Humph........

[FutureSister2009]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1315478576' post='2302077']


Darlene, so much of this could be describing Carmel even today! I think it is so easy to get carried away looking at happy smiley posed photos, and to see sisters at special events, and to forget that that is not the norm. Sisters get tired, they get sick, they get PMS! They have different values and upbringings and opinions. Personally, on a human level, my idea of hell would be living with 20 other women for the rest of my life!!! od gives the grace to live a vocation, but sometimes it does take years to gain the strength of character needed to live it.
[/quote]

You've done it before though

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='FutureSister2009' timestamp='1315491490' post='2302128']

You've done it before though
[/quote]

And learnt the hard way how important it is to take time, to really learn who I am and to not have unrealistic expectations of myself or others!

[i<3franciscans]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1315498121' post='2302169']

And learnt the hard way how important it is to take time, to really learn who I am and to not have unrealistic expectations of myself or others!
[/quote]
If you could do it all over again, would you do it the same way knowing the out come?

[das8949]

Faith, you made a good point about living together. I would imagine that cloistered life would be very difficult if the mix of personalities does not mesh. I believe that God through prayer assists the superiors with the understanding of each person. You have often spoken of your hopefully future Prioress in that way.

In a non cloistered community there is house rotation as a rule. During formation we were classified by DOB and assigned numbers which we sewed on all of our garments. In my "brotherhood" I was the oldest so me and #40 were always next to me in chapel, classes, referectory...This thread is bringing back so many memories. 95% of our meals were in silence and even at the endof the meal a person went and brought a pan of water to the table and we washed our dishes there and reset for the next day.

One adventure we had as Postulants was to collect the different colored strihgt pins the novices would lose in their veils. This came about as part of the lesson to keep your eyes down when you walk not to engage another with eye contact.

I would love to hear from someone in the Phorum who is re-discerning what there day to day life was like not what the website says.

Someone said in one of the threads that you never get over your experience of entering and leaving. I can testify that my heart is still there and it has been over close to 40 years. The images are so clear.

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='i<3franciscans' timestamp='1315498768' post='2302185']
If you could do it all over again, would you do it the same way knowing the out come?
[/quote]

Its a really hard question to answer to be honest, because I am not a masochist and would never choose to put myself through agony through choice. I wouldn't change it now - I don't believe in regrets - but I would certainly wait longer if I could. I know that, even at 28 having had a huge amount of responsibility for 20yrs by then caring for my sick mother etc, I was simply not mature enough. I was too idealistic, too judgemental (and no, I wouldn't have thought I was at the time!). I was enthusiastic enough, and zealous, and determined, but just not mature enough - and I wasn't 'immature' for my age either. I have never been a romantic, I'm not remotely bothered about not getting dressed up in a wedding dress and I'm not into gushiness. Yet even so I know only too well how much I put my sisters on pedestals, I saw them as so wonderful (regardless of what they say, people are [i]always[/i] on their best behaviours when aspirants visit) that there was no way they could live up to my expectations. I had simply not realised that becoming a nun didn't stop you sniping at each other sometimes, or getting cross when things don't go your way. So if I could go back I would have an extended live-in I think, so that I [i]really[/i] got to see what the life was like. I would also try to work more on accepting criticism - I now know that as a postulant and especially as a novice you are constantly corrected, you have to unlearn and relearn almost every single thing you do and this is important not only for 'fitting in' but in accepting your nothingless. I would certainly work on not giving any thought to what I was good at, what my skills were, etc, and on learning that none of these matter whatsover, to try to be far more humble and accepting of discipline. One of my lowest points ever was the day I was severely told off for cooking frozen peas incorrectly. I was 29yrs old, I had done bulk catering semi-professionally, I was a perfectly capable and competant cook and this was about the easiest task anyone could be asked to do in the kitchen, and there I was being told off for doing it wrong! Humility is always a hard lesson to learn!

Sorry, I have waffled, but ultimately if I could go back and have my time again knowing what I do now, I would definately have waited, and i would not wish what I have gone through on anyone, I would recommend [i]anyone[/i] waits until they are older than they think they need to be and have some good, solid, stable life experience behind them.

[bmb144]

Ok, forgive my stupidity but I guess I don't understand why a percentage of you are in such a hurry. I'm in my mid 30's and as such over the hill for most orders. I care for my mum, so I am not free to fully discern or enter. And yes, I've had depression and spent a year on medication and went through counselling, so for some orders again I am a no no. That though is fine because I am sure God has the right place for me and it will all be worked out in his time, not mine.

