OnlySunshine Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Have you ever felt confused during the course of your discernment? Like you weren't sure if you were called or not and all the religious orders you looked at just made it worse? I think I have looked at too many in the course of these 4 years and in the last few months have had to withdraw from my discernment to focus more on my prayer life so that I could better prepare. But now, I'm really wanting to discern again. I'm seriously thinking about visiting an order this fall if I can raise the money in time for the retreat I want to go to.
faithcecelia Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Yes, yes and a thousand times yes! Until the day I entered Q, even though I had been in contact with them 2years, I changed my mind almost daily. Once they sent me away, I agonised over it and couldnt work out what else I could possibly do to get them to accept me again. Now I believe it all happened as it did because NH is where I am truely meant to be, but it has been unbelievably confusing getting to here! Who knows, it could all get more confusing over again...
OnlySunshine Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 [quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1314734291' post='2297584'] Yes, yes and a thousand times yes! Until the day I entered Q, even though I had been in contact with them 2years, I changed my mind almost daily. Once they sent me away, I agonised over it and couldnt work out what else I could possibly do to get them to accept me again. Now I believe it all happened as it did because NH is where I am truely meant to be, but it has been unbelievably confusing getting to here! Who knows, it could all get more confusing over again... [/quote] I can certainly understand that. I remember how confused I was when I applied to the Carmelite DCJ Sisters and found out I wasn't called there after all when I went to work in their apostolate before entering. I think it was probably the most confusing time of my life since I had such a wonderful time with the Sisters at the Motherhouse and then everything changed when I went to the convent in East Chicago. The Provincial Superior tried to explain to me that just because you feel at home in the Motherhouse, it doesn't mean that you are 100% called to that order. That just made it more confusing and I often wondered if I made the right choice in leaving, but really, it was the only option at the time. Now that event is behind me and I really try not to put so much stock into feelings and rely more on the mutual discernment between me and the order. If I do visit an order and think that I might like to discern more seriously, I would visit more than once to gauge whether or not I made the right choice. I think contact with the community is extremely important. I didn't keep regular contact with the community I applied to, so I didn't feel like I could really talk to them since they were like strangers. Not good at all.
arfink Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Yes, I am frequently confused. About everything. Which is probably my ADD. But on a more serious note, I was crushingly confused to the point of despair when I was told I could not continue on in seminary. It took me a very very long time to see God's hand in that one.
faithcecelia Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 [quote name='arfink' timestamp='1314737749' post='2297608'] Yes, I am frequently confused. About everything. Which is probably my ADD. But on a more serious note, I was crushingly confused to the point of despair when I was told I could not continue on in seminary. It took me a very very long time to see God's hand in that one. [/quote] I really can relate. I spent an awful long time thinking 'God, you had and still have my Yes, so whats going on???'
Strictlyinkblot Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Most definitely. I've been searching for about eight years. For such a long time I prayed to God to know where I belonged. I felt so restless, I longed to join an order but I felt no peace at the thought of joining at the same time. Mother Teresa was asked one time how did a woman know if she was called to the religious life. She simply answered 'She knows, in the depth of her heart she knows'. After eight years of prayers I finally feel some kind of peace and I'm pretty certain I'm called to religious life. Having said that I still change my mind on a regular basis.
TheresaThoma Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 At one point in my discernment I was very confused because I was torn between my love for engineering(math/sciences) and the pull I felt towards religious life. It took me some time to realize that my love for math and science are gifts from God, something that I should use no matter what my vocation is. I'm now trusting that He will lead me to where I can best put those gifts to use for Him.
Aya Sophia Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 If if I were old enough (I'm still a PM child, with this my fourth post) I'd love to start a thread on the nuts and bolts of discernment. In the meantime (until I grow up), here's a link I found a long ago from a Carmelite community website which presents the vocational discernment process in a lucid and simple way. Hope this is helpful . . . [url="http://www.lafayettecarmelites.org/god_calling.php"]http://www.lafayettecarmelites.org/god_calling.php[/url]
OnlySunshine Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 [quote name='TheresaThoma' timestamp='1314740884' post='2297625'] At one point in my discernment I was very confused because I was torn between my love for engineering(math/sciences) and the pull I felt towards religious life. It took me some time to realize that my love for math and science are gifts from God, something that I should use no matter what my vocation is. I'm now trusting that He will lead me to where I can best put those gifts to use for Him. [/quote] You might look at the Religious Sisters of Mercy. Many of the Sisters are medical doctors and your love of math and science would be put to good use there.
