What's The Preferred Title For A Non-Catholic To Use When Addressi

[cooterhein]

I've never met a Catholic priest or spoken to one in person. I've never sat through a Catholic Mass, either. Greek Orthodox, yes, so I have been clued in to some of the important things. (Ie..- trying to talk to someone about the distinction between transubstantiation and the RP while the deal is actually going down....generally not deemed acceptable).

This will change in about a week, though. One of my best friends is getting married, and I'm standing up in the wedding- a Catholic wedding. My friend comes from something of a mixed background- no one in his family is really serious about Christianity, but his dad's got a Catholic background and his mom goes to a Methodist church when she goes. None of them generally go anywhere on Sundays, but my friend tends to lean more Methodist.

He's marrying a girl from a Catholic family, though. She's a bit more serious about Catholicism than her siblings and maybe her parents too, but I'm sure their marriage will include very little in the way of actual church attendance. I think the goal is to try and duplicate what my friend's parents have- mixed backgrounds, limited participation in each type of tradition, and no one gets too upset about it because no one really cares either way.

Anyway, I'm sure I won't be spending a great deal of time talking to the priest next Saturday, but I might get introduced to him. If I do talk to him at all, I'm not sure what I should call him. I know priests tend to lead with the title of "Father So-and-so," but I'm not going to call him Father. There's a very simple reason for that.

He's not my father.

Yes, I know, he's a priest and he's celibate and he doesn't have any biological children to speak of. Of course he's not my literal father. Let me rephrase that.

He's not my father in any sense of the word.



What I'm looking for is some kind of alternative. I'd be willing to call him "brother," but I don't think he would be entirely appreciative of that. Is there some alternative to the usual title of "Father" that would be acceptable to both of us? I might be able to get by without calling him by any title, but I'd like to be prepared in case something comes up where it's necessary.

[faithcecelia]

A priest's official/legal(?) title is Reverand, would that work for you?

[cmotherofpirl]

Just curious, if you met a nun would you refuse to call her Sister so and so, since yo are not related to her?

[cooterhein]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1309545871' post='2261663']
A priest's official/legal(?) title is Reverand, would that work for you?
[/quote]Works for me. Would it work for him? Like if he says "Hello, nice to meet you," and I say "Nice to meet you, Reverend," is that normal for him?

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='cooterhein' timestamp='1309548614' post='2261682']
Works for me. Would it work for him? Like if he says "Hello, nice to meet you," and I say "Nice to meet you, Reverend," is that normal for him?
[/quote]
Sure it would, and since you are in the wedding he will probably introduce himself.

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='cooterhein' timestamp='1309548614' post='2261682']
Works for me. Would it work for him? Like if he says "Hello, nice to meet you," and I say "Nice to meet you, Reverend," is that normal for him?
[/quote]


I think they get called all sorts to be honest! I used to work in my parish office and anything 'official' (bills, etc) would ask for Reverand 'Joe Bloggs'.

[cooterhein]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1309548557' post='2261681']
Just curious, if you met a nun would you refuse to call her Sister so and so, since yo are not related to her?
[/quote]Remember how I said I'd be fine with calling a priest "brother"? (Only problem with it is he might not like is so much). I could call a nun "sister" on the same grounds- in some sense of the word, she is my sister.

By way of contrast, if a nun happens to go by the title "Mother Superior" or something similar, I would not be inclined to call her that. Same reason- she's not my mother. More to the point, she's not my mother [b]in any sense of the word.[/b] I think that last part's fairly important.

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1309548557' post='2261681']
Just curious, if you met a nun would you refuse to call her Sister so and so, since yo are not related to her?
[/quote]


This is also a slightly funny one, though. Many communities still use Mother for the prioress/abbess, but the official title is still Sister for paperwork etc. Although some sisters now choose to not use it at all, sticking with Miss or (shudder!) Ms! Personally, I loved being called Sister and can't wait to be so again

[cooterhein]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1309548683' post='2261683']
Sure it would, and since you are in the wedding he will probably introduce himself.
[/quote]Great! Good to hear. It's a new and largely unfamiliar kind of situation for me, so I'm hoping I can make it through without a major faux pas or party foul.

[cooterhein]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1309549095' post='2261689']
This is also a slightly funny one, though. Many communities still use Mother for the prioress/abbess, but the official title is still Sister for paperwork etc. Although some sisters now choose to not use it at all, sticking with Miss or (shudder!) Ms! Personally, I loved being called Sister and can't wait to be so again
[/quote]I could call you sister right now if you want.