I do though sit here and the more I read this forum the more concerned I become and one question keeps hitting me over the head....what's the hurry? You have time to experience some of the best fruits of this world, the beauty in it. Travel a bit, help others, fall in love with the beauty that God has put here. Take the time to prepare yourself well and work on spiritual maturity along with emotional and mental maturity. You have the time, particularly when some of you are still teenagers.

So I'd like to ask....what is the hurry? Are you running towards something better or running from something?

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='In His Light' timestamp='1315539039' post='2302399']
Ok, forgive my stupidity but I guess I don't understand why a percentage of you are in such a hurry. I'm in my mid 30's and as such over the hill for most orders. I care for my mum, so I am not free to fully discern or enter. And yes, I've had depression and spent a year on medication and went through counselling, so for some orders again I am a no no. That though is fine because I am sure God has the right place for me and it will all be worked out in his time, not mine.

I do though sit here and the more I read this forum the more concerned I become and one question keeps hitting me over the head....what's the hurry? You have time to experience some of the best fruits of this world, the beauty in it. Travel a bit, help others, fall in love with the beauty that God has put here. Take the time to prepare yourself well and work on spiritual maturity along with emotional and mental maturity. You have the time, particularly when some of you are still teenagers.

So I'd like to ask....what is the hurry? Are you running towards something better or running from something?
[/quote]

I've heard from a few vocation directors that there is harm in waiting too long, though. If the person discerning has nothing holding them back like debt, dependents, or other obligations, why should that person wait longer than necessary? The longer you wait, the less likely you are to answer the call as time goes by.

Most religious orders want the aspirant to have a few years of life experience such as work or college, and I have these. For those that don't, it would be a great idea to have that experience, but I am 28 years old. I am reaching the age limit of several orders. If I believe God is calling now, I want to go now. I don't want to wait. It's all about His will not mine. If I believed that He was calling me to finish upper-level college studies before entering, I would, but that's not what I feel called to do right now.

In my situation, it's not running away from something -- it's running towards God and His will.

[bmb144]

MM, your one of the people I am less inclined to be worried about. I've watched you and prayed a great for you, its some of the other younger women here that worry me.

[das8949]

IHS I could not agree with you more! there are some who would not last a monthand they change their minds like some people chang hair color. I do see it as a running to but not to GOD but an image they have of "the perfect life". They are rebellious, impertinent and do not want to hear anything that does not agree with their opinions. I guess that we all have to learn the hard way through our mistakes, its just that some are not that strong to bounce back and try a 2nd or 3rd time..

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='In His Light' timestamp='1315540301' post='2302410']
MM, your one of the people I am less inclined to be worried about. I've watched you and prayed a great for you, its some of the other younger women here that worry me.
[/quote]

Thank you.

I want to speak up for the other people here though! Not in a negative sense, by any means, but I can certainly understand the desire to give God everything right now. I used to feel the same way but, over time, those feelings matured into true love and I developed my prayer life. Now, I believe it is the time to act.

I do believe that religious life can be overly romanticized. It is important to understand that it is [u][b]not[/b][/u] all sweetness and light -- it is a real sacrifice and one that can only be done out of love. If someone is running away from life to join a convent, they won't last long at all. That's something I didn't understand before.

[Guest Dumbsheep]

I nearly entered a convent last year, but left for reasons involved with the fact that the order didn't have a great formation program and I needed to check out other orders first. It truly broke my heart to go back to the secular world (even though I hadnt entered, I had spent roughly a month with the sisters). I returned home and started trying to figure out what to do with myself. I re-enrolled in school and got my old job back. I visited a few other convents with my sister in the meantime. Towards the end of the year, my sister told me that she was going to enter with a particular order. I was very happy for her, but also sad for myself. It didn't last as long as I thought it would though. I expected myself to be jealous and morose for the rest of my life until I entered SOME convent, but instead I moved on and started to detach from my own ideas about my vocation and God. I could feel that God had plans for me and He would put me right where He wanted. Right now, I still long to know the details of my vocation, but I'm willing to wait. It's harder at certain times, but I have the opportunity to go to mass everyday. There's a 24hr Adoration chapel downtown and it's not like I can't just pray mentally throughout the day. If God wants me somewhere He'll put me there. I really won't have to do that much to figure the plan out - He is God after all.