OnlySunshine Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 [quote name='Aya Sophia' timestamp='1314744360' post='2297649'] If if I were old enough (I'm still a PM child, with this my fourth post) I'd love to start a thread on the nuts and bolts of discernment. In the meantime (until I grow up), here's a link I found a long ago from a Carmelite community website which presents the vocational discernment process in a lucid and simple way. Hope this is helpful . . . [url="http://www.lafayettecarmelites.org/god_calling.php"]http://www.lafayette...god_calling.php[/url] [/quote] I believe I read that earlier in my discernment in 2009 when I was looking at Carmelite orders. I'm going to bookmark it so I can come back and read it when I need to. I also found this useful and I am thinking about contacting these Sisters again: [url="http://www.sistersofthemostholysoulofchrist.com/index-5.html"]Spiritual Direction Quotes from the Sisters of the Most Holy Soul of Christ[/url]
she_who_is_not Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 [quote name='TheresaThoma' timestamp='1314740884' post='2297625'] At one point in my discernment I was very confused because I was torn between my love for engineering(math/sciences) and the pull I felt towards religious life. It took me some time to realize that my love for math and science are gifts from God, something that I should use no matter what my vocation is. I'm now trusting that He will lead me to where I can best put those gifts to use for Him. [/quote] One of the Nashville Dominicans has a PhD in Math. I think her name is Sr. Nicolas. And one of the DSMMEs has a PhD in Engineering.
MaryJJD Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 (edited) oh yes. i've spent much time over the last four years being confused BUT its been worth it and helped me grow in ways I don't think I would've otherwise. I've taken a break for now, as there is nothing else I can do but wait, and the more I try to do things, the less able it seems I am able. Although I seem to know more about myself, I know less now about life etc than I thought I did-or perhaps, am more aware of how much I didn't know. That said, I am more peaceful now than I ever was, even in all this not-knowing whats going on. Confusing. Yep Edited August 31, 2011 by MaryJJD
Lisa Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I think everyone feels confused at some point- or at least I hope they do or else I'm more hopeless at this than I thought! Discernment, by definition, is trying to figure out Someone else's will for you. He doesn't always tell us straight out, but lets us experience life on our own before completely surrendering to Him. That means we will get confused; we won't hear him right. Sometimes, we'll even downright ignore what is right in front of us. It's because we live in a fallen world. Adam and Eve got to talk right to God- imagine how amesome that would be! He told them exactly what to do and what not to do, which they still ignored. To me, discerning is a bit like being a baby or a young toddler. They aren't quite old enough to exactly understand what their mother/father want for them, but sometimes they get a firm 'no' if they are going to get into something really bad. The rest of the time, their parents let them try things and learn on their own. And sometimes, they just get distracted and look from one person and thing to another, and then just need to be picked up and carried by mom/dad.
FutureSister2009 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I just feel confused about what Order do I really want to enter. I really want to enter my Franciscan Community but there is still a part of me that feels drawn to the SSVMS
inperpetuity Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Confusion? Oh yes, and finally figuring out that I'm the one who was confused, not God. I used to actually get frustratrated with Him! And, not only confused, but distracted, attached, mainly to myself, and well you get the point. An illness made me stop and pray more, particularly mental prayer, and daily. This is what helped me to trust God and know that He has accepted the offering of my life, so I am more content to wait for Him now. I just recently had a conversation with a sister who told me she was waiting for God to give her the green light before doing something. I knew what she meant. I guess this is what Mother Teresa was talking about. Apparently, some of us have to wait longer than others. I heard Him call at 27 and was determined to enter the convent by 28, I am now 47.
TeresaBenedicta Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Looking back at my entire discernment experience, I think that the times that I was most "confused" were the times when I was not trusting God. I was impatient, like a little child, who wanted to know [i]now[/i]! But once I settled down, focused on Jesus and growing closer to Him, and letting Him work in His own time... I was no longer confused. Granted, I [i]still[/i] didn't know, necessarily. But I was at peace with not knowing, trusting that God would make it clear when He so wanted. Once I was able to abandon myself into His loving arms in the here and now... the future didn't worry me so much. And once that happened, the future made itself clear.
OnlySunshine Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 One thing that has continued to present itself is the order that I applied to and ended discernment with back in 2009. The thought continues to arise in my mind of whether or not I should contact them again and ask permission for a second chance. So much has changed in these last 2 years and it makes me wonder if I would be able to persevere this time since I am back on my medication. I was not on the medicine the first time and things were very stressful for me. Even my nurse practitioner said when I returned last year that she believed I would return because she believed I had a chemical imbalance (which is the 2nd time I'd heard it). This is definitely something I cannot take lightly. I don't know if I have the courage to contact them again. I haven't heard from the Provincial Superior since I emailed her to tell her that I was repaying the amount for the airfare in January 2010. If only I had a spiritual director. Maybe I should talk to my Catholic therapist when I see her again on September 14th.
dells_of_bittersweet Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 It's human nature to occasionally be confused.
TheresaThoma Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 [quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1314749564' post='2297728'] You might look at the Religious Sisters of Mercy. Many of the Sisters are medical doctors and your love of math and science would be put to good use there. [/quote] You are the third person to tell me that I should look into the Religious Sisters of Mercy! I've met a couple of the Sisters and I've e-mailed the VD!
OnlySunshine Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 [quote name='TheresaThoma' timestamp='1314854055' post='2298511'] You are the third person to tell me that I should look into the Religious Sisters of Mercy! I've met a couple of the Sisters and I've e-mailed the VD! [/quote] Ooooo! It must be the Holy Spirit telling you something.
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