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='cooterhein' timestamp='1309549455' post='2261692']
Great! Good to hear. It's a new and largely unfamiliar kind of situation for me, so I'm hoping I can make it through without a major faux pas or party foul.
[/quote]

Watch him with the booze - most of my priest friends have a bit of a reputation! There is a lovely parody of 'Dancing Queen' with the words 'Drink the most, spend the least, you are a Catholic priest'!!!
















Just to add, the priests themselves find this amusing too

[dUSt]

[quote name='cooterhein' timestamp='1309545672' post='2261662']
Anyway, I'm sure I won't be spending a great deal of time talking to the priest next Saturday, but I might get introduced to him. If I do talk to him at all, I'm not sure what I should call him. I know priests tend to lead with the title of "Father So-and-so," but I'm not going to call him Father. There's a very simple reason for that.

He's not my father.
[/quote]
If you addressed him as "Father" I don't think he would suddenly look at you and say, "What! I have a son!?!?", so I wouldn't worry about it. That's what you call priests, "Father". It's like a title.

I guess what I'm saying is I don't know why you have an issue with it. Would you refuse to call a doctor by his title unless it was your own doctor?

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='dUSt' timestamp='1309555326' post='2261741']
If you addressed him as "Father" I don't think he would suddenly look at you and say, "What! I have a son!?!?", so I wouldn't worry about it. That's what you call priests, "Father". It's like a title.

I guess what I'm saying is I don't know why you have an issue with it. Would you refuse to call a doctor by his title unless it was your own doctor?
[/quote]
Many non-Catholics have an issue with the title of Father. I didn't as a non-Catholic, but I know LOTS of people who do on principle. So, yeah, Reverand would do. Or no title at all if it isn't necessary-- "Nice to meet you." If you have to address him by name, "Hey! look out Fr. Jones, that beam is falling!!" you might want to s[b][/b]uck it up and call him by the name that will get his attention the fastest. (Hopefully that won't be necessary, though.)

[Basilisa Marie]

It's really no different from calling a Jew "Rabbi" or a Muslim "Imam." But if you're really, really feel uncomfortable with "Father," you could probably go with "Reverend," even though it's not really correct. Maybe you could even try to avoid calling him by his name? That might not be as hard as it sounds.

Edited July 1, 2011 by Basilisa Marie

[MIKolbe]

"Sir" works well, I suppose.

I know what you mean, though. When I met the Queen of England, I was all like "I ain't one of your subjects". So I just tilted my head back and said "sup, girl".

[dUSt]

You could always just call him "padre", and then just pretends he plays for the San Diego baseball team.

[CatherineM]

Padre, works. I often call them sir, a typical Southern term of respect.

[CatherineM]

I will tell you a story about people not wanting too/being comfortable with calling someone their preferred title. Katherine Hepburn was doing a play in London, and the Queen sent someone to ask if she could come back stage to meet her. Her response was that she would be pleased to meet "Mrs. Mountbatten." I'm told the Queen's assistant just about had a stroke sputtering that one did not call the Queen by that name. Kate told her that we had fought a war in order to stop having to recognize royalty. I understand they had a lovely private chat. I would have loved to have been in on it.

[MithLuin]

If you're not comfortable saying 'Father' for personal reasons, don't say it. I seriously doubt the priest is going to be upset if you never find an excuse to say his name and merely speak in generalities such as "Nice to meet you!"

Saying something like 'Mr. Smith' rather than 'Father Joe' will likely draw undue attention to the fact that you are studiously avoiding calling him 'Father.' That would be a bit of a faux pas.

The 'preferred term of address' is, of course, 'Father.' For Catholics or nonCatholics. I think that 'Reverand' is a nice compromise as it is an appropriate (though less common) form of address. It might make you stick out as a non-Catholic, but it wouldn't be considered rude nor draw attention to your view of Catholic priests, as it is a perfectly respectful form of address. If the priest in question is the pastor of the parish, you may also call him 'Pastor Bob' (or well, Pastor So-and-so). Priests are likely used to hearing that one from Protestants . [b]dUSt[/b]'s suggestion of 'Padre' is a bit informal (if no one there is a Spanish speaker), but might be a sufficient compromise for you.

Don't sweat it, though it was considerate of you to ask in advance in order to be prepared

[Brother Adam]

Exactly, it seems a bit asinine to refuse to call a person by their title out of respect and courtesy. Just because you are uncomfortable doesn't mean you should not have respect for them. You don't call Sister Joan "Sister" because she is your sister in some sense of the word but because she is a professed Catholic religious sister. I would still call a priest "Father" even when I was decidedly anti-Catholic because that is who they are known by, just like we call superstars by the names they chose instead of their birth names. I'll tell you one thing, calling Father "Reverend" is one sure way to not stay under the radar.