[bmb144]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1315541819' post='2302428']

I do believe that religious life can be overly romanticized. It is important to understand that it is [u][b]not[/b][/u] all sweetness and light -- it is a real sacrifice and one that can only be done out of love. If someone is running away from life to join a convent, they won't last long at all. That's something I didn't understand before.
[/quote]

I need to emphasise what MM says here. I've been writing to the same set of nuns now for almost 6 years and due to that contact I know its not all roses and light, its also thorns, late nights, lack of sleep, colds and being cranky. If you get the No Greater love DVD from NH and watch the extras on the video, in one of the interviews, one of the nuns quite openly says that during the filming she was having a screaming fight with another nun. That's the reality of life, real life.

I'm sorry but we only get to see what you say here and not see you guys in real life offline, so we don't get a full picture of how you feel, think etc. So sometimes you guys do come off with a romantic view of religious life. As RMC my vocation contact in "order no.1" says "a young women can come in with all the pious intentions under the sun, its the everyday of living the life, that proves if she has a real vocation or romantic vocation".

So please, some of you slow down just little. Finish school, travel, hold a guys hand, go to the prom, date a little and get a rounded view of life and make sure that when you say yes to Jesus you can do so without wondering, what if....

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='In His Light' timestamp='1315543138' post='2302440']

I need to emphasise what MM says here. I've been writing to the same set of nuns now for almost 6 years and due to that contact I know its not all roses and light, its also thorns, late nights, lack of sleep, colds and being cranky. If you get the No Greater love DVD from NH and watch the extras on the video, in one of the interviews, one of the nuns quite openly says that during the filming she was having a screaming fight with another nun. That's the reality of life, real life.

I'm sorry but we only get to see what you say here and not see you guys in real life offline, so we don't get a full picture of how you feel, think etc. So sometimes you guys do come off with a romantic view of religious life. As RMC my vocation contact in "order no.1" says "a young women can come in with all the pious intentions under the sun, its the everyday of living the life, that proves if she has a real vocation or romantic vocation".

So please, some of you slow down just little. Finish school, travel, hold a guys hand, go to the prom, date a little and get a rounded view of life and make sure that when you say yes to Jesus you can do so without wondering, what if....
[/quote]

I agree with most religious orders that ask that aspirants get some life experience before entering. I don't quite agree with the idea of entering at 16 or 17. I've known some girls who entered right out of high school and did not stay in religious life. Now, I'm not going to play God and say it wasn't their vocation, but it makes you wonder if they would have been able to stick it out had they been in the world a little longer. School and work makes you more prepared for future commitments. It takes some of the shock out of discernment, too. It also helps you develop your skills and you understand your abilities more.

ETA: I know that there are different personalities. Some people may be able to enter religious life after high school and be able to endure the hardships. It's all about God's graces. I don't believe that anyone who left religious life left because they weren't in the right vocation. Sometimes God just wants you in there for a certain length of time.

Edited September 9, 2011 by MaterMisericordiae

[she_who_is_not]

[quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1315431551' post='2301783']

The Dominicans of Bethany (France) have the apostolate of visiting the imprisoned. If you haven't seen it, you should really watch "Dead Man Walking." The language is salty and there are a few (I think? It's been a year) questionable scenes, but the witness by Sr. Helen is so true. I STILL can't believe Louisiana STILL has the death penalty, and it's such a Catholic state!

It is a corporal work of mercy (is it corporal? or the other one?), so you're doing good!
[/quote]

Great, now I have to go to France. Thanks LPS, you just found my dream community. Dominicans with a prison ministry apostolate? Sign. Me. Up. I'm going to have to relearn French.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='she_who_is_not' timestamp='1315546376' post='2302451']

Great, now I have to go to France. Thanks LPS, you just found my dream community. Dominicans with a prison ministry apostolate? Sign. Me. Up. I'm going to have to relearn French.
[/quote]

Oui.

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1315539589' post='2302403']

I've heard from a few vocation directors that there is harm in waiting too long, though. If the person discerning has nothing holding them back like debt, dependents, or other obligations, why should that person wait longer than necessary? The longer you wait, the less likely you are to answer the call as time goes by.

[/quote]

There is a significant difference, though, between putting it off and putting it off for the sake of it, and resenting being advised to wait by community superiors and/or parents. Calmly accepting and even embracing an enforced wait is, I believe, actually a sign of a vocation and of surrender to God's will - resenting it and making sure everyone knows that shows that the parents/superiors are right! I can see in myself the difference, so do know what I am talking about

[HopefulBride]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1315559822' post='2302469']

Calmly accepting and even embracing an enforced wait is, I believe, actually a sign of a vocation and of surrender to God's will
[/quote]

Faith,

What insight! This I believe is the key. There will always be an impatience when it comes to having to wait to do something that you really want to do. I've been reading this thread and I'm going to admit that I want to go now!!! But then again I've been waiting for years and though at first I wanted to wait because I truly felt I was not ready, I do feel that I am more prepared than I was before. Yet I know that the fact that I still have my financial obstacles is a chance for me to truly learn to trust, and be patient, and obedient and that waiting entails.

