better than I why it's not a good idea!)
[/quote]

Thanks for the idea! I might do that...I mean, there's alway email, right? But should I look for a guy or gal? I have no clue in these things. (The closest female Dominicans are in Nashville...Unless the ones in Birmingham are actives, but I can't find a website...) :dunce:

Thanks again!

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OnlySunshine

[quote name='MargaretTeresa' timestamp='1303221994' post='2230154']
Thanks for the idea! I might do that...I mean, there's alway email, right? But should I look for a guy or gal? I have no clue in these things. (The closest female Dominicans are in Nashville...Unless the ones in Birmingham are actives, but I can't find a website...) :dunce:

Thanks again!
[/quote]

If you are talking about the Sister Servants of the Eternal Word in Birmingham, AL, they are semi-contemplative--meaning that they are not cloistered, but they are not as active as say the Nashville Dominicans because they have more time during the day to focus on prayer since their apostolate is retreats and not teaching. Their website can be found here:

http://www.sisterservants.org/

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[quote name='MargaretTeresa' timestamp='1303221994' post='2230154']
But should I look for a guy or gal? [/quote]

If it's important to you that your spiritual director also be your confessor then you want a priest. (Duh.) And as you are a Catholic -- that will be a guy (double duh.)

Other than that, and as long as they aren't, well, Unitarian or something (I met once with a SD who mentioned that if she hadn't been born Catholic she'd probably be Unitarian. ONCE was the operative word. That was, let's say, a "bad fit.") then it's all about who you "click" with.

If you just feel more comfortable confiding in a woman, then look for a woman, lay or religious. If you just feel more comfortable confiding in a priest (even though this is a different thing from confession) then you want a guy. If it really doesn't matter to you, then your options are open!

:priest: :nunpray: :amen:

(that third one is supposed to be a prayerful and trained layperson of either gender)

All can be :like:

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