I think that often times (at least with what I have observed here in PM VS) is that there is a strong desire to begin to live out one's yes. And yes sometimes it means you resent having student loans and you resent having to wait to finish school. But just because there are those moments of resentment and frustration at your obstacles does not necessarily mean there is not an acceptance that comes with it. There are days that I truly resent having to wait but yet there are days when I realize that I may not enter in 2012 but rather 2013 or even 2014 and I am perfectly fine with that. I just keep praying and hoping the Lord will help me in guarding my heart and in making me stay focused on him.

The most important thing for everyone waiting is to continue to develop that relationship with a SD and to continue to grow closer with the intended community. Together these two relationships help one to truly grow and let go of personal desires for the sake of God's will. I will say this, at times I feel exactly the way the OP does. In fact, I could have written the post; however I recognize that even the most mature and prepared young aspirant have those feelings and in truth there isn't any danger in having those feelings of frustration and holy jealousy. It's how one handles the day to day struggles of the wait that is an issue.

And for the record, I don't think there is an issue with entering at 17 or 18. I really think God gives us the grace to withstand in anything when we need it. Could I have entered 5 years ago? probably. Would I have been able to remain? I don't really think so. Now one of my closest friends entered right after her BAC (about 18/19) over 30 years later she is a happy religious (she entered a cloister of all things) She has felt the Lord calling her since she was a young girl of 8 and never wavered in her desire to wait. In fact she fought hard to help her parents to see that the best thing was for her to enter rather than go to University.

Sorry for the rambling but I guess what I'm trying to say is that most of us who are anxiously waiting to enter are aware that it's not lollipops and sunshine but we still have the urgency to begin to live that fiat in every way.

[IamMyBeloveds]

[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1315567526' post='2302478']
Sorry for the rambling but I guess what I'm trying to say is that most of us who are anxiously waiting to enter are aware that it's not lollipops and sunshine but we still have the urgency to begin to live that fiat in every way.
[/quote]


Well said.
I am waiting (admittedly impatiently) at times to re-enter mainly due to the fact that I have been in religious life before, seen its joys and its sacrifices, and understand this dichotomy on a deeper level. It has been one hard road of self-denial and mortification.

However, now that I have been in the world for a time, I cannot wait to give myself again in religious life in that total "fiat". I see the world. I see the life I had in the convent. Nothing compares. Nothing.

Yes, it is a challenging life. I'm never going to look at it the same way I did before I entered. I was very much in the honeymoon phase before I entered and shortly thereafter. That sentiment quickly wears off unless it's more than a feeling and a real grace itself!
It needs to wear off, though. You need to experience that intense purification of your desires and motives upon entering and within formation. You need to be challenged and brought to a greater awareness of your faults, failings, and limitations. It hurts tremendously, yes, but like a polished rock, your rough edges over time will rub away and you will shine with the love of Christ dwelling in your heart and the practice of virtue. It takes a good dose of humility!
There are some powerful lessons to be learned in the sacrifice. Yes, there is an incredible amount of joy I have in going back, a multitude of peace fills my being, but it is now a mature awareness of the road I am about to undertake. Very different from the first time around.

Meanwhile, I'm praying for patience as I finish my work these next several months and asking God for His will, not mine!

If one is called, however hard the journey in religious life may be, it's always worth it.

Edited September 9, 2011 by IamMyBeloveds

[LaPetiteSoeur]

[quote name='she_who_is_not' timestamp='1315546376' post='2302451']

Great, now I have to go to France. Thanks LPS, you just found my dream community. Dominicans with a prison ministry apostolate? Sign. Me. Up. I'm going to have to relearn French.
[/quote]

There's a book called Five for Sorrow, Ten for Joy that's about their order. I got it last year (but haven't finished it yet :sob:) but I totally recommend the book AND the order!

[FutureSister2009]

Did you ever think that maybe we KNOW it's not all it seems to be and we don't care because we still long for it anyway? Did you ever think that we love it more because it's NOT the perfect life? Did you ever think that we're willing to accept all that?